Show Notes
Natalie Silva Episode
[00:00:00] Charna Cassell: Welcome back to Lit Open Podcast. I'm Charna Cassell, My online course, Pathways to Peace, Mindful Practices for Transformative and Vibrant Living, is now open for ongoing enrollment, which means you can do it at your own pace and fit it into your schedule in any way that it works for you.
[00:00:17] Charna Cassell: As for the coursework, you'll receive four weeks worth of daily videos where I teach you how to understand your nervous system and its reactions, how to think more clearly and gain perspective. How to translate the ways your body communicates through physical sensations, identify your emotions, where they come from and what they're telling you, how to discover why you react in ways that produce shame and learn tools to manage these reactions, how to reduce your anxiety and destructive impulses, and how to diminish self hatred when you're not your best self.
[00:00:50] Charna Cassell: You can also sign up for weekly coaching calls where I offer you direct support and answer your questions and you get Connected to a community of like-minded people with me. If you wanna learn more you can go to my courses page. It's courses dot charna cael. That's C-H-A-R-N-A-C-A-S-S-E-L l.com for more information. our guest today. is the embodiment of love. She has worked hard to get to that place with loving herself, but she really exudes love to the people around her and embodies a really powerful presence.
[00:01:33] Charna Cassell: And her life's path is very much in alignment with prayer and intentionality. So she uses oil, oils that she makes, perfumes that she makes. dance. She creates community in a variety of different ways. And I think she has a lot of wisdom to offer around self love and ways of listening to your own rhythm.
[00:02:00] Charna Cassell: So I hope you enjoy this episode. I enjoy every moment I get to spend with her. So hopefully that gets transmitted through this conversation. And I encourage you to listen all the way to the end because she has a stunning voice and I ask her to sing one of my favorite songs she sings. Today's guest is Natalie Silva of God's Eye Oils and Maid of Stars. Welcome, Natalie.
[00:02:26] Learn how to live embodied If it's about to unwind Uncover new tools and start healing Leave trauma and tension behind Isn't it great laid open Let all your desires come true How can you live laid open Imagine yourself brand new. Imagine yourself brand new.
[00:03:13] Natalie Silva: Thank you so much, Charna. I'm so happy to be sitting with you. I love you so much. Thank you for inviting me.
[00:03:21] Charna Cassell: I adore you and I am just, yeah, I'm, I'm thrilled that we, we got this together and, and that, that you're making this time.
[00:03:30] Charna Cassell: I really appreciate it because I know that you have, uh, you're very committed to saying yes to things that bring you pleasure and feel really good and saying no to everything else. And so the fact that I made it into that bucket feels awesome to me.
[00:03:45] Natalie Silva: Oh, big time. Yeah, you know, it's all about also, you know, saying yes to the things that are scary, you know, and I feel like when we agreed to do this, there was such a big prayer on board that was just about vulnerability and being seen exactly as I am where I am in my life and so thank you for being such a safe person in that way and a person that does feel instantly like You What a pleasure for me to find out about myself more through what we're going to do today, because I have no idea what's going to happen.
[00:04:19] Natalie Silva: And I, I feel like that's such a big part of my purpose in this life is to be seen in vulnerability in the no preparation. It's like, this is me as I am. And so thank you for being someone that I could be myself with. I feel really, really honored and grateful to know you in that way.
[00:04:39] Charna Cassell: and, and I want you to know the gift that you've given me in relation to that, because there's, uh, a part of me that loves researching and I have a thing of like, I really like to prep.
[00:04:51] Charna Cassell: I tend to write like 20 questions for every guest and I usually ask one or two and then I off road. So there's a way that doing no prep to, to be here with you. Like, I'm like, okay, I know I've been, I've sat with this woman in ceremony, been in your glorious remarkable presence for, you know, a few days at a time.
[00:05:16] Charna Cassell: And, um, there was nothing to read. There was nothing to do. And that's something that I'm also working on. It's like, how do I be loved for just being and not what I do, not in a transactional relationship, not in a, like, I'm going to make it better for you in some way. So I love this. I love that we just get to be together.
[00:05:37] Natalie Silva: Totally, and it is no mistake to me that that's what showed up for us to do, because it's a big prayer for me too. And I think that in the past I have, every time that I have tried to prep or research, you know, it has either led to me not even doing the thing because I have really just, you know, just been too much in the future about it or, you know, what, it just became not enjoyable.
[00:06:03] Natalie Silva: And so it just feels. Like, thank you to the universe, to creator, to everything that has created this moment for us to be practicing this right now without even having to talk about that we were going to do it this way. It just, it's happening and presenting itself to me over and over again that like, it's okay to just show up as I am today.
[00:06:25] Natalie Silva: And. Let come forth what wants to be birthed today and shared with people so that they can do that It's like there's no resistance anymore or and I appreciate all the research. It's just the duality You know, I appreciate your research. I will appreciate and love all of your questions And yeah, thank you for the time that you take to do everything that you do and thank you for the the not time The time that you don't take today to just be with me in this moment, in our relationship, that is just Still new and becoming so I love it.
[00:07:05] Natalie Silva: What a gift.
[00:07:07] Charna Cassell: It's a very merry untime
[00:07:09] Natalie Silva: today. Yeah. A very merry untime with you.
[00:07:15] Charna Cassell: I love it. So, yes. And, , I want to talk with you and you've, you've mentioned prayer a couple times. And I want to talk to you about the role of prayer in your life and how it's come to be so central and how you relate to it, how you use it, how you engage with it.
