Written by Delilah Gray for Buzzfeed.
Before I got on antidepressants, I was the horny friend, to put it bluntly.
Not the type of horny that would make out with every guy at the bar — I was way too shy for that lifestyle. I’m talking about the type that, once they’re in a relationship, have sex all the time. Basically, I was one-half of the typical horny couple that gets whacked off within the first 30 minutes of the horror film. So that y’all get it: I was running on hormones until I was 21 years old.
A couple of other things about me that you should know: I have a few mental disorders and physical ailments. The mental package comes with OCD, depression, and anxiety. And the physical baggage involved waking up almost every night in screaming pain from my chronic migraines. Needless to say, life wasn’t pleasant for me for a long time. And I tried everything — from experimental yoga to buying a new mattress — but nothing really worked.
So begrudgingly, in mid-February 2020, my parents drove me to the doctor in an effort to finally find a solution for the pain I was living with and this is when I was put on antidepressants.
After only a five-minute conversation, my doctor immediately wanted to get me onto a new medication, an antidepressant. He told me it’d help me with both my depression and chronic migraines in a few weeks. Now, initially, I was super excited. I desperately wanted relief. Then I asked the dreaded question: “What side effects are there?”
To which he told both my mother and me that I’d be more anxious for a few weeks, and possibly experience the “normal” antidepressant side effects. He told me to expect some weight gain, some trouble sleeping, and low libido, and that for the first few weeks, I’d feel even more anxious than usual. But he also reminded me that the symptoms vary with everyone. Here’s the thing: I had it all eventually. But I also had no migraines.
Let’s fast-forward about six months to August 2020: The antidepressants my doctor had prescribed worked wonders. I barely had any migraines anymore, and I was finally handling my emotions clearly. Almost everything was perfect — except that I’d lost my sex drive.
I spoke with marriage and family therapist Charna Cassell, founder of the Center for Passionate Living. Cassell told BuzzFeed, “Antidepressants are notorious for killing one’s libido. They widen your window of how much you can feel or tolerate before getting overwhelmed, but they also numb your hyperarousal response, which is needed for turn-on.”
Now, if you’re on an SSRI like I am, it’s especially common, from what Tatyana Dyachenko, a relationship and sex expert for Peaches & Screams, told BuzzFeed. “Whilst antidepressants can increase the levels of serotonin in your brain, they also prevent other cells from reabsorbing the serotonin. This leaves the extra serotonin hanging around in your synapses. Too little serotonin makes us sad, but too much seems to have an impact on libido.”
So even though I had established that what I was experiencing was normal, I was still left with the question, How the heck am I supposed to deal with it?
That’s where I had some issues too. Even now I struggle with it, because I’ve been so used to my horny self before the meds. However, something to realize is that you change and your sex drive can, too, naturally. It doesn’t mean you’re broken.
Whenever I’m feeling insecure about it, I first remind myself that it’s OK not to be in the mood. Caitlin V. Neal, MPH, resident sexologist for sexual hygiene company Royal, summed it up perfectly: “Keep connected to your sexuality and eroticism … Notice where you feel erotically engaged, celebrate it when it happens, and turn your focus to pleasure.” She continued, “Try not to shame yourself. Our culture is pretty sex-obsessed, and there’s a very strong narrative that you should want (and are having) sex all the time. In truth, your sex life has many seasons, and this is totally normal even due to antidepressants.”
I frequently have to keep this in mind, and a lot of the time, it helps. My partner also helps deal with the incessant thoughts. Right around the time I started taking my new meds, I started dating a former coworker. I was panicked that my low sex drive would make him leave, due to my past trauma. But he was incredibly understanding and even helped me adjust to the new libido.
Click here to read the rest of the original article in its entirety.
