Show Notes
[00:00:00] Charna Cassell: welcome back to LaidOPEN Podcast. I'm finally launching my highly anticipated course, Pathways to Peace, Mindful Practices for Transformative and Vibrant Living. Even as I worked on creating this course, I used these exact tools to guide myself through situations that reactivated childhood PTSD. I will teach you these skills, along with how to understand your nervous system and its reactions.
[00:00:25] Charna Cassell: How to think more clearly and gain perspective. How to translate the ways your body communicates through physical sensations. How to identify emotions, where they come from, and what they're telling you. How to discover why you react in ways that produce shame and learn tools to manage these reactions.
[00:00:43] Charna Cassell: How to reduce your anxiety and destructive impulses. How to diminish self hatred when you are not your best self. The early bird offer goes until July 8th, so get it while you can, and if you wanna learn more before then, and I hope you do, you can go to my
[00:00:59] Charna Cassell: courses page, which is
[00:01:00] Charna Cassell: courses dot charna cassell that's C-H-A-R-N-A-C-A-S-S-E-L l.com for more information.
[00:01:11] Charna Cassell: This is your host Charna Cassell, and my guest today is the fabulous Matthew Boudreaux,
[00:01:18] Charna Cassell: I'm really looking forward to this conversation with Matthew, aka MX Domestic, to their fans. I previously had Matthew on season two, episode 23, and there's been a lot of changes in their life since then. Not only in their public presence and the anti hate stand they take in the quilting world, but also there's been significant revelations in their personal life and their identity.
[00:01:41] Charna Cassell: Matthew continues to move through a deep trauma healing process and is here to share the tools they use to navigate all of this and more. I encourage you to listen to the first episode so that you have a bigger context, although we will be revisiting some of this in this episode as well. I hope you enjoy.
[00:01:59] Learn how to live embodied If it's about to unwind Uncover new tools and start healing Leave trauma and tension behind Isn't it great laid open Let all your desires come true How can you live laid open Imagine yourself brand new. Imagine yourself brand new.
[00:02:43] Charna Cassell: Welcome, Matthew.
[00:02:45] Mathew Boudreaux: Thanks for having me. Um,, I loved the conversation we had before and that it lives on, and I'm excited about this conversation today because as life tells me there , there's an ebb and flow.
[00:03:00] Mathew Boudreaux: And even with like my healing, it's like I've taken a couple steps back that I'm not really sharing, but happy to share that here. And, um, I'm learning that trauma healing isn't a linear process and that there are a lot of. roadblocks out there and people who don't like it when you show up as your healed self.
[00:03:21] Mathew Boudreaux: Luckily I am in a healing journey as opposed to a dissenting journey where I was before. And so I'm able to tackle those. So I'm just, I'm really curious how this conversation is going to go. Cause as always, I'll be a hundred percent authentic and show up as myself. Cause that's all I know how to, how to do at this point.
[00:03:37] Charna Cassell: Yeah. Thank you. I so appreciate that. And I, I really enjoyed connecting with you last time as well. And there's a lot that you just said in that introduction. , And in terms of where to start, do you want to, I mean, how about just where are you today? What, what's happening for you right now?
[00:03:57] Mathew Boudreaux: In my body, it feels amazing.
[00:04:00] Mathew Boudreaux: What, where is the emotion?
[00:04:04] Charna Cassell: Somebody, somebody's doing some somatic healing.
[00:04:07] Mathew Boudreaux: I am, I am. , Where am I today? I am stronger than I've ever been in my entire life. I have an aptitude for self love that I never knew was authentically possible. It's not just something that I say, it's something that I feel. I want nothing more than to be my authentic self as I navigate this planet on whatever my next steps are.
[00:04:31] Mathew Boudreaux: I, , have learned that I am on the autism spectrum, I have ADHD, CPTSD, really when I take all of the tests and when I got those diagnoses it was like off the charts, which is it? Is it all three? There's so much overlap with the three of them that, um,, it's hard to really discern. It's just my, my journey up until this point has seen a lot of trauma and seen a lot of challenges.
[00:04:55] Mathew Boudreaux: And now that I'm healing, I'm finding It harder to navigate corporate america, even though i'm a crafter. I still have a day job and me showing up authentically No longer masking at least not as I used to before And establishing boundaries is a challenge in a neurotypical world i've discovered And so that's where I am.
[00:05:23] Mathew Boudreaux: I've hit a couple obstacles when it comes to to that and things being used against me and um You It's another testament to how strong I am and how much healing I've done to not even be concerned that I'm going to like go back into a dissenting direction. That it's just another thing that I've got to heal through and I've learned how to heal through.
[00:05:45] Mathew Boudreaux: I just, I upped my therapy to where I'm going twice a week. I have a psychiatrist that I talk to actively. We're changing some meds and stuff. I'm on disability again. So I find myself on disability again from my corporate job because Some things happen that I need to heal from so that I don't dissent again.
[00:06:02] Mathew Boudreaux: I need to make sure to get a grasp on some things, but crafting and sewing is my lifeline and my lifeblood and that side of me, whoa, I'm so inspired. There's so much love and support that I've discovered that's real life intangible. I listened to the stories in my head that I told myself that I messed everything up and that no one wanted to work with me.
[00:06:22] Mathew Boudreaux: I was believing them until I did an event. Which was another healing thing. I was like, I've got to do this event. I was invited by some place that I knew would be safe. And so I did it. And literally the entire event, like as soon as I walked in the door, the whole time, there was not a line, but there was someone that wanted to talk to me no matter where I was the entire time.
[00:06:40] Mathew Boudreaux: I gave hundreds and hundreds of hugs, people wanting to share how I inspired them beyond sewing and crafting. And I was like, wow, I've reached a whole bunch of people. Let me see what I can do with this now and make a business of it. And so I'm inspired on that. vein of my life, but I do love my day job too, so I'd like to be able to go back to it if that's an option.
[00:06:59] Mathew Boudreaux: Yeah. So there's a lot of unknowns, but that's cool. I, I know I'm going to be great and that's why my spouse is cool. They're like, I'm so proud of how you're navigating this. I know you're going to be awesome. No matter what happens, you're going to be awesome. There's no more concern in my immediate circle of like that.
[00:07:14] Mathew Boudreaux: well, it feels great to feel protected and loved and seen by those that I value the most in the world and that value me the most in the world. So. That's where I am now, today.
[00:07:24] Charna Cassell: Yeah, good. I'm so glad to hear that you're doing, like, that your partner is, that things are solid there, and that you feel really supported and good at home, because when you're having a hard time in other places, it's really important for home to feel safe.
[00:07:38] Mathew Boudreaux: Yeah, that part. And fortunately, for this moment in my life, it's only one aspect of my life.,
[00:07:45] Mathew Boudreaux: as opposed to all aspects because prior it was like my my best friend of 20 years don't want to be friends anymore my my parents disowned me officially because my dad, my stepdad was trying to get money from my niece that I had control over.
[00:08:02] Mathew Boudreaux: And so he created all these lies and they, when I stood up to him, then he, they disowned me. I was like, okay, fine, whatever. Me and my niece are great. We have great relationship. She's coming to visit and stuff this summer. And then my crafting thing that was on the verge of becoming an empire, Like was just imploding.