[00:07:37] Natalie Silva: Yeah, it's It's been such a, when I first came to my first ceremony and even learned to pray in a way that made sense to me that I really connected with to witness other people's prayers and to feel so connected to their prayers and have their prayers be my prayers, you know, from the, you know, that was, I don't know, over 15 years ago now in the, in the ceremonies where I pray, like my life now.
[00:08:10] Natalie Silva: And the people that I surround myself with, conversation is a prayer now. It's all, it's all a prayer. You know, and every Every moment that I'm sharing with someone feels like an opportunity to pray, like all of my words feel like prayers now, and, you know, where God's eye came from, came from that place, came from those ceremonies, came from making prayers, came from hearing the prayers of other people, and really, hearing the call for help and tools to remember and connect to our prayer in everyday life, not just, okay, here's ceremony.
[00:08:48] Natalie Silva: This is a special part of my, my life. And I just, I'm like this here. And then I go back into my world and I'm a totally different person. And, you know, and then the needing to come back to ceremony for people over and over again to go, well, I need to remember, I need help. And God's eye was birthed because scent is such a powerful tool of remembrance, , to help people in their everyday life remember and connect with their prayers.
[00:09:14] Natalie Silva: And I would leave those ceremonies smelling like incense and smelling like Florida water. And, and, and I, it was the way that I would be able to stay in my prayer in my life. So prayer is the center of everything. It's also a very weird and charged word because people have come from whatever religious backgrounds they've come from that have, you know, made prayer feel weird.
[00:09:39] Natalie Silva: , and, you know, so I, I, I feel the vulnerability in sharing that word and saying that word. And, , you know, I just, I think, you know, I always want to get across that like everything is welcome and you know, prayer is so personal. This is our relationship to our creator in whatever way we believe that to be.
[00:10:01] Natalie Silva: And , every ceremony that I sit in now as I facilitate ceremonies with my sister, it's just, it never gets old to me and is never lost on me. What an honor it is to witness people pray. It's so intimate and so vulnerable and so personal. And Also so relatable, you know, we really learn about ourselves through the prayers of others and we aho them and they are ours and we don't even need to say them again because somebody took the time to open themselves up to the channel of their highest self to their creator and like allow a prayer to flow through and.
[00:10:40] Natalie Silva: it changed my whole life. Yeah. It changed my whole life. So it's everything.
[00:10:46] Charna Cassell: Yeah. Yeah. And it, there's, there's so many things that you said that. I could speak to, first, you know, the prayer. I'm just, I'm very grateful that I wasn't raised there. I had a lot of different kinds of trauma, but religious trauma was not one of them.
[00:11:01] Charna Cassell: There was a break with God, I think, in utero. , and I had to find my way out of that and started to be able to say the word God and not get weird wiggly feelings in my body in my late twenties. And, but I don't have to heal a very rigid black and white relationship to good and evil and black and all of that.
[00:11:22] Charna Cassell: And so, so I can hear prayer as some as as what it is. But then, of course, yeah, there's very different associations. It's such, one of the things that I love about sitting in ceremony with you and just in general, it's, , the peace of, of other people's prayers being my prayers. Like every single thing you really, really realize how universal and how connected we are and how much we all need the same things.
[00:11:51] Natalie Silva: Yeah.
[00:11:52] Charna Cassell: And. you know, sitting, getting up there and sitting in front of the altar. It's like the very specific piece shows up, but you can just trust that all the other prayers, maybe after you're like, Oh, I didn't say this. I didn't say that. Oh, there's this. And it's like, all of that, because we are all one and connected, they get attended to through the other people's prayers.
[00:12:13] Charna Cassell: Right. Totally. And so, That's one of the things I just that reminder of unification rather than separation and disconnection that we are all afflicted with.
[00:12:27] Natalie Silva: Totally.
[00:12:28] Charna Cassell: Yeah.
[00:12:28] Natalie Silva: Yeah, it is it. I've often in ceremony can actually see the visual of this diamond studded web that we are all connected by. And it's very spidery, but it's also like, very like, Like the succulent that we're praying with, you know, that, that gooeyness, that stringiness, that connectedness, like I can see it.
[00:12:57] Natalie Silva: And, you know, the. It's, it's only ourselves getting in our own way anytime that we feel separate or we're not a part of that or like, Oh no, I didn't make that prayer. So it's not mine. And I didn't say it and I didn't perform for every, but like, it's so, it's all covered. We are all held, you know, I know we have sat in just this past ceremony of like how many people are praying to let go.
[00:13:23] Natalie Silva: Let go of everything they think they're holding together. Like I'm holding everybody. I love all these people. I love them so well I love them so well, and I want and like really the physical like, oh Like being able to let that go and just trust That they're held and you're held and you can allow yourself to be to really experience that.
[00:13:46] Natalie Silva: And like all the times where we're human beings and we forget and that's all okay too. Just like it's all safe. We're all held. And yeah, I, I shared this with you too. I didn't have, I didn't have an experience growing up where I was like forced to be in a Catholic church and it was terrible. And, and also I didn't have I mean, my dad is like Catholic and loves to pray.
[00:14:14] Natalie Silva: And we would go to like, you know, midnight mass on Christmas Eve or whatever. And it was like, Oh, okay, this is cool. And you know, when people would die, we would have a very, you know, religious funeral experience. So like I was, you know, around it, but I didn't feel traumatized by any of it, but also I didn't feel brought into it in a way or taught anything about any of it or, or even offered, you know, that there are options out there.
