Cumming As You Are with Sexpert Susan Bratton

Welcome back to lead up in podcasts and I'm your host Charna caselle. During my hiatus from recording this podcast, I've been building an online course on how to live that passionate, pleasure filled, peaceful life you want reduce self sabotaging behavior, and gain control over your nervous system. Creating courses for people around the world to understand the impact of trauma on their bodies and relationships, and how they can heal is something I've wanted to do for over a decade. And I'm thrilled it's finally happening. I'll keep you posted as to when it's launching. And for now, you can also sign up for my newsletter, read my blog, or send questions to be answered at Sharna caselle.com. Today's guest is a trusted intimacy adviser to millions and sexual wellness expert Susan Bratton as the co founder of both personal life media and the 20 She's an authority in bedroom techniques and communication skills as well as inorganic supplements and non invasive treatments that improve vitality for both men and women. welcome Susan so happy to have you here. Third time's a charm first it was my shitty internet, then it was your blowers and yard people and construction. And today here we are finally with high speed internet connections and smiles for each other. Yes, I've never felt so connected. It's like the date the date that finally happened. I knew when we were so I was so excited to talk to you that first day because I had just listened to your segment about sex cults and one taste and the one taste documentary. And it was so excited to tell you the other side of that, which is that I've had a 20 year expanded orgasm practice. It was one of the things that led me to have a second career as a sexpert as an author of 44 books and programs on passionate lovemaking. And, you know, I wanted to tell you the good side of that practice because it did it. It's so fabulous that it can be used as a weapon. Well, you talked about Yeah, truly. And I also I mean, I am. I'm thrilled to have this conversation as well, because I also think it's an excellent practice. Yeah. And I'm also really excited to find someone who isn't using it as a weapon and who, who's who's really revolutionized their life and created so much intimacy in their partnership, and changed a story of thinking they were broken, you know, and I, that's what I want for people. And so I'm really happy to know that you're out there, you're in Northern California where a lot of my clients are, and I already know some people who I will send your way. You know, and I think I think your story is really inspirational. And I love how it defies this notion that as we age, we become sexless or disinterested or dry up, or all the negative stereotypes about older women. And you know, like what your vibrant life can look like as you enter this next phase of living. So yeah, let's dive in. Before we got on our segment, I was lying under the covers my bedroom thinking to myself, Oh, I just need to I need to warm up a little. It's chilly here in Mill Valley today. And I think it's probably chilly over in the East Bay to where you are. And I was thinking to myself, Oh, you know, tonight, I'm going to just snuggle in bed and I'm going to watch some TV and I'm going to masturbate, and I'm going to have a glass of wine and I'm just going to chill because I'm all alone in the house tonight, which I love once in a while. Yeah, so nice. And then you were like, Whoa, what are you gonna use? And I was like, Oh, I have this new vibrator. Do you want me to go get it and show you and you're like, Yeah, I do. And it was funny because while I was lying in bed under the covers, what I was doing was smoothing a little bit of the skin on my arms on these new photos from a new photoshoot. I did that I'm going to load up on my only fans and I'm 61 and I just did a nude photo shoot that out great. And I'm really glad I live in the age of filters because I mean, I'm not going to post imperfect pictures I'm going to I'm going to fix that little bit of wrinkly skin on my arms that I got from COVID From damned COVID I had a horrible long call COVID bout, but I want to stand for ageless sexuality. I want to stand for women in their 60s, being beautiful. Martha Stewart on the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition at 85. Off health. Yeah, and one of the things about the expanded orgasm practice that, you know, one taste taught in their own way. But that I I have been teaching through my mentor Dr. Patty Taylor for two decades, is that you can have better and better and better orgasms your whole life. They just keep getting better You be you become more orgasmic. And the expanded orgasm practice is something you can do. For the rest of your life. I don't think I'll ever not be doing this with my husband or any of my partners. Because it's simply a learned skill. This clitoral stroking technique is a learned skill that anyone can do with any one with a clitoris. So I'm going to hopefully be talking to you in 2025 years on your podcast, you'll be in your 1000 million episode. And we'll be talking about our 45 Your expanded orgasm practice. I love it. Yeah. By then I'm so curious, like, what will what will technology be? What will be the way that we disseminate information to one another? And what will we have evolved to but but yes, I love it. And so why don't you because you know, we know what an expanded orgasm practice is. And there are going to be people who've listened to this that have not that don't know about one taste that don't know about stroking or oming. And how about you start with what it is, the story has to begin in the East Bay, where you