[00:08:19] Mathew Boudreaux: And then the job I had at that time, they weren't understanding what I was going through. I didn't even at the time, really, I didn't know I had PTSD. I didn't know I had ADHD at the level I did. I didn't know I was on the spectrum. So we were all trying to figure it out. I've actually healed through that at a point where I'm like, uh, I'm still not happy with my old supervisor, but I understand it was a pandemic.
[00:08:44] Mathew Boudreaux: It was hard for all of us and we didn't know what was happening to me. , I was reaching out for help and she took it in a different way. , so it's like that experience was totally different than what I'm going through. So the fact that it's only work and, um, I've navigated the systems before, and I knew what to expect.
[00:09:05] Mathew Boudreaux: And it's like, everything's predictable at this point. , Yeah, the rest of my life is fantastic, and I'm doing great, and I love myself, which is new, too. I didn't back then, so.
[00:09:15] Charna Cassell: The process of, especially for people of more, like, our generation versus younger folks that have so many more resources and distinctions available to them, , the process of uncovering and discovering something like having ADHD, , being on the spectrum, um, Having CPTSD, how did you begin to discover that so that people who are out there who might be struggling with similar, like, you know, what were the symptoms and then what, what, , what steps did you take to help you?
[00:09:48] Mathew Boudreaux: Yeah, so for me, it was like a multi tiered process of peeling back the onion layers of me being dissociated for a few months after I had a psychotic break and was like, Sitting on my couch, not really knowing how to craft or sew anymore. Like, I would sit at my sewing machine, I didn't know how to do it, and I was like, what?
[00:10:10] Mathew Boudreaux: So it's like, every resource that I had to, like, pull me out of that wasn't working. , that was the main thing. I had discovered, probably, year and a half, two years prior, I got an official ADHD diagnosis. Now it was during the pandemic because things were just different being virtual and um, I am in sales during the day and so I go out and I interact with people.
[00:10:33] Mathew Boudreaux: I'm not in an office and so suddenly having to do everything like this was, it was just different. My executive function started to To falter and I was like, what's going on? Why? Why is this? And my supervisor would try to have corrective conversations. I tried to do and it just wasn't working. I was being forced into a like a way or peg round hole situation and I just kept trying to ask for help.
[00:10:59] Mathew Boudreaux: We had a major conflict because she for some reason was taking my request for help as a threat and it wasn't that I was just I need help here. Like what you're doing is actually making it harder for me. I need some help. So I went away for four weeks. , my psychiatrist at the time put me on ADHD meds.
[00:11:16] Mathew Boudreaux: We kind of knew, but didn't know, know at that point. Wow, did it help and made it amazing. It was the wrong meds. And I discovered I was over medicated, which caused part of my psychotic, psychotic break. That uncovered that. So once the ADHD component was controlled, then it's like the CPTSD, like, just came full front and forward.
[00:11:35] Mathew Boudreaux: And I was like, what is this? What is this? I don't know what's happening. Why do I suddenly feel psychologically unsafe everywhere? Like, no matter where I was, I just didn't feel safe. I was just catapulted into fight or flight. And I didn't, I didn't understand. It was a feeling that I had experienced.
[00:11:53] Mathew Boudreaux: Since childhood, since the trauma of intense sexual abuse that started at the age of six to eight was an intense period. I didn't know about, , but it happened like once a year where my body would do that. And then I would just like take that as I thought it was my intuition. I'd be like, Oh, my intuition is powerful.
[00:12:10] Mathew Boudreaux: I got to get out of here. And I would just listen to it and escape, but I wasn't able to escape it because it was always there. And that just started a gradual spiral to where. Work was hard and I was requesting accommodations which didn't get filled at work. , after five months didn't, they weren't accepting it or approving it.
[00:12:29] Mathew Boudreaux: And, , my boss kept doing the same things that were causing me harm and I would explain that and then she would take that as a threat. So it was a lot of that back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, until suddenly I was in a virtual room with some attorneys and we were going over all of my activity in my job.
[00:12:46] Mathew Boudreaux: I had to answer for all of it because. That's the thing about how trauma shows up for me when I'm backed into a corner, I show up magnificently. I compartmentalize like a pro and I had an answer for all of it because I don't do bad things. I just, I'm, I'm pretty, I'm by the book. I'm compliant because if I, even if I lie, like we all lie a little bit, right?
[00:13:07] Mathew Boudreaux: But like, if it's a major lie, I don't sleep and I like my sleep and I need my sleep to regulate. So, so that's. how I had my psychotic break after the experience with the attorneys. They told me at the end of it they were like, oh yeah, you're great, just send me this documentation, this investigation's over, no problem.
[00:13:23] Mathew Boudreaux: But by then, I, it started. The, I was just dissociated for a week, luckily I had therapy that Friday. Then, , my psychiatrist, who is a psychiatrist slash therapist, which I don't recommend having a combo, I don't know, my team is separated, that was part of the issue. And, um, they put me on disability. So I went on disability, and I sat on my couch for a couple months, and didn't know what was happening, my spouse didn't know what was happening.
[00:13:50] Mathew Boudreaux: , until One time we went fishing. , I don't fish, I crochet. I bring my crochet. But, my, my spouse went down to beach, cause, uh, they were fishing, , with my, our daughter, and Suddenly I was holding on to our dog and I was trying to climb this like steep bank hill and I didn't, I don't, didn't remember getting there and I was just screaming, I don't know where I am.
[00:14:12] Mathew Boudreaux: I don't know what's going on. Come help me. Come help me. I'm so scared. And my spouse said it reminded them of like people that go to war like it was, it was bad and they were like, Oh, wow, that's what's happening here. And that, unfortunately, I had to do that for them to see it.
[00:14:30] Charna Cassell: Right.
[00:14:31] Mathew Boudreaux: And for me to understand it.
[00:14:32] , shortly after that, I, , had a, a full on, like, break where my intrusive memories came up. My sexual, my childhood sexual assault, , sexual abuse, didn't know it was that intense. My stepfather, who was participant in disowning me, was one of the early people, , abuse of both me and my sister. My sister, who unfortunately passed away of a accidental prescription drug overdose.
[00:14:56] Mathew Boudreaux: 16 years ago now and I, I remember she had a lot of the things I was going through. I remember her going through it. I just didn't know what she was going through at the time. And she would like, be like, do you remember this? I was like, I don't remember. I don't know what, I don't know.
[00:15:12] Mathew Boudreaux: She was like, thank God, thank God. But like when the memories came, I was like, oh my God, this is what happened. And then suddenly like. a lot of memories in my whole life that I thought were like somewhat like ick. Suddenly like there was so much more context around a lot of them and I just had to like deal with the realization that wow my life has been pretty scary and I didn't remember it that way.
[00:15:46] Mathew Boudreaux: Um, and that was survival I've learned. So I didn't realize how intense the CPTSD was. I don't know what of all of the things was what caused it. It was a combination of the disowning from my mom, suddenly talking to her every day of my life, and then not being able to contact her anymore. It was big. And then my best friend, say in peace, because she didn't like how I was speaking out on racism, and then my job, and then how I was showing up on the internet.
[00:16:15] Mathew Boudreaux: Get a lot of brands, and so I just it was all just anything that's when I attempted suicide. I'm so grateful. I get to live, so I'm so grateful. It didn't work out. I still don't understand how it did. Um, I don't believe in, like, God per se, there's a higher power. Maybe. I don't know. But like, , I'm so grateful for life.