[00:14:43] Natalie Silva: They're like, there's so many ways to pray and so many ways to connect to spirit, you know, so, and it, none of it's a problem. And also as a mother now that has ceremony in the middle of my house, and my son prays in the way that we pray all the time, which is also held very loosely because I don't want to force anything on him, but watching and being able to sit in ceremony and pray with my son and have him really connect to himself in that way.
[00:15:13] Natalie Silva: And. His power in that way and his connection to everything and everyone and his gratitude for everything and everyone and really learning the story of the lineage of our prayer and then also being able to invite in who he is and what he is bringing to that and it's all good and Come if you want, don't come if you don't want, but I'm so grateful to be also offering a connection to spirit to my son in a way that feels on purpose and, you know, undeniable that it's here.
[00:15:44] Natalie Silva: It's in the center of our life. There's people here at least twice a month. Praying, crying, being vulnerable, speaking out loud about very, very intimate details about their lives, being so honest about themselves. Like, I think that's what blew me away before anything was like, I had never heard people take such responsibility for their lives in my whole life and apologize or, you know, even speak to their loved ones in a room praying together about what was happening between them.
[00:16:15] Natalie Silva: You know, it's like I was raised in the, we don't talk about it. Oh yeah, I did that really terrible thing and we're just gonna pretend it didn't happen and now I'm gonna behave in this way and we're just gonna let that go and we're gonna like stuff it all down and get real sick and do all that stuff and it's like the truth.
[00:16:33] Natalie Silva: that is here and present and, and everything that we're all sharing together. It's like, I'm so happy that my son gets to learn that.
[00:16:41] Charna Cassell: I love, I love that part of the kids being in the house. I mean, you know, I grew up, , I had family in Marin. I had a step family that I lived with. And so, you know, I joke that the only rituals, it was like, you know, drugs, drinking, and some Tonka's on the walls, but there wasn't any kind of grounded meditation that was taught.
[00:17:07] Charna Cassell: , there were certain principles that were held. , but the kids, it, there was just this, this kind of free for all, it felt very, very, very uncontained and unsafe. And, and there's something so different and wholesome and sweet. It's very healing for me to have the kids kind of at different times come in and stand there wanting to like show a picture they drew and, but witnessing somebody.
[00:17:30] Charna Cassell: speaking really, , empowering phrases about being a woman. And then, you know, and then your sister being able to like step aside, be the sweetest, most present mother of like, I love you. And I really look forward to seeing that. And then turning back to, it's like so profound, the quality of presence. And being able to be in multiple roles at the same time seamlessly, there's, there is a level of, , integrity and cleanliness in the space that I, you know, my system is so sensitive.
[00:18:07] Charna Cassell: I have craved community and I've kept myself out of community because I'm so impacted. And, and so. When I met your sister and I want to kind of, I don't know what she wants me to share so I'll just, I'll just leave names out.
[00:18:25] Natalie Silva: Listen, I think we should share everything about her. We have to shout her name from the rooftops and tell the world about the miracle of Erica Wright.
[00:18:35] Natalie Silva: So if people don't know her, they should know her. We, we can talk about, I mean, everything that you're saying, we, we're going to continue on cause that, that piece about the kids coming in and really all that's happening is just being in surrender all the time and resisting the urge to resist.
[00:18:53] Natalie Silva: Like this person is here right now. They have something to say to me. If I tell them, no, hold on, it's just going to make it harder. But what if I just in this very moment, turn to them and say, I love that. I love what you've made for me. Thank you so much. It just is going with the flow, and then that person feels seen, and it just moves seamlessly, you know, and it's like, it is such a skill, and I love that you said that I was I notice it every time and also this last ceremony felt, I really felt that too.
[00:19:28] Natalie Silva: The like, you know, the choice that we have in every moment to not just say, this is what's here, right here, right now, looking at me and talking to me. And it's, it's, it's a prayer I made. That baby that walked into that room was a prayer my sister made and now this person is here and they're looking at me talking to me and they made me a valentine and I can either shush them and tell them that they need to wait their turn and be quiet or I can turn to them for just a second and say I see you and thank you and like it just rolled on perfectly.
[00:19:58] Natalie Silva: Yeah. It, none of it was a problem. She got it. She felt seen. No, also we're not, you know, teaching our children to just be rude and do a thing like she knows. And also like, my God, the witnessing of these girls seeing their mother as, you know, a the medicine woman that she is and the powerhouse that she sits there and in the ways that she speaks and talks that like they, that's their mama.
[00:20:24] Charna Cassell: Yeah.
[00:20:25] Natalie Silva: You know, like, wow. What's possible for them through the witnessing of her magnificence. blows my mind every time. It's never lost on me. I could watch it forever and I can't wait to see what they do, who
[00:20:39] Natalie Silva: they become, you know,
[00:20:41] Charna Cassell: so moving, so moving. And then, you know, I, Because of my childhood, I'm, there's a level of vigilance in my system where I'm tracking spaces always and tracking the people who are holding the spaces and watching for the kids, and oh, there's an overdoing habit in my system around that.
[00:21:00] Charna Cassell: And that's a part that gets to relax. And, , and so kind of, so we're turning to that piece of like the cleanliness and integrity in the space. The first, when I, met Erica, I had a complete yes. And I have not, I've been, I'm very careful about the spaces I put my body in. And, , and it's just, it just feels so good.