are with Victor and Susie Bronco in the 1970s, who were a couple and and she was an orgasm, and they really wanted to get to the bottom of why this was happening. And they developed a clitoral stroking technique that worked so well that they taught their friends and then their friends talk to their friends about it. And then they established this community of people who practice this technique together in a group home. And so they lived in community, they had this practice and they were trying to see what the upper upper realms of female orgasm could be. And the practice is basically a five stroke technique and the there's the three opening strokes, the bread and butter stroke and the closing stroke. And like any form, such as martial arts or yoga, or other things that use our bodies operating system, there's a particular process to the practice, whether we're talking about the Asana is of yoga or whatever they are in jujitsu and Kung Fu, I don't know. There's a way to do things that creates an effect. That's a profound effect. And in this particular case, Victor and Susie's technique, which has been called many things by many people because there's been many descendants of the moor house which is what they called it, they had more University, it was in Lafayette, California and people would come to more University and take these classes and learn this stroke and do these group experiences and you have to follow the form to get the effect but once you learn and have the effect you can then do lots of other things in the container of having this expanded orgasm practice. Expanded orgasm is what my mentor Dr. Patty Taylor part of the more University lineage created because she felt that the practice didn't have enough heart connection and it wasn't necessarily created for partners lovers long term partners it was a practice because it was in it in a sex cult more University was also effects called for all intents and purposes it was more transactional which was what one taste ended up being called. They don't was a disciple of this practice. It's been called extended orgasm expanded orgasm. Deliberate orgasm that's what they called it deliberate orgasm do or doing you would do someone that's the stroke that more created there's the Venus butterfly. I method I mean, everybody's put their flavors together orgasmic meditation being the one that Nicole they don't did as as she came out of that community as well. And my mentor, Dr. Patty Taylor felt felt that too many of the people had created a practice that was transactional. You lie down for 15 minutes, you butterfly, your legs open, you do these strokes, you're done, you towel off. And that's it. And what I wanted to create with Dr. Patty was a practice for husbands and wives. Basically, that's it now, anybody can do the techniques that we teach. We teach it on video, it's an online program, we've taught 1000s of people to do it, we don't hold classes, you just you pay $97, you get a series of videos, you get some ebooks, you get some audios, and you just learn the strokes and you start doing them. And we teach you a bunch of techniques to get better and better at this practice. But we want it to be something that had more of a tantric conscious heart connected experience less transactional and more loving and connected. And so that's our flavor of this practice this expanded orgasm practice. And really all it is, and my husband and I have been doing it for years and years, and my other partners have learned it too. And they're great at it as well. And it's something that I essentially use to get myself out of my mind and into my body. And to begin my very slow process of arousal, my totally normal typical female, very slow process of arousal. I need to have some nice Yoni massaging and some nice stroking and easy graceful pleasuring of my clitoral structure. Before I can even be thinking about doing anything else. during lovemaking, it's just Just what I need to kind of move myself into my turn on space. So that's essentially what it is. It's a practice that many people have taught my particular flavors. For couples, it's a simple stroking technique that actually takes probably 10 to 20 tries to start to really get the feel for it's not an easy practice, but it's not a hard practice. It's very similar, I would say to learning for men learning to become multi orgasmic men who don't necessarily need to evacuate to have an orgasm. They can learn to ejaculate when they want to, but they can have many orgasms before they ejaculate. It's kind of along the same lines as that maybe also as well. Similar to learning how to do female ejaculation where you kind of have to awaken and warm up the g spot and and over time you start to feel some fluid building and then a little fluid comes out and then pretty soon 15 or 20 times after you've done this, you know G Spot pleasuring practice, you start to be able to allow your feminine waters to release you know, it's, it's in that in that way, I think honestly Charna most people think that they're supposed to know what to do and sex like just because you can make a baby think you're good in bed. And really a lot of the best techniques which is what I kind of have specialized in my publishing company are these kind of advanced lovers orgasmic practices like female ejaculation, expanded orgasm and male Multiple Orgasm I'd say those are three core techniques that we've been teaching people for literally decades. Now. They're there that higher level there for the people who are like, Okay, what's next? Where can I go with all this. And so that's that's my expanded orgasm is but but it really helps me finally become orgasmic with intercourse, it