[00:16:38] Mathew Boudreaux: I'm so grateful that I love living. And, um, I would have missed out on so much. I would have missed out on this, even though I'm on the struggle bus right now. , I'm so grateful that I get to do more of this living and, , for the next chapters. And that's how I uncovered the extent of the CPTSD.
[00:16:54] Mathew Boudreaux: It was through that. And then as I was rebuilding myself. The next day, that's when I came out as non binary, because I still didn't recognize myself, know myself, and, um, was like, I need to, I need to latch on to something that's real, because unfortunately in this world, I had almost become a caricature, and it was driven by brand deals, and like, what I thought people wanted, it was the people pleasing stuff, I was like, oh, people want, want this, they want the rainbow, they want the, ah, you that's a part of myself, but really that's the mask that I created to survive, to get to that point.
[00:17:31] Mathew Boudreaux: And so, I was like, I didn't recognize, I had dyed hair at the time, I was like, oh my god, what is going on? I couldn't dye my hair anymore, because I was like, no, I need to know, I need to know what I see in the mirror. I need to recognize it. And the first thing in coming out as non binary, I think that saved my life, honestly.
[00:17:47] Mathew Boudreaux: Because, my gender I've always struggled with, and just, That was the first moment I was able to exhale in all of this, and it was like a weight was lifted, and I felt it, and it was just like so tangible, and, , and just step by step, I took it a moment at a time, and I, I realized that my provider was wrong, that, , I was over medicated.
[00:18:11] Mathew Boudreaux: I was on seven antipsychotics.
[00:18:14] Charna Cassell: Oh my gosh,
[00:18:15] Mathew Boudreaux: Because they were trying to help me get into long term disability, but they didn't document things right. And so they were pushing back saying that not enough changes had happened. So then he would like add a med, which would do one thing.
[00:18:32] Mathew Boudreaux: And I, then they would add another med to like do another thing. And it was just like back and forth and back and forth. , I would just, it was, I was cranked up and luckily I work in the pharmaceutical industry and. , I knew what I needed to do. I was like, I'm going to take control because I was fearful that what happened to my sister was going to happen.
[00:18:51] Mathew Boudreaux: Cause when she passed, she was on lithium. She was on, she was on so many meds and I knew it wasn't right, but like, I didn't know what I know now. , And so I just wanted a time. I was like, let me take down titrate. The, it took me six, seven months. I started a new job as I was doing that, , and I thought I had a boss that understood, , what I was going through and was supportive, slowly but surely I built a new team when I was down to two meds. Found a psychiatrist that focused on those on the spectrum and ADHD and she was like, you did exactly the right thing. She was like, I wouldn't recommend that normally, but, um, you did exactly the right thing. She recommended a therapist who's, oh my God.
[00:19:34] Mathew Boudreaux: Wow. I mean, it's when it's a match, it's a match. And I've never felt a match like I do with my therapist. I'm so gentle. So, um, Present, uh, queer. So it makes it easier to navigate that part and, , calls me all my shit in the best way, doesn't let me run from things and makes me sit with things and try different strategies.
[00:19:57] Mathew Boudreaux: During that, I was like, let me go get tested. Cause that's the one thing about neuro divergent, tick talk, social media. Once you get in it, then you start seeing things. And I was like, Wait, this would explain so much if I was actually on the spectrum. And I got diagnosed, it's hella expensive. , for adults, it's not cheap.
[00:20:18] Mathew Boudreaux: It's a privilege. I recognize that people need to self diagnose, like, cool, like, that's cool. It's not for attention. It's for understanding, , off the charts, mild, moderate, but it was a lot, it was a lot more than I thought it would be. And I was like, Oh, no wonder I don't pick up on social cues.
[00:20:34] Mathew Boudreaux: No wonder, like, I've spent my entire life perfecting communication. I haven't, I did competitive speech and debate from middle school all the way through college. I have an undergrad and one of my master's in communication. All of this was to like learn how to do it. Like I, I realized, oh, eye contact is optional.
[00:20:52] Mathew Boudreaux: I don't have to do that. Oh my God. Just so many aspects. It was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. That's what's going on here. Wow. That would have been lovely to know. Thank God I had people in my life. Teachers, peers, I was, um, luckily, luckily I was put in, , the gifted programs, which gave me access to different people and kids than my, my, my siblings had had and they, , not through peer pressure, but just like the competitive thing that happens there got me to get a full scholarship and I just had different avenues.
[00:21:28] Mathew Boudreaux: I'm so fortunate, but it also informed me as to why, you know, I've been assaulted so many times and why I was prey to so many things is that The statistics for queer kids and the statistics for kids on the spectrum, , for assault, sexual assault is so high. It's so prevalent. ,
[00:21:50] Charna Cassell: I want to, I want to just pause you cause there's so much.
[00:21:55] Mathew Boudreaux: Oh yeah. I just was rambling for like an hour.
[00:21:57] Charna Cassell: No, that's okay. I just, I want to, uh, underline a couple things and there's just, there's so much that you're, that you're sharing and, , Going back to the piece about the C PTSD, right? Yeah. And, first of all, you know, what, what people see often as ADHD is an, is also an intelligent response to trauma.
[00:22:26] Charna Cassell: Right. There's a certain level of vigilance, , that develops in response to or love or dissociation, right? Certain numbing. I mean, all the things that you're talking about, like if you take, you could just take, you could take the ADHD out. And and have the PTSD there and it's like somebody trying to, they're working so hard to be able to just focus because their nervous system is so ramped up.
[00:22:59] Charna Cassell: Right? So, you know, just like, but then you take the intersection and you add them all together. And I just, I'm sitting here going, Oh buddy, you were working so hard and it speaks to your level of, of brilliance and determination. And I'm also just so sorry that you had to, um, be working so hard to soothe yourself and cope and move through the world.
[00:23:27] Charna Cassell: Thank you. And, you know, the thing that, that's important that you point to, right, is that you can't address something until you're aware of it. And our brains are brilliant and they will protect us, right? Yep. There's something called like the theta gates, right? And when they are closed, they are, they're compartmentalizing and protecting us from memories and things that are too hard and too overwhelming.
[00:23:54] Charna Cassell: Right? Mm hmm. And it sounds like, you know, you really mastered dissociation to preserve yourself,
[00:24:00] Mathew Boudreaux: right? Thank goodness I navigated the world not being aware of what the truth was.
[00:24:07] Charna Cassell: Right. And that's the thing, right? So the intelligence of dissociation and the unfortunate thing though is what we dissociate from, if we don't have the awareness of the original trauma, it pops up in present time and we feel like it's the, Yeah.
[00:24:21] Charna Cassell: Present day situation. Yep. Right? So you had work. You had current day family stuff, right? , and you know, like mom disowning you makes so much sense that it would, , push that button, right, of like, I'm not being supported by this person who should have been there to protect me.
[00:24:43] Mathew Boudreaux: And I believe, not that it's ever a moment, that that was the moment.
[00:24:49] Mathew Boudreaux: Mm hmm. Mm hmm. If there were a moment, if there were a major catalyst, it was no longer having access to my mom, who I considered one of my best friends, decades, and that my stepdad, who was the cause of my harm in the beginning, Use my dead sister's child and tried to harm that relationship Yeah When I did everything in my power to make sure that I showed up the best I could for Her because my sister she was the sibling that we were like we were two peas I didn't realize we were bonded through the trauma we were right, but we were Best friends.