[00:21:25] Charna Cassell: , there's so much love. And I, so coming to that, just, you know, One of the things that I, , just love about you and I love about her is this God, it this incredible field of love that the two of you generate, , with each other and in the whole room. And it's a value that I hold, which is, , not putting romantic love.
[00:21:55] Charna Cassell: at the apex, like this is the top and this is the end all be all and then like friendships come later and you hold, you know, so it's, it's like a, like a deprioritizing friendships or sisterhood. , so if you could speak to that, it's like, is that something, have you always had that level of, , intimacy with your friends or is there, was there a shifting point and, and you met Erica or.
[00:22:20] Natalie Silva: Yeah, well, I. I think it's important to say that it's been, , we're soulmates. We're actually more than soulmates. We are, we're one soul split in two. We have been shown that many times. We have had many readings that have, you know, Shown that to us. We have, been shown in the stars and the cosmos that that's what's happening.
[00:22:48] Natalie Silva: And we've also been, it's also been shared with us that there have been many lifetimes that we haven't found each other and they've been, they've been hard. , so I just, I want to say that that is, that's a real thing. And we both share in this lifetime before we met each other, , having a really hard time with our female.
[00:23:08] Natalie Silva: Friendships and relationships. I think we're both really big people. We're both really beautiful people. , we're both very sensitive people and I've had, you know, beautiful friendships with women and, and, and I've also been hurt really deeply by women in my life. And I know that that. That is a thing that we're all healing.
[00:23:33] Natalie Silva: It was, you know, one of the, one of the things that was almost instantly healed when we found each other again in this lifetime was, it was like two, it, it was like a soul coming back together. It was stars colliding. It was, you know, it was at a party. It was, it involved a lot of gin and tonics and cocaine and rock and roll.
[00:23:54] Natalie Silva: And we found each other and we were inseparable ever since, , and we bonded in a way that was like, we knew that we were healing female competition and that that was our purpose in our love together. And it was like, all we ever do. did from that moment was say yes to each other. It was like, we were listening to music and every song that came on was like, Oh my God, I love this song.
[00:24:18] Natalie Silva: Let me play this song for, Oh, this song. And we're singing all of it. And like, do you want to start a band? Yes. Let's start a band. Do you want to, you know, it was like, it just kept going. And, and our togetherness It's a healing. It's an example of women truly loving each other, like in a way that I had never, I had never experienced like that to be able to really surrender into that love at that level, , was not, you know, I, I think it started for me with a very deep mother wound and really not being able to feel safe.
[00:24:53] Natalie Silva: With my own mother and in women that way. So yeah, my relationship with Erica is, , the center of my life and it is the center of our altar and our ceremony is to help it really made of stars started with just women's ceremonies. We'd had women's retreats. , and knowing that. And maybe not even knowing all of the time that just by us being us was healing to witness for other women that they could actually think, like, I can make a prayer to have that.
[00:25:28] Natalie Silva: Like, I want that. I want that kind of love. So, , You know, now I think that we've, we really understand, like, as we grow, as we go through things, which my sister and I, which is unheard of, not that we haven't ever had disagreements or been like, ooh, something just happened there and we need to clean it up and clear it up, but like, the way that we do it is something I've never experienced.
[00:25:50] Natalie Silva: ever felt in my life that is so safe. We can bring anything to each other. It is all held and honored and heard and we get to still honor ourselves and it's not codependent. And it's like, it's all healing each other. It's just like, it's a miracle. , So I, I hear what you're saying. I feel the same way that like I'm so grateful that I get to have that relationship with her that I don't have to put all of that on a romantic relationship.
[00:26:22] Natalie Silva: And that my needs are met in so many ways by my sister and, yeah, that we are, we're, we're doing something with women right now. That's so important. It's so important for women to really, truly support each other, like really all the way, like biggest cheerleader in the whole world can't get enough of watching you like be you and also not get in the way, you know?
[00:26:49] Natalie Silva: We don't, you know, my sister is just so skilled at like, just letting me figure it out too. You know, she's always right there, but she doesn't want me to miss it. I don't want you to miss you getting it by, you know, it's like our family so often are like, you gotta do this and don't do that. And I learned from my, and we're just like letting each other be, and we're right there.
[00:27:11] Natalie Silva: We're not going anywhere. , yeah, it's, it's, it's hard. It's everything.
[00:27:14] Charna Cassell: Yeah.
[00:27:15] Natalie Silva: She's
[00:27:15] Natalie Silva: everything.
[00:27:16] Charna Cassell: The, the piece around competition is so, so weird and painful. , there was, there was a level of that. My mom competing with me in a way that I didn't have, I didn't even see or have language for until, for until like 20 years later, but it was, it prevented her from protecting me.
[00:27:33] Charna Cassell: And it was so painful. And, and, and so the, so instead of, you know, I then took on a stance of being the cheerleader that was my, you know, just because I never wanted to be a threat to other women.
[00:27:48] Natalie Silva: Totally.
[00:27:49] Charna Cassell: Or if some, you know, somebody was interested in me and we were both interested in them, I'd be like, step aside, kind of, that was kind of what I tended to do.
[00:27:58] Charna Cassell: Yeah. But to do it not from a, a trauma response, but to do, I also feel like it's my nature, , but I just love it. I love it so much. And I just feel like a sponge being around it. Cause I'm like this, this is what I want it to be with everybody. And I feel like I have incredible women in my life and I'm so blessed to have that.