helps me learn my, that female arousal ism is a slow process, it needs the pump primed, you know, it taught me how to connect at a very deep level with my partners. So there's some really incredible experiences around expanded orgasm or whatever you want to call it. oming doing e o, et cetera. Well, the other thing that it really sounds like that is so essential is that it's helped you get very clear whether it's, you're with a partner by yourself, what you need and what you want, right? You clearly you in one of your videos, you know you as you're talking about this, you say something about like you believed you were broken, and you're on the verge of separating from your husband and you were not orgasmic with him. So, what I think is so important is that everyone may be starting may have a different starting point and may have a different ability to feel themselves some people may start out in the more numb state and other people may may start out like feeling everything and they may take to this very quickly, but that to not have a certain expectation or like this is what it So, it's gonna be like for everybody. Yeah, one of the things that Dr. Patty did for me was she broke, learning the practice down into 21 Erotic play dates. And each of these erotic play dates is a little, a little technique, but a lot of them came from more. And you know, like finding her spot and start stop and sharing frames. And all these different practices are done. If you look at expanded orgasm, like a like a, like a sphere, then each there, there are these 21 facets to that sphere, that diamond, if you will. And what she did was she broke each one of those 21 facets into a little learning experience you could do on a weeknight together, so that as a couple, you could both immediately learn the strokes and start practicing the strokes. But you could also learn all these other components that made you really good lovers together. That's what I think I liked most about our particular flavor of the expanded orgasm practice is that we go way beyond just teaching the five strokes, way beyond that, to really getting a couple to be just excellent in bed together. And and would you say that those 21 steps are teaching attunement. They're teaching all different kinds of things. They're teaching felt sense. They're teaching limbic connection, they're teaching peeking, parasympathetic, sympathetic nervous system stimulation. So there's body practices, there's communication practices, there's all kinds of things in there. I mean, by the time you do all 21 of those practices together, you have become just incredible lovers together, you know that you're, you're in a level of connection. The goal lift, if you will, and a lot of people are like, you shouldn't have Goldman Sachs. And I'm like, bullshit, I got tons of goals. I got a sex like bucket list, I got all kinds of things I want to do. I'm learning new things. I'm golden goals galore in my sex life. I disagree with not having goals, maybe not trying to make someone else do things. But yeah, you know how? Well I mean, that's yeah, that's a really important distinction. Because I think that some people, it's an interesting thing, you know, I worked at Good Vibrations for years, and great when there would be and I'll specifically speak to heterosexual dynamics. When a guy it's like, great if you want to go down on someone or great if you want to, you know, manually stimulate someone's soul she's bought, but if the thing is, like, the experiences, if you come all know, I'm a good lover, like, there's an experience of pressure, yeah, that that person is experiencing rather than a being present and connected together in in the moment and a listening, that's what I like about the stroking practice, right? It's like a, like, the person who is stroking the, the, the person's clitoris is a is a conductor and a listener of energy, like bringing it up, bringing it down, you know, building, building, building, expanding, just like the swell of an orchestra, right? Yeah, well said. And the thing that I like about it as well is that the two of you, when you connect really well in that, that feeling each other, which we call touching for rapture, that's one of the techniques that you learn is not to touch for a fact, I'm not going to touch you and make you come, the combs are in you, I'm, you're just have to allow them to come out. I'm going to touch you for my pleasure. And that's gonna create your pleasure. And I feel you feeling when you feel me feeling you, you create that limbic connection. Once you get that established, then you can find this ever moving spot the spots, always in a different place, there is no spot, the spots a moving target, but you can chase and find the spots on a woman's vulva during the practice that are particularly excellent for her in that moment, and then you can apply more pleasure to those to wherever is feeling good, and take her higher and higher. But the two of you can be in this, what I like to call a conjoined trance state of pleasure of ecstasy of bliss, that you can get so high in that connection, that you can actually feel your connection to all of source to die it to God to spirit, whatever word you want to use. And that's why I think the cold called it orgasmic meditation because it's very much a meditative practice where two people were a couple drops into a conjoined trance state that can touch source, its bliss. And whether you're the one delivering the sensation or receiving the sensation, it's circular or, and it is ecstasy. And that's just incredible. This is why you can start a cult with the technique because it is that it gives people these pearls back home and