[00:25:32] Mathew Boudreaux: She was my one source of unconditional love. She's the reason I'm a fighter. She's the reason I'm tenacious. She's the reason that I care about people that are different than me. She's, she's the reason for all of that and thank goodness. And getting to know my niece as an adult now, uh, those values were instilled in her and I did, I did my good job and hopefully she's going to move with her boyfriend to the Pacific Northwest to be near me.
[00:25:57] Charna Cassell: Oh, that's so special.
[00:26:00] Mathew Boudreaux: Yeah, so that, that, that relationship was not harmed. , because. Truly, the, not the burden, but when my sister passed, I was like, okay, I got to do this for her. It's like I was living for two people. And that propelled my career to a place I never knew I could achieve, because I knew I needed to take care of her.
[00:26:19] Mathew Boudreaux: And then when I had my own kid, I was like, I got two kids I got to take care of. I need to make sure that both are taken care of. And I was like, why are y'all, like, I'm the good kid. Why are y'all doing that to me? It was all because finally I was standing up to him and not knowing the harm that he had done and his friends.
[00:26:36] Mathew Boudreaux: I refused to allow my daughter to experience any of the abuse from him and he didn't like that. Which a narcissist never will. And he pretended to be my mom in an email. I think he took advantage of her. Wow, I don't know that she has Alzheimer's. I know that my grandma did. And my mom's in her mid 80s.
[00:26:57] Mathew Boudreaux: around the same time, took advantage of her demented state and planted lies and then just deleted my number from her phone and luckily I had one more conversation with her when I found her at a hospital when she had a hip replacement. And I didn't realize at the time that was gonna be the last conversation, but she just kept saying, I knew that I enjoyed speaking to you.
[00:27:19] Mathew Boudreaux: I knew that you made me feel good. And she kept saying that, and I was like, oh yeah, of course, we love talking to each other. Yeah, what is that? And it was a great conversation. , so I'm glad I had that.
[00:27:29] Charna Cassell: Yeah.
[00:27:30] Mathew Boudreaux: I'm glad I had that. But now in retrospect, I'm like, oh, that's what happened. Got it.
[00:27:36] Mathew Boudreaux: Right. Well,
[00:27:37] Charna Cassell: as you became more empowered and started to have boundaries, it sounds like he was like, I need to control this narrative even more intensely.
[00:27:44] Charna Cassell: Right.
[00:27:45] Mathew Boudreaux: Yep. And he used my, my mom and her relationship with all of us that same way. I just was never on the out. I was never, even though he detested me for being queer and, um, I guess later he detested me for being liberal and as he called me in the disowning email, I'm just like all the other educated liberals that think that they're better than everyone.
[00:28:10] Mathew Boudreaux: And I wanted to be like, no, I actually think I'm worthless. And all I ever wanted was for you to say I was good. And you never did. Like that's, I don't think I'm better than anyone. Now I realize my awesomeness. I'm like, oh, I'm awesome. So I've gotten there without him. But yeah, all of the, the overlaps and that CPTSD, it's a, um, it's a doozy, it's a doozy.
[00:28:32] Charna Cassell: Well, and I think it's important for people who don't know what it is, but just the specifics of that there are layered traumas, right? There's so many different ways. And without knowing more of the story, the narrative that I could make up from just being a viewer of your social media, and this was a, this was actually a question I had for you.
[00:28:51] Charna Cassell: So I'll put the question aside for a second, just say that, you know, layers of, there's the personal developmental trauma of which I assume might be sexual abuse.
[00:29:00] Mathew Boudreaux: Yep.
[00:29:00] Charna Cassell: And also coming out as gay. I don't know. Where did you grow up?
[00:29:04] Mathew Boudreaux: In Texas. Houston, Texas.
[00:29:06] Charna Cassell: Okay. There we go. Yeah.
[00:29:07] Mathew Boudreaux: So
[00:29:10] Charna Cassell: culturally, right?
[00:29:11] Charna Cassell: Not being accepted.
[00:29:13] Charna Cassell: You know, homophobia. Yeah. , And so there's the intersection of all these pieces and the, the, you know, singular experiences that layer on top of one another throughout your development and, and then not having support to turn to, to help manage, phase, feel through, integrate anything as it occurs.
[00:29:38] Charna Cassell: And then present time, knowing the amount of hate that you received, , from certain parts of the quilting community. Right? And so the trauma of that, of like, how that can touch into that same place of being disowned by family.
[00:29:55] Mathew Boudreaux: It did, and it was, , part of my realization that I could no longer be the caricature in the quilting world anymore was me realizing that I was so focused on The support of those who reminded me of my mother.
[00:30:14] Mathew Boudreaux: And so I was missing out on showing up as myself. And so I did the things to win their love and affection and I got it in spades. I got it in spades. , but then I realized that that's what I was doing at the detriment of me creating an inclusive environment, which I, I wanted, and I, I desired more than anything.
[00:30:34] Mathew Boudreaux: I just didn't know. I didn't know that like. I did that. I didn't know that that's what I was doing until I was like, oh, I'm in it. Oh, yeah. No I can't do that anymore And so I was I was like going through what I was going through and trying to stand up for People that I thought that, like, once I saw what I saw with, with racism, and my spouse is Black, I was like, oh my gosh, I have not been showing up for them.
[00:30:59] Mathew Boudreaux: I have to show up for the community. I have to do the things. I didn't realize I would get that much hate. I didn't, it's, I have to be very conscious now because I don't innately have the ability to foresee consequences.
[00:31:10] Charna Cassell: Right, right, right. Well, if you're, if you're, if you're moving through the world mostly triggered, that's not the part of your brain that you're, you're moving from, right?
[00:31:21] Charna Cassell: And so you, it's, it, it blinds you to consequences.
[00:31:25] Mathew Boudreaux: So I didn't think it and now experience that a couple of times. Um, and I'm like, Oh, yeah, that was predictable. And so it's like, I have enough data points to realize these things are predictable and I don't do them anymore because my mental health is the most important thing.
[00:31:39] Mathew Boudreaux: And so I just learned how to communicate certain things if I want to talk about issues more empathetically as opposed to like poking the bear and like doing that.
[00:31:48] Charna Cassell: So I know that one of the concerns for you at one point was moving from realizing, okay, I've actually been doing a lot of social media from a triggered place.
[00:32:00] Charna Cassell: And now that you've learned some tools for self regulation, one, I would love for you to share, like, what are the tools you have to regulate yourself? And then how, and then two, how do you approach in, in, before doing some posts or, or sharing something and taking a stand for something, how do you check in and make sure you're doing it from a place that's more regulated rather than triggered?
[00:32:23] Mathew Boudreaux: Right. Which was, uh, process. To develop because I didn't have those skills because I didn't realize that my willingness to just stand up and take the hits my whole life, I would be the shield for others. I didn't realize that that was being triggered. I didn't know that. And that, like, I don't have a superpower to take all of that.
[00:32:48] Mathew Boudreaux: I, I never have, that was pretend it always did harm. And I just pretended like I didn't. And so it started with me. When was it? It, it was the beginning of 2023. There were a couple posts from Martin Luther King Jr. day that people had posted that were very performative, and they were brands that I knew about.