[00:28:18] Charna Cassell: And having come from, , the queer world, like dating 30, There's just so, there's more of that. Not to say there isn't weird, you know, competition, there's totally that too, but so much less, so much more women love. And so it's just, it's a, it's a strange phenomenon when I started dating men and interacting with women and, and feeling that and being like, Oh, this is what I avoided for so many years.
[00:28:44] Charna Cassell: Yuck.
[00:28:45] Natalie Silva: Yeah, I feel that too. I've had the experience of playing small and really wanting, you know, to make sure that everybody knew that I was safe. I'm safe. I'm a safe person. I'm not trying to do anything. I'm not trying to take your man. I'm not trying to, you know, get anything from you so I would, yeah, just make myself smaller, like literally.
[00:29:04] Natalie Silva: And I'm also a big, giant, tall woman, so I would like stand so I was smaller. I would do everything to make sure that everybody around me knew that I was safe and, you know, was just Doing myself such a disservice and really being able to get to know myself and be my full whole self. And so finding, finding Erica and really being able to, , feel what it feels like to be so supported and cheered on for that.
[00:29:30] Natalie Silva: And then, you know, create even more ways to do that with like being on stage and wearing, you know, spandex and like kicking our legs and being, you know, screaming heavy metal together, like,
[00:29:41] Charna Cassell: You also, , were an S factor dance teacher, which takes a level of being in your body and comfort with visibility. And I know that's going to be circling back around, but I'm curious if there was a point at which it's like, did something occur that had you fully step into that role and more ease with that?
[00:30:04] Charna Cassell: Yeah.
[00:30:04] Natalie Silva: Well, first of all, S Factor is where I met Erika. Erika was the manager of the S Factor studio. So S Factor, , is a, empowered sensual movement. pole dancing class for women only.
[00:30:18] Natalie Silva: It's like only women are allowed in the building. , and the classes were always, with, with a, a group of girls. It wasn't like, Oh, you can just drop into a class and whoever's there, there's always the same people. And you cut, you came up with these same people through various levels. , And because it's a it's it's big like to be in that environment and start to feel safe to move your body in a sensual way and to like really, for me, embody this like inner, what Transcribed Sheila Kelly, the woman that started S Factor, calls you an erotic creature, really embody this part of yourself that for me was like, God, I just like, I am so sexual and sensual and I want to like, let it out all the way, I want to be, you know, in, I want to be Tawny Katane in the white snake video, I want to like, cherry pie all over the place and I don't want anyone looking at me like, oh, you know, who do you think you are?
[00:31:22] Natalie Silva: You know, who do you think you are? And like, oh, I'm scared. I'm scared of, you know, and it's just like, wow, finding this place where so many women were coming to that for the first time ever, really feeling safe doing that. And the piece of it that was so important. And why staying with your same group was so important is we, Part of the class was to cheer for everybody.
[00:31:43] Natalie Silva: So like when it was your turn to dance, you would dance by yourself in front of everybody. , and every woman in the room was hooting and hollering and just like the, and it also ended up being just so not just a Tawny Katane. Video. It was like dancing to, , you know, very slow emotional songs where sometimes you would just roll around on the ground and cry and just like put your, even just to be able to have permission to put your hands on your own body for, you know, and just move at this pace that was like, Oh, I could finally really feel, feel myself, not just, you know, you know, feel my hands on my body, but really feel my body under my hands and really, like, allow myself to just unfold and, like, let people see that and, you know, it being so healing and so emotional, it, um, Was the beginning of me healing my relationship with women for sure.
[00:32:45] Natalie Silva: And also it is, it healed my eating disorder. I had a brutal eating disorder for years and years and years and years. And it was like the witnessing of other women's bodies in all of their shapes and sizes and textures and all of it. And like seeing the beauty in that. It healed me beyond, beyond.
[00:33:07] Natalie Silva: So, and it's so fun. And it's the best, you know, like, workout that I've found because I really don't like to do anything unless it's fun and pleasurable and enjoyable for me. So it's like a room lit with just red lights with blasting music and you just get to roll around on the ground and move your hips and, you know, dry hump the ground.
[00:33:31] Natalie Silva: I'm, I'm, I'm in, I'm in.
[00:33:38] Natalie Silva: And just like the teachers, those, this is like, so many of those women are still, these are my, these are, this is my family, you know, like, we, um, , never lost touch. Amanda Hunt was my teacher, she's an incredible, , jewelry maker, and she was my first teacher at S Factor, and we're still sisters, and she just, you know, she, , She led my body, she read my body, she helped me get to know my body, and, , so many other teachers there did the same thing, and so, you know, and then I became a teacher.
[00:34:11] Natalie Silva: I'm ready to get back into it. I'm feeling the call again to, to, to teach and to hold space for women in that way. In a new, in a way that's all mine. In a movement that I feel like is coming through through spirit that I am inventing, it's a whole new thing, and it's just being birthed and it's like what we're saying right now where I'm just like, wow, I'm just, I'm just available to what that is.
[00:34:37] Natalie Silva: And I'm, it's just going to be me. It's like my offering to the world and that I know that I came in this world with abilities with my body as a channel that are like, I'm scared. I'm shaking even saying it because it's like admitting some of those things that you just know about yourself that feel like, well, What will that sound like?
[00:34:58] Natalie Silva: What will that sound like to the world to, like, proclaim that I've been given a gift in this lifetime to share my body, , and that something wants to come through and, and be offered. And I'm so grateful for the women that have watched me move my body that are like, I want to learn how to do that. Will you teach me how to do that?