experiences. Yeah. So before I, I started having sex with men, I dated women. And I didn't start to be with men until my late 20s. Okay, and and so I can remember manually stimulating a woman. Yeah. And feeling and it was a remarkable thing. I was like in my early 20s, right, but feeling their sensation what I was doing to this person, I could then feel in my own body. Oh, yeah. Right. And having that level of like, your your systems are tied in and like you're talking about that resonance, whether it's in your heart or just like your whole energy field resonating together. And that listening is one of the things it's like such this beautiful, nuanced, energetic tie. And kind of back to the piece you were saying about. If I'm feeling pleasure, like I'm taking pleasure in creating pleasure, right? Not in, not in being like, I am so powerful. I can make you come or control you. Yeah. But I'm listening and I'm delighting in your pleasure. And then what happens for the person who's received that, you know, their system opens and they can feel my energy system. It amplifies their pleasure. Do you since your familiarity with both? Let's just call it the Yoni and the lingam. So the Yoni being the woman's urogenital system, and the lingam being the male urogenital system. Yeah, I personally find it easier to come when at the same time, I'm delivering pleasure to a Yoni more. So like, I'll come in my own body, when I'm making a woman come, versus when I'm stroking a man with my hand. And I'm not talking only manually here. stroking a man's penis of my hand. I don't have as much sensation back in my own body. Is that just me? Or do you find that too? I don't find that. I think it's so particular. I mean, what I'm really aware of is it's so person by person for me. Yeah, I could find someone incredibly handsome and sexy. And if they have a closed down energy system, I just can't. I don't. I don't feel turned on. I don't feel that. Right. Yeah. And so it's really about how open and connected are, are to systems because I can absolutely. You know, I like to watch. You're blushing. That's so cute. Like, I'm just feeling well, I can No, I'm making just talking about it. Right? You have the memories that this is an important thing to remember everybody, right? Like a positive pleasurable experience, whether it's digging your toes in the sand or stroking somebody, like the sensations can flood your body when you remember them. And you know, I'm post breakup. And so it's been a minute for me, and it's like, oh, God, you're making me Miss sex. Oh, good. Good. Fantastic. I'm gonna get that girl back on the horse. I know. Well, I think there's something for me in stroking a clip that makes me calm in my own body at the same time, like, last year, my one of my girlfriends had she wanted to have an ecstatic home birth. And she asked me if I'd be ecstatic birth partner and I said, what is that? And she said, I don't know. Let's make it up. And I'm like, Cool. Let's do it. Amazing. That sounds awesome. And I gave her Yoni massages throughout her pregnancy right up till the night before she had the baby. We were trying to get her dilated. I mean, it was you know, pretty incredible breasts, belly Yoni, etc. Two things that came out of that for me. One was that I was coming as much as she was coming from delivering the strokes to her. And I hadn't had a lot of experience giving women expanded orgasm dates, I received 20 years worth of them, you know, a lot of a lot more of them than I've given. And yet, I was coming really well, giving her those expanded orgasm strokes, and I loved doing it. It was such a turn on. And the interesting thing about it too, was that I've been really exploring orgasm for 20 years. So Dr. met Dr. Patty Taylor, one of my main mentors, I've published her work, expand her orgasm snide seduce her tonight, the seduction trilogy, a lot, a lot of really incredible seminal work because I run a publisher and company. And one of the things that I learned very early on was to really let myself get into massively ecstatic orgasm states because at first I was afraid to let go into them. And I would call her and say, Well, what's gonna happen? Will I come back from this? Will it change me? Will I be able to get any work done for the rest of my life? And she was like, yes, you can go there, it might take you a day or two to come back, but it's fine, you should go. And she really taught me how to be something I've called myself ever since since which is an orgasm and not going to the farthest reaches of what I consider to be orgasmic outer space experiencing all the Gazans by my count. Now, the human body can have 20 kinds of orgasm and the 20th one is called wildcard because I'm still discovering paths to orgasm. Expanded or government is a path to orgasm clitoral stroking is one cervical is one there's locations you can touch in the body nipple gasm, through orgasms, etc. There are techniques like male Multiple Orgasm, expanded orgasm female ejaculation, erotic hypnosis. And then there are tools of desire, I brought a new vibrator to tell you about and I want to I'll talk to you about that you were interested. And when I started having throat chasms that from going down on a penis from orally pleasuring a penis, I was really focused in that time of my life that was probably like my late 40s, mid mid to late 40s. And one of the things that I was really doing was I was opening up the hollow flute, I was not only feeling in my Yoni and feeling the orgasms in my throat and mouth, but I was connecting the dots up and down my body. And even to this day, a lot of times when I am coming from delivering pleasure or even receiving pleasure, but the organism