[00:33:10] Mathew Boudreaux: And I didn't post it on my, my feed. I did that on my stories. And then I didn't get the response from them that I thought. I thought that would, Be like them they would like reach out but instead they did it and it was over and I was like oh I didn't realize now I realize I should just call it in all of the time.
[00:33:26] Mathew Boudreaux: I don't need to call out anyone like I I and retrospectively I didn't really make much impact beyond people knowing that I'm a safe place now. Um, but I didn't make much impact in the industry. Um, I I don't feel so that that made me realize I need to take more of a step back and think about who I'm trying to impact.
[00:33:47] Mathew Boudreaux: Am I doing all of this for follows and likes? Because it's easy content to post about social issues when they're happening in real time and get a lot of follows and get a lot of engagement. I was like, that's not the reason I do any of this. I don't want to do that. Then I just started thinking about, well, what's always been the impact?
[00:34:05] Mathew Boudreaux: I'd done it enough to realize what, what it would do. And I had to realize that it was causing harm to my mental health. Like it wasn't, It wasn't doing great things. You end up on libs of TikTok once, and like, I don't ever want it. It happened to me twice. Wow, the hate that you get from that was so intense.
[00:34:23] Mathew Boudreaux: More intense than the quilters. The quilters were just personal. But that was like, whoa. That was a lot that I brought to my family. And I just couldn't do it anymore. And um, so, I stopped doing that. I just stopped talking altogether and I would bring in and share other people talking about stuff and like make like a Montage video and post them both at the same time so it was half crafting half that and that's kind of how I navigated getting through that and I just felt like I don't know.
[00:34:58] Mathew Boudreaux: I just take everything so literal that like It's my responsibility as being a white human and being, as, I'm non binary, but I'm, I'm handsome and male presenting and so for most people I navigate the planet that way, that I have this privilege, I have to use it and I just have to do it. And I'm like, no, that's not, I'm not making an impact.
[00:35:19] Mathew Boudreaux: When I do that, I'm just, even with the little videos, I'm just speaking to those that are like minded. I'm not like, Making an impact and changing minds of people who I want to bring forward. And so instead of doing that, I just decided to share my story about stuff. I shared my story about the times I didn't show up for my spouse and people really resonated with that.
[00:35:39] Mathew Boudreaux: And I was like, Oh, that's a way I can actually impact change is making, being vulnerable and sharing myself. And I didn't get the hate when I did that from people. So that was, that was all an experiment of learning the how. That's what I, that's what I do right now for my mental health when I'm choosing what to do.
[00:35:57] Mathew Boudreaux: But now it's like, I don't respond to comments, , I'll record a video. There have been so many times in the beginning where I'd record something, I'd edit it, I'd look at it, and I would be like, what's the impact going to be? Who, who am I speaking to here? What's going to come back on me? And I would just have to have those thoughts.
[00:36:12] Mathew Boudreaux: And I'd be like, oh, I don't want to post that. And so I don't want all of that to come to me because it will hurt my mental health. And just that realization was a big one and taking a step back. Responding to comments, it's like, why do people do that? I, I don't, like, why would you respond to a hater like that?
[00:36:28] Mathew Boudreaux: But for the most part, it's like, why are you going to argue? Cause it would just get me triggered and just identifying that feeling. Because for the first time I was starting to know what not being triggered felt like.
[00:36:37] Charna Cassell: So it's interesting, , because when I think of like, well, what are you doing to regulate yourself before posting? I'm thinking from a somatic vantage point. I'm like, are you relaxing your pelvic floor and breathing into your belly and feet? Are you like, what are you somatically, physically, physically doing for yourself to calm and ground yourself?
[00:37:01] Charna Cassell: Right. Before posting.
[00:37:05] Charna Cassell: You know. So what are, what are the actual practices? So it's great that there are these, these things, external things to not engage with because what your narcissistic stepfather did, right, there's, it's like having one of those commenters and haters living in your home, hooking, hooking, hooking you.
[00:37:24] Charna Cassell: And so disengaging is one of the few ways that you can. Take care of yourself, but then what about in, internally inside yourself?
[00:37:33] Mathew Boudreaux: For me, just in general, I'll answer in general and then the specifics that I do to get me to the place of calm. Right, so, in general, I just listen to my body.
[00:37:43] Mathew Boudreaux: I listen to it. It's a lot of what we do in therapy is like anytime I'm having a feeling and can identify it Where is it in your body? What's what's that feel like describe it that like that kind of stuff, but i'll just listen Now I know what the triggered feeling feels like
[00:37:57] Charna Cassell: can you describe that because I think that's really useful for people to be able to go oh This is a sign that I'm triggered.
[00:38:05] Charna Cassell: So, and it's gonna be different for different people, but what is it for you?
[00:38:09] Mathew Boudreaux: For me, it's like my body is a little bit more tense. I feel my muscles being a little bit more tense. My heart rate probably doubles. I can feel it jumping out of my chest. Um, I, I'm speaking at a more rapid pace than I would normally.
[00:38:23] Mathew Boudreaux: , I, I do get a little bit red faced sometimes whenever it's pretty intense. , but really it's just, it's a, it's a tightness overall in my spirit, my throat, my voice, my demeanor, just everything. And, um, that is not confidence, that's triggering. And so, I do the things to get out of that. And, um, I listen to, like, binaural music, do a lot of EMDR, I will, , like, cleanse my ears, relax them, I'll do deep breathing exercises, sometimes I'll get on the floor and do child's pose for a while, or just get into Shavasana for a while, and just desensitize, I have some things I put in my ear, like, To block out the noise.
[00:39:08] Mathew Boudreaux: It's like if I can remove some of the senses to help get me more to a grounded space then that's, that's what I'll do. , so those are the steps that I know for myself. Um, and most of the time those work. If those don't work then it's like I gotta go to exercise and I gotta get it out and it's like, uh.
[00:39:25] Mathew Boudreaux: I mean, it's been great. It's a, it's, I wouldn't be where I am here if I didn't also work on my body. It's like, there's a mind body connection in all of it. I, I knew that I had to. I actually started my trauma healing with my body because I was like, that's something I can control. I didn't know how to fix this.
[00:39:41] Mathew Boudreaux: And then it just all worked. So those are the, those are the steps and having regular therapy sessions helps. Being open to appropriate medicine again, helps whenever I do get triggered, but what. has helped me and the choice of what I choose to post is if it's something that I need to talk about or if it's something that I'm going through I don't talk about it until I'm to the other side of it.
[00:40:06] Mathew Boudreaux: I don't want to talk about something when I'm in it because then I get trapped in it when I post it online and I don't get to get to the other side. So if it's an issue or a topic or social justice then I want to get to a place of. moving past the anger to a like, okay, what can I do to help? Where do I, where am I in this?
[00:40:27] How does it relate to my life? How can I communicate it? And my brain will just do what it does. And occasionally I'll post. And most of the time I won't, but I just, I have to get to the other side. And that's not what I was doing, nor do a lot of people on social media. Do you do it in a reactive stance, whether you're triggered or not, it's reactive.
[00:40:47] Mathew Boudreaux: And I don't want to be reactive. I want to be. Responsible with my platform and, um, responsible with my mental health. And so I do a lot of thinking on it , that helps me heal. And so instead of getting trapped in the moment and the anger and the conflict and the whatever, I get trapped in the resolution or the, what did I learn?