[00:35:15] Natalie Silva: And I actually don't even know how, , you know, it's like, this is, this is coming through me and I'm going to, I'm going to attempt to share it in this way that feels like a, a prayer coming through. So no doubt it's going to be hot and fun. Yeah. And free and joyful and hilarious, you know, it's like, it's all of me coming through, you know, to hopefully be inspiring.
[00:35:42] Charna Cassell: I love it. Yeah. I'm going to be there for it. I'm excited. Yeah, you are. I'm so excited because, you know, one of the things kind of just, just, you know, you, that happens in ceremony, but I feel like you walk your talk is this irreverence, the perfect balance of irreverence and reverence. And it's, it's, it's like so often, you know, the kind of the Goldilocks experience of like, Oh, that's too rigid.
[00:36:08] Charna Cassell: That's, there's no room for sex and sexuality. There's no room for humor. There's no only spirit or Oh, you know, whatever it is. And having that perfect blend. I'm really looking forward to it. I don't know if I, if I've shared this with you, but I used to go to rhythm and motion and I danced six days a week and it was a massive healing for me to become embodied in that way, to, to land in myself cause I was incredibly uncomfortable with being seen before that.
[00:36:36] Charna Cassell: so. It's so vulnerable. Oh God. And Dan, I mean, having people and, but just. It's also a remarkable way to go like, okay, this is my prayer or this is my intention. Now I'm going to move my body in alignment with that. And so finding different dance forms that it's like, Oh, this allows me to feel the water and fluidity in my body.
[00:36:56] Charna Cassell: This dance form allows me to feel the strength in my body. This, you know, so I don't hesitate. To anyone listening, I, just getting to see you walk around the altar, just the way that you move your, move through space is beautiful and glorious. And so, so anyways, it's the invitation, your existence is an invitation and I'm, I'm thrilled to see what it is.
[00:37:22] Charna Cassell: And I get that it's, it's vulnerable to really admit and own the things we know to be true about ourselves.
[00:37:29] Natalie Silva: Mm
[00:37:29] Natalie Silva: hmm.
[00:37:29] Charna Cassell: You know, like who's going to judge us? Who's going to think you're arrogant? Who's going to, whatever it is that we decide people are judging, but, but, uh, you know, it's a felt palpable experience being in your presence.
[00:37:40] Charna Cassell: So
[00:37:41] Natalie Silva: thank you.
[00:37:42] Charna Cassell: Yeah.
[00:37:43] Natalie Silva: Yeah. I mean, I, I also came from an actual dancer background. I danced, you know, like, Ballet and did all of those things and the unwinding of all of that and those rules too in that way. And, yeah, I just, it's the same as like witnessing people in their vulnerability and innocence and like their purity and their prayer is the same thing of like being able to unwind and deprogram all of our ideas about what beauty is and what beautiful movement look like looks like and perfect alignment and pointed toes and the things, but.
[00:38:16] Natalie Silva: Really seeing people's uniqueness and their individuality through the way that they move. Because I think that dancing in front of people and singing in front of people are probably the two scariest things that people could ever like allow themselves to do. And I cannot get enough of people's like true, true, pure essence coming through.
[00:38:41] Natalie Silva: And like, Maybe, maybe that I could possibly create a space in a container where people felt safe enough to do that. And that I got to see that with my eyeballs is like, all that I want to do with my whole life. It's like, wow, thanks for letting me see you in all of your, you know, just perfect imperfection.
[00:39:04] Natalie Silva: you know, how you do you, how your body is, like, oh, and then like, then there, there will hopefully be a piece, Erica and I have talked about this before too, of like, having that, like, kind of voice, a space for a voice to come through in that way for people too, to like, people that are like, I can't sing, but just like hearing people that really feel that about themselves sing with all their hearts.
[00:39:27] Natalie Silva: Oh, oh, that's like, God, that's God. Yeah. Like, wow. Like, just, so, yeah, I'm so excited to watch your body move and see what it does and what it wants to do and how you are and how your toes are and how your wrists bend and how your, how you hold your shoulders and just the preciousness of you. I can't wait to see that and, and anybody else that wants to come and be a part of it.
[00:40:00] Natalie Silva: And, you know, it's like being an. A, a, a, a, example of like, Hey, this is how you can move, but never wanting anybody to feel like they have to move like me. You know, it's like, really, I want you to move like you. So, yeah.
[00:40:13] Charna Cassell: Beautiful. Yeah. It's while you were, you were talking and you mentioning singing, I had a flash to, Oh, cool.
[00:40:20] Charna Cassell: Cool. Cool. You singing during ceremony and you sing the Dumbo song and I, I mean, it just makes me cry. , and so I really want to talk about your self love practices, the different things that you do to just love yourself up. And I'm wondering, I don't know if you have a recording of yourself singing that, and if not, I want you to sing that for us.
[00:40:45] Natalie Silva: I would love to sing that for us. , and yeah, I think like, again, perfect alignment. We're sitting here right now, doing this right now, talking about, you know, loving ourselves in a self love practice that, you know, I think my whole coming to ceremony has always been like, I'm, I'm in a prayer to love myself and how can I do that more?
[00:41:09] Natalie Silva: And just when we think like, Oh yeah, I'm doing it, I'm doing it. Something else shows itself to be like, Whoa, I'm not really, I'm, I'm really faking it. I'm not really, I'm not really there. Like there are, there are, there are so many ways that I am. And I am constantly in A bigger prayer to love myself more.