started my throat. before they even start in my Yoni, they start in my throat like what I'm stroking her. I'm coming higher up here in my throat and in my heart in my chest and my mouth and my neck, before it starts to kind of migrate south and lubricate everything and get everything open. You know, it's a sphincter system and Orion's together. Same tissue. Yeah, exactly. But I just think that that's so interesting to the you know, when I was coming her that, that what I was really feeling was a lot of it up here in my heart and my throat chakra, or whatever you want to call it. You have said so much. Oh, like, no, no, I love I'm like, there's so much there. First, like the first thing I thought was, oh my god, you need to start a doula service. Like, how incredible would that be? If it inspires you, like, you know, referring women who are pregnant to have this kind of support would be so radical and awesome. So Bay area, we can just do it for each other. You know, we don't even need doulas girlfriends can just do it for each other. I'm sure women throughout history, we're doing this for each other until we were shut down by religion. So well. You know what, you just pick it back up again. I know. So you mean I don't have to get pregnant for for you to come in. No kidding. No, no, no, no. Well, what what I will tell you though, is I did hear and I don't I can't ground this beyond this one woman. Yeah. But there was a woman that I met, you know, 15 years ago who was part of the cult of ISIS. Oh, yeah. It was like, what I understood was it preceded Moor house and that somebody who was in that brought it to moor house, and that it used to be a practice that it was just, you know, just when they were practicing this, so I don't know the same thing. Okay. I don't know if it's true or not. victron says your long dead. There are I know quite a few people who are still around who were part of more, I could ask them like a call patty. I could call Dr. Patty. She's certainly still around. Well, so it What's interesting, though, it's so tricky, because when people have drunk the Kool Aid of being part of a particular community, I don't it you know, how reliable are they in, in, in discussing history from before they perhaps were, you know, but who knows, doesn't it ultimately, it's a tool. And it's a it's a practice to help you connect to yourself to help you connect to another person to expand your consciousness. And that's a piece that I also I've had, yes, such profound, like, kind of intergalactic, so to speak, transcendent experiences. So I know that to be true. And yes, and and it's really, I mean, I think years ago, I was in a Cymatics training with my teacher Richard Strozzi, Heckler and Somebody asked a question about boundlessness or boundary lessness. And at the time, I was still healing from sexual trauma. And so for, for me, developing boundaries was where I was at. And so boundlessness was not something that I was comfortable yet with. And I was like, so I asked him, you know, raise my hand and I'm like, Don't you have to have boundaries before you can dissolve your boundaries. And he kind of chuckled and he was like, Yeah, and so what you're speaking to is this ability to surrender and let go and allow and dissolve, almost like an ego death, you know, like, you just become pixelated energy with everything else. And for some people, that can be terrifying. Yeah. And so it's, again, it's like that, in itself could be the path to healing for one person. But it could also be need to come a little later, when you are just learning how to tolerate sensation for another person. Yes, it's interesting. I was recently talking to a girlfriend of mine, who, she's an MD, and she's in her 40s. And she's never had an orgasm. Except for in her mind, she can, she can think herself off through a series of very specific fantasies. But the vibrator that I brought to show you today is what I told her to get. Because I was like, girl, you gotta start touching your clit you're not at work. That's absurd, unless you touch your gloves. I mean, it's great that you have things off. But how's how's that elaborate fantasy going? When you're with a partner, like she's never had an orgasm with a partner. And I was like, Maybe you should learn a second path to orgasm. So another one of my mentors is Sherry Winston, she wrote a seminal book women's anatomy of arousal. And she's written quite a few really good books. And she's taught me so much about female anatomy. And one of her strategies is something she called her gasmate cross training, you get one thing going and you spin it up. And then you add in other stimulation that helps you cross over into a new way to come. So that you activate all of these different pathways to orgasm, so you can have all 20 kinds of orgasms. And I have recently introduced and I'm writing a book on this right now something called an orgasmic cross training, using sex tools and toys to stimulate and activate all the different parts of the Yoni and then I'll do the leg up for men as well. male bodies, people, penis owners, and I really love this idea of we have so much good sex tech now. And I really love this idea of using the different tools on the different parts of our vulva to in gorge them, because we women, we've had sex pretty much our whole lives without any decent erections. Because we're so slow to get our erectile function compared to our male body partners who, you know, they're they've got a hard on it two minutes, we've got a hard on it 20 or 30. By that time, sex is usually over. They're already having a sandwich and we're like a, I could take it or leave it. And so just getting women to feel good about the