[00:41:09] Mathew Boudreaux: And then we get to talk about that. And that's not triggering at all. That's healing and helpful. I love that, that's helped me. And I didn't realize. That I just stopped, I don't post as much on those kind of things anymore just because I was like, I want to, I want to just sew and craft.
[00:41:25] Mathew Boudreaux: I don't have to do all of that. I can just be, I, I, I know I have privilege in some aspects, but I also have a lot of oppression and a lot of trauma and a lot of other things and being visible in itself in this space and showing up, um, proud is doing a lot in itself that I don't have to make up for the wrongs of all the other people.
[00:41:46] Mathew Boudreaux: And I can just focus on ways that I can help without hurting myself. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
[00:41:52] Charna Cassell: Yeah, yeah, I think that there's, uh, you know, you spoke at the very beginning when we were started talking about boundaries.
[00:41:59] Mathew Boudreaux: Mm hmm.
[00:42:00] Charna Cassell: It sounds like you've gotten a lot better at respecting your own boundaries. Mm hmm. And real, and like, because what happens with sexual trauma, right, is boundaries get, you don't, the message is you don't get to have them.
[00:42:11] Charna Cassell: And then if you don't remember that that happened, and even if you do remember that that happened, you move through your life believing you don't get to have them. Mm hmm.
[00:42:18] Mathew Boudreaux: Yep. And that's unfortunately what I thought sex was. I didn't know there's I, I, I no longer blame myself, but I've been assaulted 20 plus men in my lifetime up through my thirties.
[00:42:32] Mathew Boudreaux: And, , I thought I was doing it. I was like, what am I doing for this to happen over and over again? And that's how trauma trauma repeats itself. It just, it, it will happen. Um, And also because of my being on this, I just don't pick up on social cues, I just don't understand, but there's so many times I just, I didn't want to do what I was doing and I would just freeze and just do that and get through it and then pretend like it didn't happen and then I forget about it.
[00:42:59] Mathew Boudreaux: And so for my sexual identity, I identify as asexual, but I don't know. I don't know. Luckily, My spouse is, oh God, I am so excited and grateful I get to grow old with them. We've been together since 2001. , they identify as demisexual, so they're on the asexual spectrum. It's just not a priority. And if I ever, Was open to it or wanted to do it, then I envision us sitting on a bed and being like, Hey, you want to try some things and just giggling and like, yeah, learning.
[00:43:33] Mathew Boudreaux: Cause it's like, I don't know. They don't know. They have not a similar story, but they, they haven't had the best, , upbringing either. I don't know if I'm asexual or not. I just, that's a safe place for me at the moment.
[00:43:45] Charna Cassell: Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I completely, I completely get that. And I, I just, again, I want to underscore a couple of things that you said
[00:43:53] Charna Cassell: I also, uh, grew up thinking I had a sign on my head that was like, if you're an old man, fuck with me, you know, , because what happens when you freeze. You know, and it's, it's so hard because people who freeze because of, uh, you know, early trauma or sexual trauma, , will often go into self blame when it occurs later in life.
[00:44:14] Charna Cassell: And then you also have this masterful ability to, , to compartmentalize repeatedly. So that these things would get, like, numbed out, dissociated from, and then not addressed. And in a certain way, things repeat themselves to give us the opportunity to feel the original experience and address it. Like, if you're looking at it from a really zoomed out spiritual vantage point, it's like, oh, how, what is my, what's, what's happening here that my, my soul wants me to evolve through and actually face.
[00:44:43] Charna Cassell: But it's. It's horrible, and I'm so sorry that that repeatedly happened to you, and it should never happen to anyone.
[00:44:50] Mathew Boudreaux: Thank you. Like, wow, okay, yeah, there's power that I can reclaim here. I don't necessarily need to go through my list of people and do that, but like, that helped me not blame myself anymore.
[00:45:01] Charna Cassell: You know, the thing that people without having a trauma education don't realize is how brilliant that strategy is, right?
[00:45:10] Charna Cassell: It's like coming from the animal kingdom. If you freeze, right? Or if you play dead, then you freeze. You know, you could be old meat. You're not fresh. You're not safe to eat. I'm gonna get sick if I eat you or if I attack you, right? So, your cerebellum is reacting and assessing, am I strong enough to fight?
[00:45:31] Charna Cassell: Am I, Um, am I fast enough to run away? No, this is what I have to do. And there's so much going on, but your, even your voice freezes when you freeze. So you can't speak up for yourself,
[00:45:41] Charna Cassell: right, and then dissociate. It's like freeze and dissociate.
[00:45:44] Mathew Boudreaux: Gone, and now it's over. It's like, I did it to myself again.
[00:45:48] Charna Cassell: And that's, and that piece of like, so just if anybody is listening out there and that's your experience, knowing it's possible for me using martial arts based practices in somatic work really helped me thaw out that freeze. It's like moving through something new. And so whatever the strategy is, but like, um, it's possible to thaw that freeze out and to discover the fight that lives underneath it.
[00:46:14] Charna Cassell: Right. Appreciate it. Um, and to have some other options as to how to respond, like, such as you have, which is, you get to have boundaries.
[00:46:22] Mathew Boudreaux: Have boundaries. No, it's like boundaries everywhere boundaries and I get to teach my daughter about boundaries and she understands them and the language of it and it's lovely and Wow, yeah, I'm glad I get to just know everything but things are on the internet So one day she will and that's cool because I'm not ashamed of anything But while she is such a powerful 10 almost 11 year old the best human I've ever met in my life and so grateful to be her guide on this journey because It's cool.
[00:46:50] Mathew Boudreaux: That's cool
[00:46:51] Charna Cassell: Yeah, I'm glad that you get to, uh, You know, you get to be a parent and do it really differently and that all this healing has happened so that you get to, you get to parent from a, it's, you know, because being a parent itself, it can, you can get so dysregulated and so triggered
[00:47:08] Mathew Boudreaux: oh yeah. Parenting is not easy. It's hard and I love it. I love it. And what I didn't know what happened is like each age she is, I heal from that part of my childhood. Oh yeah. Yeah. I get memories too, but, um, I didn't know that that would happen and it makes me even more protective of her. And I'm like, wow, that happened to me at that age.
[00:47:31] Mathew Boudreaux: No. Oh, to where it allowed me to see how horrible the things were that happened to me. And I was like, uh, there's no way, there's no way a ground, a grown man should have done that to someone that age. Wow.
[00:47:44] Mathew Boudreaux: You get
[00:47:44] Charna Cassell: a really different perspective, right? Cause you're like, You're like, wait, what? What was I thinking and doing at that age?
[00:47:50] Charna Cassell: And what did I expect this child to do to protect herself? No. Yep.
[00:47:55] Mathew Boudreaux: And then I'm enraged at the adults in my life that Allowed it to happen, that enabled it to happen, that instead of protecting me, looked the other way. Some were teachers, some were my mom, some were other friends of my parents, um, a principal at school once.
[00:48:12] Mathew Boudreaux: It's just wild how many people, instead of addressing it, looked the other way. And I'm like, wow, now we're on this planet to protect these little ones, not to pretend like it's not happening.
[00:48:22] Charna Cassell: Well, it's a really, it's a really different era.
[00:48:25] Mathew Boudreaux: Yeah, it is. I love this. I love this era. I love it.