[00:41:30] Natalie Silva: And what has, you know, worked so far has worked so far. Dance is such a huge part of it. Music is such a huge part of it. Nature is such a huge part of it. , like I think right now. I am in, this is a whole new level of getting to know myself as I'm in perimenopause, as I'm in like this descent, so much deeper into myself as I am in and have experienced.
[00:42:01] Natalie Silva: I think I'm really allowing myself to feel so much grief and, you know, new, Things arising and happening that like send me deeper into my grief to get deeper, deeper, deeper into myself to even know what it is I really want. What do I really want and how do I really like it and you know that a self love practice can also be a rage practice.
[00:42:27] Natalie Silva: Like, you know, I'm just like I'm in this place of also just being so comfortable with the parts of myself that I think I was so afraid to let other people see. , that aren't, you know. Oh yeah, she's a beautiful dancer and she wants to offer these things and she holds these ceremonies and she's so great and la la la.
[00:42:42] Natalie Silva: And it's just like, I, I really want all of the parts of myself to be seen. I'm, I am full of anger. I'm full of rage. And you know, I, I think it's about really, listening to those parts of myself now and really loving them up and choosing a good thing to do with myself in those moments where in the past I might choose addiction to some, something I'm addicted to.
[00:43:11] Natalie Silva: I'm grateful for my sobriety that has, changed my life. I've been sober for almost six years now, but that was a big, a big place to numb out. Now it's, there's just less and less places to hide and I'm just, , really finding out even who I am. And so like the self care practices right now are so much slowing down.
[00:43:35] Natalie Silva: I have been a. Go get her. I am a, I am an ambitious motherfucker and I want all these things and I, you know, it's like I'm moving at the speed of light most of the time and now I'm not. I'm just like really trying to slow down and be with myself, learning even more about a mindfulness practice. , Adam Moskowitz is an incredible mindfulness teacher in that way that's guiding me.
[00:44:02] Natalie Silva: And I just, I just had this other great idea the other day that I'm going to put, I have a blank wall in my room. I, I rearrange my house all the time. That's a self care practice. I move all my stuff around. Like that's helpful. And I have a blank wall in my room where I just want to like, write all over it.
[00:44:17] Natalie Silva: All of the things that I need to remember, like, these are the things that make you feel good, Natalie. Put your legs up the wall for 20 minutes. Go on a nature rage walk, which means, like, go in nature and go find a tree and scream into it. Grab some dirt and throw it and, like, have all your feelings, , you know.
[00:44:34] Natalie Silva: Take a bath. Go to the sauna. Go to a yoga class. Like, I'm also, it's hard to remember all the time, you know, I'm a mom, I have all kinds of things to do. So it's like, slow down. And really, I think in my prayer on Saturday was like, luxuriating in myself so slowly and like really demolishing time when it comes to how deeply and thoroughly I can love myself.
[00:45:07] Charna Cassell: I Have a question about that. So I'm, I'm in a similar practice around slowing down and there's a piece that I'm, I'm so curious about asking for help.
[00:45:20] Natalie Silva: Yeah.
[00:45:20] Charna Cassell: Right. About when you've been raised as, when there wasn't resource and support that was dependable around you and you've become very self reliant and can tolerate tremendous discomfort, the appropriate place of what's.
[00:45:40] Charna Cassell: when to ask for help, right? When to sit with, I mean, of course, you know, if someone was my client, it's like, okay, if you tend to be someone who's self reliant, ask for help. Like, that's your practice. And if you're someone who always, you can't sit with discomfort and be with yourself, be with yourself, right?
[00:45:56] Charna Cassell: So it's not going to be a pat answer, but I'm curious about that for you. It's like, what did you learn around self reliance? When do you always ask for help? Is that your practice in terms of always talking to God or?
[00:46:08] Natalie Silva: I mean, I definitely feel like coming back to prayer that, that I have such a strong practice in that, but even then I still forget sometimes, you know, it's like I have, I have a chinook, I have an instrument of prayer and I forget to go pray with my pipe all the time.
[00:46:26] Natalie Silva: And I think it also brings up. That the privilege, like what a privileged person I am to have an Erica, to have a Maya, to have an Emmett, to have these people in my life that can be so present. And when you ask for help, actually show up and do the help thing. Not everybody has that. Right. I know that that's not everybody's reality.
[00:46:53] Natalie Silva: And like, you know, I think that it also all comes back to this. Big codependency prayer that we're all into of just like allowing people in, you know, it's like we can also get ourselves wound up in the idea that we don't have help. Well, they can't really help me and like before I even ask, like, well, if I say this, then they're going to think this and I'm going to manage all their feelings about it.
[00:47:13] Natalie Silva: But it's like, it's all about the vulnerability and letting people see you really letting people in and, and maybe they're not going to be able to hold you. Maybe they're not going to be able to hold that. I mean, I think that I have. There are, there are things that, that people can't hold with me, you know, there's, there's, there's levels of depression that I get into that are really hard for people to know what to do with.
[00:47:42] Natalie Silva: And I think are hard for me to feel like whatever they're trying to do, I see that everyone's trying to help that. It's just like, that's not it. You know, like, uh, you know, when you're in that dark place. So yeah. You know, I feel very fortunate to have people in my life that I feel like I can crumble and say, I need a lot of help.