fact that there's not a damn thing wrong with us. This is how long it takes. And this whole notion of foreplay, and sand sacks quote, unquote, is bullshit. It's all stacks. Right? Right that yeah, we need a lot of time. And so let's use these tools to activate all these areas get more mind body connection, create new neural pathways by using liquors and thrusters and air stimulators, and Paul Seders and G Spot ones and you know, all of the different kinds of tools that there are so that's one of the things that I'm writing about right now that I am writing that and I'm writing orgasmic intercourse and I just finished my first of the three books that I kind of had in me that I'm been getting out lately and that is the I wrote the quiet vibe guide because I am a highly sensitive person and I don't like loud things and I think a lot of people who are very able to surrender to their pleasure are very sensitive people and people who are drawn to expanded orgasm practice are very sensitive people the stroke is as light as a you know a butterfly wing I think that's one of the things that was called at one point was the you know, the butterfly something because it's so light so yeah, the quiet vibes are really really an important part of things if you if you live with roommates or you have kids or you know you just have thin walls you don't want everyone know when you're using toys or you're like me and you're just are really sensitive. And so that's something that I've put together and that's gradually the massager that I brought to show you today is is one of the it's a quiet vibe award winner who awesome why don't why don't you when you show me and tell us a little bit about it. When I worked at Good Vibrations I also I liked quiet like the Hitachi was just so intense and so loud and you know covered so much Your area. Yeah, but I did like a strong electric like to have the option of that versus that, you know, like a very soft, buzzy thing. You're right. Well, you're gonna be happy. Yeah, there's a new wand and in town that had got mom's massager and throw it away because the VIM is here. So I love this one. This is one of my favorite companies Fun Factory. And this particular thing is the new one. It's half the noise of those old Atari cheese. It's beautifully weighted, you can you can come yourself for hours, without an E and the D. It's got this beautiful sculptural silicone, that is easy to hold on to with lubi hands, and it holds the lube on the head in these little channels. So you don't have to keep reapplying. And it's one but that turns it on, which I really appreciate. Easy to find. Well lit says the word fun on it. And it has I think it's five speeds and eight patterns. I don't exactly remember stuff like that. It doesn't matter to me for hours with it. But I was thinking about that a dog's Yeah. And Caitlin, what's Caitlin's name, last name God. You know, I mean, that is no Yeah, no, I know. I'm totally I'm totally blanking. I feel like I was just thinking about aging and vibrators and like holding and you know, if someone has arthritis, it sounds like it's a great, yeah, vibrator. And anyway, so then aging and then trying to remember names. It's a joke. Like, well, Betty Dodson was really legendary for teaching women how to have expanded orgasms using the magic wand. That was her thing. And essentially, you know, a regular orgasm is like a male orgasm, the way guys come, you climb your climax, you're done. multiple orgasms would be more of those. Extended orgasms are like Oh, I'm going to take that moment of climax. And I'm going to, I'm going to draw it out, I'm going to last longer, I'm going to come longer in the climax zone. But expanded orgasms are like wanton, they're like, you start out you have an orgasm, then you have a longer one. And it's more intense than an even longer one. And it's more intense than an even longer one. And it's more intense and an even longer one. And it's more intense. They're like a stalking, expanding kind of an orgasm. And Betty really taught that using wands where she would essentially you would just kind of get that wand on your Yoni and find the spot of the day and you would just start coming and you would keep coming. You would just keep coming. And that is a really good practice because it can it orgasmically cross trains you for intercourse, orgasms, it's one of the things that really helps you come from intercourse even without using any any external clitoral stimuli just from a penis and a vagina and everybody can do it. It's just a learned skill. You're not broken. Don't give up. If you're thinking oh, no, I've never come from just to having a pin. I always need to have something else or I'll never realize that this mindset bullshit, let it go trust us, right. And so yeah, there are people out there that would say either well, I need the person's size to fit well enough to hit my G spot or I need our bodies to you know, maybe they need to be short enough so that our bodies Rob and stimulate my clitoris and you're saying me and mind over matter. Mind Over. I'm saying that. Lots and lots of penis sizes. work inside vaginas. And when you are turned on and you want that penis inside you and you they don't even have to do anything you can you could just get yourself off on a penis this big. I mean you really can. You don't have to have a giant one it doesn't have to be super thick that it is possible to have very satisfying sex with a mediocre sized penis. Now that being said, I don't know if you know this about me Sure. I know you probably don't but I'm kind of like the queen of penis enlargement one of the this like jam that I got into at one point was realizing the vacuum