[00:48:28] Charna Cassell: It's outrageous when I, when I look back and go like, wow, those were the standards. That was what was typical. Those were the conversations we were in. I'm curious if there's any, you shared a great list of, of, of things that help you regulate yourself. And I'm just wondering if there's, if there's any, practice in particular that you would like to highlight and walk our listeners through?
[00:48:51] Charna Cassell: And if not, that's totally fine.
[00:48:53] Mathew Boudreaux: No, I mean, honestly, it's the whole, I keep going back to the binaural music and the binaural beats and, and removing other senses and Getting in a dark room. Sometimes I'll go to my closet, but I have a couple playlists I should post like a playlist or something on my in my links, right?
[00:49:14] Mathew Boudreaux: I'll have that by the time this is out I'll do that cuz that's I know a lot of people that would love that and aren't even aware of it. But essentially what that is, is it's music that vacillates between the left ear and the right ear. And it goes, allegedly it goes between like the hemispheres of the brains, et cetera.
[00:49:30] Mathew Boudreaux: And so I just listen, it's calming, soothing music for the most part. Sometimes it's like chimes and sounds and that helps like regulate. And it just, gets me back to, like, center and presence whenever I'm either dissociated or dysregulated. And so that's the first thing that I'll do. Like, I had an experience at A work meeting, which started all of this, , after I had like an extended panic attack the first night when I was at the meeting, because I hadn't had one since before I went back to work, and I had like a 3 hour panic attack that I was going to have to go to the emergency room.
[00:50:03] Mathew Boudreaux: And then I was like, let me just use my strategies. I got through the meeting until the last moment when I started to dysregulate. It was like five minutes left and I had to leave and um, the first thing I did was put in my binaural music and listen to it and that in itself got, got me to good. But for the most part if I'm home and in a safe place and it happens and I'll put in my headphones, I'll go to a dark room or put on a blindfold, lay on the floor, And I'll just do some deep breathing and I'll like a count of four where it's
[00:50:33] Mathew Boudreaux: in through the nose,
[00:50:37] Mathew Boudreaux: out through the mouth. I'll do that until I regulate and that helps slow down my heart rate, it helps me get back into my body, it helps me find presence and calm, and then I can figure out whatever the trigger was to remove that trigger. Because I can't figure it out when I'm triggered what's triggering me that just I don't have that ability.
[00:50:58] Mathew Boudreaux: , so I need to get to a place of figuring it out and then once I can remove the trigger it helps. But that's the process for me really is removing some of the senses. Slowing things down by, by breathing, um, and it's concerted, like that's, that's really helpful. And , listening to the binaural EMDR stuff, that, all of that together is my go to when I need a quick fix, so that's, that's my main process.
[00:51:27] Charna Cassell: I'm so glad you have such a good recipe for yourself.
[00:51:30] Charna Cassell: , I wanted, I want to just say for the, so for our brains are so different, right? So, so binaural beats, , Work for you. And I know for me, actually, they were overly stimulating.
[00:51:41] Mathew Boudreaux: I get that.
[00:51:42] Charna Cassell: And I couldn't sleep and I would get Anxiety from them.
[00:51:47] Charna Cassell: Yep. So people's brains are really different. And so it's it's useful to try things see what works for you and Breathing right breathing is the most direct way to change our state And, um, so there's lots of different breath patterns and I will add, uh, a breathing practice that actually calms and contains the nervous system that can be used to even fall asleep at night.
[00:52:12] Charna Cassell: I love that. At the end of this episode. We, I can even guide you through it if you want me to, and otherwise I'll, I'll record it afterwards.
[00:52:18] Mathew Boudreaux: Yeah.
[00:52:19] Charna Cassell: Yeah. We can do it. Yeah. I want it. Cause that's
[00:52:21] Mathew Boudreaux: the thing. It's like, um, I've tried so many things, but. Yeah. Clearly this is not going away. And so I need as many tools to manage it because I would like to work.
[00:52:33] Mathew Boudreaux: I would like to not, I'm trying not to blame myself and I would like to have more solutions.
[00:52:39] Charna Cassell: The course that I am working on launching is specifically around regulation and how to, how to regulate your nervous system and, and how, so how to live a more, you know, passionate, fulfilling existence. and not self sabotage and not be as reactive. So, you know. I
[00:52:57] Mathew Boudreaux: love this. We were meant to meet.
[00:52:59] Mathew Boudreaux: We were meant to be in each other's world, honestly. Like, the universe is pretty powerful that way. I'm so grateful for you.
[00:53:05] Charna Cassell: It's good. It's interesting timing. As I was, you know, reflecting on what we might talk about today, I was like, oh, this is interesting. This could be helpful for you. If we would
[00:53:13] Mathew Boudreaux: have talked three weeks ago, this would have been a different conversation.
[00:53:15] Mathew Boudreaux: It's just, it would have been because I was doing nothing but thriving and then it's like, whoa. Roadblock. Got it. Cool.
[00:53:22] Charna Cassell: This piece though is super important. You said it right at the get go, which is that healing from, healing from anything, but like healing in general is not a linear process. And so if you think about a spiral, Right.
[00:53:36] Charna Cassell: We have all these resources. I mean, you could even go 10 years and then you hit the center and you're revisiting the exact same material. You have more resources to address it, but you're getting closer to the core of it. And the, the, with CPTSD, there's, there is, um, You know, I think of it like it lives in my, it's lived in my body as very hardened tissue.
[00:53:58] Charna Cassell: So I may look like supple, but then you can touch my physical body and you can feel the way that it lives in there. And I release little chunks even when I'm working out. And I just, I do like slow, repetitive movements to like work that tissue. So there's breath, there's. Meds. There's mindfulness and there's working your physical body.
[00:54:23] Charna Cassell: . I'm
[00:54:23] Mathew Boudreaux: going to get a massage right after this. Yeah. I do that once a week. I get massages and I let them get in hard 'cause there are places that it lives and I'm like, yeah, I need it out. I didn't realize that's what I was doing is that. I was like, okay, great.
[00:54:34] Charna Cassell: Right. There's a, so there's a wisdom.
[00:54:36] Charna Cassell: You've been guided to different things, right? Like working out or you said you started with your body before you Mm-Hmm. addressed the mind 'cause you didn't know how to, and it's even weightlifting. If you pause when you have that rapid heartbeat and you actually sit and allow whatever wants to arise and release to release.
[00:54:56] Charna Cassell: It can happen. Right? So you're, you're, you're totally doing it. How can people find you? Let's do, let's do that. Find me. I'm
[00:55:03] Mathew Boudreaux: Mx domestic on the internet everywhere.
[00:55:06] Mathew Boudreaux: And so mixes MX. Um, and then domestic. I'm formerly Mr., but I wanted my brand to be agendered whenever I came out, so it was more inclusive as opposed to a gendered experience, so I changed both at the same time. I'm on TikTok, I'm on Uh, Instagram, I'm on Facebook, I'm on YouTube. Those are my main four socials.
[00:55:29] Mathew Boudreaux: Over a million and a quarter followers total. It's crazy the size of the community. I have a website that I'm rejuvenating, a blog, and then I have an online shop if anyone wants to be like sewing notions or patterns or any of that. Um, like that's the core business, but yeah, find Mx Domestic, MX Domestic, anywhere you can find me, and then come join the community, because it's pretty rad.