[00:48:02] Natalie Silva: I feel very fortunate in my life that I could also say, I'm depressed, I'm in the dark right now and I don't even know what I need. , it helps right now to just tell you. That I don't know what I need. And you know, it's like, can you receive all of the love that is being offered to you when it's being offered because maybe somebody doesn't know exactly what to do with your depression, I feel very, very lucky that I know how to ask for help when I can and also it doesn't, it doesn't always, you know, It doesn't always happen for me either, and I don't know, I try to be really present in those moments to know, like, well, this is my time to be with me, then that means it's my time to be with me and to love myself up, I feel very grateful to be getting older. That I can just be like, maybe I might just be okay with Getting back under the covers and just stopping for the day or, you know, watching some fucking TV show that just is going to help me feel good in this moment and not feel like my whole life's going to fall apart if I don't fill in the blank, fill in the blank or whoever, you know, the people that work for me are going to be like, Oh, great.
[00:49:18] Natalie Silva: Now everything's going to fall apart, you know, and it's just like, like where we all started. I'm not holding everything. Like, can I just stop, you know, just really trying to feel like everything's actually going to get better.
[00:49:32] Charna Cassell: we're close to ending and I, I would love to know for you what is embodied freedom and you've spoke to it indirectly
[00:49:40] Charna Cassell: , but if you want to concisely.
[00:49:42] Natalie Silva: I think embodied freedom, freedom is really following your passion and every moment and living your life. Based on what really excites you and telling the truth. I think it's just really like at this point in my life, I, I'm so grateful for the ways that I notice, Ooh, this feels edgy and scary and vulnerable and like learning how to lean into that and tell the truth and you know, that I might, I might lose people along the way.
[00:50:14] Natalie Silva: And like, that's okay. I, I want to be, I want to be me all the way, all the way. And, you know, like, even if being me all the way in that moment leads to me going, that's not really me, actually. Like I'm, I'm just learning and I'm like letting it flow and, you know, trying my best to do that with grace all the time. So it's like not feeling like I got to go back and do research before I share, but just like letting it happen as it happens. , and loving and loving myself through all of that. And just like not going back over it afterwards and feeling like, oh, I should have said that differently or done it differently.
[00:50:52] Natalie Silva: It's just like, wow, I was really just myself. I was really just doing it in that moment. And now I'm this, and I love changing. I love learning. And I really want to do that in a way that feels loving to me.
[00:51:08] Natalie Silva: So Yeah.
[00:51:10] Charna Cassell: Do you want to, do you want to sing now? I'll sing the Dumbo song. Okay, you'll sing it now?
[00:51:15] Charna Cassell: Yeah. Why not? Awesome. So, this is just, I've gotten to hear you sing this a couple times and it's just so incredibly moving. So what I would like the listeners to use this as a practice. So, if you're, if you're driving, maybe you. Listen to it again later, but turn your attention inward and just feel yourself, feel your heart actually receive on a cellular level this song and see how that is for you and pay attention to your breath as she's singing.
[00:51:51] Natalie Silva: this song, the reason that we sing this song in ceremony and the moment that we sing it in ceremony is like, no matter what your relationship is with your mother, like this is, this is the, this is your mother's prayer for you. No matter what. And this is the, the mother love, you know, the true essence of divine mother love.
[00:52:12] Natalie Silva: So that's why we sing it.
[00:52:15] Natalie Silva: Baby mine. Don't you cry baby. Mine. Dry your eye. Rest your head. Close to my heart. Never depart, baby of mine. Little one, can you play? Pay no heed what they say. Let your eyes sparkle and shine. Never a tear, baby of mine. If you cry, They knew all about you.
[00:53:14] Natalie Silva: They'd end up loving you too. All those same people who scold you, what they give. Just for the right to hold you From your head down to your toe You're not much, goodness knows But you're so precious to me Sweet as can be Baby of mine. Takoyashi.
[00:54:10] Charna Cassell: Thank you.
[00:54:12] Natalie Silva: Such a gift. My pleasure. I sang that to Sunny every night.
[00:54:18] Natalie Silva: And while I was singing, Billie Jean went
[00:54:23] Charna Cassell: Yeah, sweet. So thank you for asking for that. Absolutely. Thank you. And how can people find you?
[00:54:32] Natalie Silva: You can find me through my website. I, I, um, I make perfume and, um, sacred potions and scents made with prayer. Um, so my website is God's eye oils. com. I'm on Instagram at God's eye oils.
[00:54:49] Natalie Silva: Erica and I have, A prayer, a prayer circle group called made of stars, and you can find us at made of stars. com., and join us and be a part of our beautiful web. , you're, you're all included. So yeah.
[00:55:06] Charna Cassell: So much
[00:55:07] Charna Cassell: love. Oh, thank you so much.
[00:55:10] Charna Cassell: So good to see you.
[00:55:11] Natalie Silva: Thank you so much. I love you so, so much. Thank you for. just being with me. It's, it's the, it's the greatest gift. It's what else is there to do? Just want to sit here with you and, and, and talk, talk it all out until it turns to dust. Stardust.
[00:55:31] Charna Cassell: I look forward to getting dusty with you soon.
[00:55:34] Charna Cassell: Thank you for joining us. If you like this episode, please like rate and review it and share it with your friends. If you'd like to stay connected, you can find me on Facebook and Instagram at Laid Open Podcast.
[00:55:47] Charna Cassell: That's L A I D P O D C A S T all one word. You can also go to charnacacell. com and join my newsletter or my free monthly energy clear out group. And you'll receive resources as well as information about courses, et cetera. And at passionate life. org, you can read more about my private practice and my approach to healing.
[00:56:13] Charna Cassell: This has been laid open podcast with your host, Charna Cassell. We all have different capacities, but I believe in our capacity to grow and change together. Until next time.