erection devices or penis pumps actually do work to enlarge penises and now I've literally helped 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of men get 20 25% bigger by just using a pump. So a guy who's five can be six a guy was six can be seven, they can be thicker girth here, they can straighten some curves, they can, they can just have more blood flow harder erections more orgasmic intensity from a vacuum erection device. Oh, I just wanted to ask you so, because it's been close to 20 years since, you know, like I remember selling, those are good vibrations, and there were certain problems that would come with that. And so maybe they've improved them in the last 20 years. Oh, yeah. So so they don't like, loosen the skin on on penises and like, you know, so. So I'd be curious to hear a little more about that in terms of like, if there are things that people need to watch out for in terms of how much they use them. But also, yeah, yeah, exactly. One of the things that guys tend to do is they tend to over pump, they're like, let me just pump it up to a level level 11 Day one, because I can take it I don't mind a little pain, because I want to have the biggest jacked dick I possibly can as fast as I can. And then they pull the skin, it gets loose, or they give themselves a bruise or what have you. And then they have injured themselves. And oftentimes, they're using pumps that don't have a quick release, they don't have a decent pressure gauge, they have the wrong size cylinder. They don't know what the protocols are. And so I wrote a book called pumping God, it's pumping god.com. It's a download. It's free. For anybody who's listening who wants to have a bigger penis or wants to have their partner do it. It's really fun. As a matter of fact, just today, my boyfriend sent me pictures, I called him up to ask him something. And he was like, hey, guess what I'm doing. And he puts the phone down there. They just got his penis pump on. And I'm like, that's fantastic. Good for you send me pictures later, I love to see the pictures of it. And it's just something that men really, really enjoyed doing. And it makes them thicker and harder and firmer, and they come better. But they have to use a good tool, the right tool, because there's a lot of novelty items that don't have they're the wrong size. They don't have the gauge the right yeah, there's like a million things wrong with them. They're just junk. They're toys. They're the crap. So you have to have a good pump, but a good pump, it costs less than 200 bucks. I mean, and it's like all women want to be richer and thinner, and all men want to have a bigger dick. So 200 bucks is really within the affordable range for almost all men. And it's really good for them in the long term because it reverses atrophy. And it prevents Edie It can even reverse mild Ed and get their erections really working well again. And in all honesty, a lot of guys in their 40s and 50s. They think they're hard, but it's not the heart it used to be. And a nice, firm penis is a gift. So for anyone out there who's like, oh, this sounds like something I should explore. You can go to pumping guide.com I have all the particulars in there with the protocols and everything. And there's also something else that you that femme wave and anyway, even Gaines wave. Yeah, yeah, I literally just got a Femi wave last Monday, it's been just about eight days, I guess. Femi wave it and Gaines wave are acoustic wave technology that is used externally on the genital system to stimulate new tissue growth, to get the plaque off of all of the nerves to stimulate more capillary actions so that you get more blood flow into your genitals because, you know, you know, I wish I had $1 for every woman who said, I have low libido, it's my hormone hormones, when in reality, it's lack of blood flow. It's lack of proper arousal, and in gorge mint and shitty sacks. It's Yes, sex. It's not a loss of estrogen. It's shitty sacks. I mean, yes. At loss of estrogen will thin your vaginal mucosal lining. Yes, it you do atrophy with age and estrogen, loss of estrogen accelerates that. So this is why you do things like the Femi wave to reverse the atrophy, and to generate the new tissue volume, so you're getting lots of blood flow in there, but in most of it is just not enough good arousal and pleasuring and and gorgeous moment and then it doesn't feel good, and we don't want it anymore. Not me and a lot of it well. You know, I mean, what you're speaking to is also in the in a bigger cultural context of Yes, should he sex but there's, if you don't have the mind body connection, if you're if you've been shamed by religion, or your culture, oh, God, no, not not deserving, not expecting not knowing if you've had what let's say, I mean, there are people that one partner their whole lives, and that's what they think sex is. I can't tell you how many people I know who've been married and are just like, I just don't have a libido. I just don't like sex and then they get divorced. And they're like, Oh, my God, I love sex, because they're having it with it. For one person that they connect with in a different way or their parts fit differently, or they have different skill levels and so you know, energy follows attention and intention. So if you're putting if you're simply breathing, and putting your attention on your vulva and exhaling, I teach clients to do what I call either Volvic breathing or breathing out, they're assholes. And, you know, you can heal hemorrhoids, you can bring instant turn on, but you have to be able to be in your body and feel yourself first. Right. So, I'm really curious, you know, especially as I get into my late 40s, I'm very curious