[00:55:53] Charna Cassell: So awesome. I love it. I sent a friend who's like obsessed with crocheting. My friend who's cut my hair for 24 years.
[00:55:59] Mathew Boudreaux: It's gorgeous.
[00:56:00] Charna Cassell: Thank you. He's amazing. And so I just, I was excited to share you as a resource for him. Okay. So you can go ahead and extend your arms out in front of you. Okay. So I'm doing it high so that you can see, but you don't have to hold them up this high, just like chest level.
[00:56:17] Charna Cassell: Uh, then cross your arms so that your palms face one another this way, the other way. Yeah, there, clasp your hands. And then pull your hands through towards your chest, you can rest your hands, your crossed arms and palms that are clasped against your chest and go ahead and cross your ankles. So what this is, this is a brain chem hookup.
[00:56:41] Charna Cassell: And so what that does is it creates communication between the right and left hemispheres of the brain. So EMDR can actually be re triggering for some people, I know for me it was, it's like not done well, it can, it can be too stimulating. A brain chem hookup is a little more gentle, okay? And so then, take a big exhale and let the breath, you can just let the breath fall out your mouth
[00:57:12] Charna Cassell: and as you inhale, go ahead and close your mouth and you're slowly inhaling through your nose. Even more slowly than you think, fill your belly and your chest, full, full, full, all the way in. All the way in. And when you get to the top of the breath, purse your lips as if you're blowing sand through a straw.
[00:57:34] Charna Cassell: So look at me for a sec. And then you're just blowing as if you can control the grains of sand. You're painting a picture with this colored sand. You're creating a beautiful mandala and you're just controlling each grain. You're blowing out slowly till all the air is out. And at the end of the exhale, see if you can pause a couple beats.
[00:57:58] Charna Cassell: Before you slowly inhale through your nose again.
[00:58:07] Charna Cassell: Inhaling slowly, once you've gotten to the end of those couple beats. Filling your chest and belly,
[00:58:21] Charna Cassell: all the way in. And when you exhale, again, pursing your lips,
[00:58:33] Charna Cassell: controlling each grain of sand. And as you exhale, in the brain gym, crossing your arms like this also creates like an internal hug. You're exhaling slowly, slowly, slowly, and you can focus on the image that the sand is creating or the pursing of your lips or the feeling of your hands resting against your chest.
[00:58:59] Charna Cassell: And as you exhale completely, bringing in the next breath, slowly, slowly, slowly inhaling
[00:59:13] Charna Cassell: and slowly exhaling. You want to go slow, so slow is really key here, all the way out. It's like
[00:59:30] Charna Cassell: Pressing it out your belly, pausing at the end,
[00:59:40] Charna Cassell: and slowly inhaling in again.
[00:59:47] Charna Cassell: So it's a gentle, slow, feeling of breath in through your nose, and blowing,
[01:00:03] Charna Cassell: exhaling all the way out.
[01:00:08] Charna Cassell: And while it technically takes 20 minutes to reset the nervous system, you might notice that you already feel something different inside, having just done four breaths. We can pause. You can keep doing this. I'm going to check in with Matthew. How are you doing right now?
[01:00:27] Mathew Boudreaux: Whoa.
[01:00:29] Charna Cassell: What's that?
[01:00:30] Mathew Boudreaux: That was amazing.
[01:00:32] Mathew Boudreaux: Wow.
[01:00:33] Charna Cassell: Yeah. How do you feel?
[01:00:35] Mathew Boudreaux: Um,
[01:00:39] Mathew Boudreaux: calmer. Um, there were so many sensations I was experiencing at the same time. It was, yeah, it was lovely. It was, Whoa, it, um, it's like it brought peace. It quieted the noise. It, um, it slowed everything down.
[01:01:06] Charna Cassell: Yeah. Can you hear your own voice right now?
[01:01:08] Mathew Boudreaux: Yeah. Um, yeah. Wow. Thank you for the gift of that.
[01:01:15] Charna Cassell: Absolutely.
[01:01:16] Mathew Boudreaux: y'all do that.
[01:01:22] Mathew Boudreaux: That there was so much power in that.
[01:01:24] Charna Cassell: That's excellent. Yeah. I'm so glad you have all the tools that you do. And you'll just, and it's exciting because it's a good time to be alive regarding tools.
[01:01:32] Charna Cassell: Like there's a lot out
[01:01:33] Mathew Boudreaux: there,
[01:01:34] Charna Cassell: so much
[01:01:34] Mathew Boudreaux: conversation, so many tools. Having the right team is great. Having people like you in my life, um, to help and share and to inspire and, and, um, show other people how to do all of this stuff. And I'm glad that I got to, to be vulnerable and share this with you and with your community because through my sharing, I can help people.
[01:01:55] Mathew Boudreaux: I've learned. I didn't realize it until. I started talking to people in the real world, the impact and sewing and crafting that I'm making with all of these things. I didn't know. So I'm going to keep talking and keep being invulnerable.
[01:02:06] Charna Cassell: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, for me, art was a massive making things like crochet.
[01:02:12] Charna Cassell: I was a crocheter. I'd make bags and stuff like that and hats and sculpt and collage and making stuff was absolutely how I went into alpha brainwave states, which is, you pre meditation, that was how I would calm my nervous system. That's what I was doing. I didn't realize I was doing
[01:02:31] Mathew Boudreaux: that. Like there are certain, that's why it's like, I don't care what the end result of anything that I do is.
[01:02:36] Mathew Boudreaux: I never have. It's always been about the journey and I gravitate towards things that would get me in like a meditative state, that would get me into presence. It would be repetitive. It would just be certain things like straight line quilting, finding a crochet stitch. I can just do over and over again, hand sewing, the whip stitch.
[01:02:52] Mathew Boudreaux: I didn't realize I was finding ways to help treat all of this other stuff that I was dealing with before I knew I was dealing with it. So yeah, I encourage everyone, come craft and sew and make stuff with us. It's amazing.
[01:03:05] Charna Cassell: Love it. I wish you live closer. We could have a little crafting circle. I
[01:03:08] Mathew Boudreaux: know. I know.
[01:03:10] Mathew Boudreaux: Well, if you ever come to the Pacific Northwest, then let's, let's hang.
[01:03:13] Charna Cassell: It's
[01:03:13] Mathew Boudreaux: beautiful. It's beautiful here. There's nice people.
[01:03:16] Charna Cassell: So it is so pretty. Yeah. So good to see you again.
[01:03:20] Mathew Boudreaux: Nice to see you. Thanks for inviting me again. I'm glad we got to have this chat.
[01:03:23] Charna Cassell: Thank you for joining us. If you appreciated this episode, please like, rate, review, and share it with your friends. I'd really appreciate that. And if you'd like to stay connected, you can find me on Facebook and Instagram at Laid Open Podcast. That's L A I D O P E N P O D C A S T. All one word, as well as if you go to charnacacell.
[01:03:47] Charna Cassell: com, you can join my newsletter where you can get information about upcoming courses, as well as discounts and resources that I share in my newsletter. And if you go to passionatelife. org, you can get more information about my private practice and the kind of work that I do. This has been Laid Open Podcast with your host, Charna Cassell.
[01:04:09] Charna Cassell: We all have different capacities, but I believe in our capacity to grow and change together. Until next time.