about the process of menopause and, and guiding more as my clients also get older, you know, in concerns with et as well as that, you know, what they call an atrophying vagina is such an unfortunate term, but it doesn't have to be that way. Right? And you're speaking to that. So, yeah, there are I call it sexual regenerative therapies and treatments. So February for her gains weight for him penis pumps for him. I like something called the vagina device vehicle vagina device that uses red light therapy for her. And just, I swear, just masturbating with something like this vim wand a couple of times a week will get so much more engagement and blood flow to your vulva so you don't atrophy. Oh, and PRP. Although, you know, a long time ago, maybe like five years. I didn't have Femi wave to recommend and Gaines waves recommend. I had to send women to go to get co2 lasering in their vaginas when they were starting to atrophy and I hated it because it was so damaging before it healed and, and it was better after heal. But it was It wasn't anything like how easy it is on you to get Femi wave now, which just stimulates new tissue growth. I mean, you feel it like day one, I was a little numb. Day two. It was a little everything was little sensitive and then kind of inflamed. Day three, it was inflamed but receding. Day four, I was having incredible clitoral sensation and labile sensation. And it's really improved my orgasm and improved my blood flow within a week. And you go and you have six sessions of Femi waive the lubrication that you get, I am more lubricated than I have ever been even in my 20s and 30s. I was not this lubricated. It's just insane how great it is to have a really juicy Yoni and it is it some kind of light or it's internal out externally. They do it all externally. But it goes it penetrates into the body kind of like this one vibration, and then the the hatachi where the Hitachi was kind of like even though it was a big, it was a heavy rumble. It would do like the skin. This they figured out these German engineers with the VIM they figured out how to penetrate into your vulnerable tissue into the clitoral perineal and urethral. erectile tissue structures. And that's exactly what the Femi wave does with shockwave therapy. It's called shock wave. It's a great stick wave that travels into the body and stimulates new tissue growth to reverse atrophy, to reverse and continents to help with vaginal laxity to tighten everything up. Lubrication comes back orgasmic intensity comes back. And one of the things I liked the best about Femi wave is because I put my pictures with my vulva on my only fans, people get to see my vulva. I use it for teaching. You know, here's all the parts and they're labeled and I show like one of the things I'm about to put up is before a Yoni massage and after a Yoni massage, look at the engagement. Look at how much it plumps up. I mean until people see what they're going for. They can't get there and so I love having only fence is a place where I can put pictures. And as you age, no, I said I was 61. As you age, the outer labia do begin to sag and I like the Femi wave poems everything up. It's like, it's like a pussy facelift. It's fabulous. So I didn't even have these technologies years ago and we had to use things that were so damaging now. It's it's like yeah, I feel like something. I feel like I got a treatment but I'm not in pain from it and it didn't hurt to get it I literally shot a video while they were doing with me wave. I'm literally talking to the director of APEX advanced medical. Her name's Jen Meredith and she runs the company that that does this out in the East Bay. But yeah, it's it's so nice. You know how we talk about longevity. And we talked about expanding our health span. Yeah. I really like to talk about expanding our sex span. Let's have great sex till the day we die. Let's die. orgasming I am for it. Some people do, for sure. Yeah. So there's also an exercise, you know, I usually I use I love to end my sessions, my my conversations with people with, you know, five minute exercise and given especially this 21, you know, step guide and all the books that you've written, I would love if there was something that comes to mind that you'd like to share. For our listeners. Well, I'd actually like to talk about my recommendation for how to use this vibrator on your Yoni to activate more encouragement. Sure, because I have it in my hand. And the only problem is that only the listeners who have that can do that practice, but that's okay. You can, you can do anything. Okay, I can deal with anything. Yeah. Because really what I'm talking about is activating all of your vulva. And I do want to hold up a picture of a vulva. And I is Do you ever put a video out? Or do you only put audio out? I want to put more video out and but what I will do? I'm going to take a photo. Okay. And then I'll also if I'm able to find out what this what, actually maybe I could record it. You know, what I'll do is all all will send you this graphic. Okay. Okay, great. So you can post it on the website. I'll also do this. Anyway, let me take a fight when I wept as you it is, there we go. So what I'm holding up as you're listening is I'm actually holding up what are your erectile tissue structures in your vulva? And you think about your vulva and you think about your clitoris and you think about the tip of your clitoris that's called the clitoral glands. And it's just a tip. And yes, there's 10,000 nerve endings, nerve endings in it. But there's 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of nerve endings and all of the erectile tissue in your vulva. And so the more that you can activate all three of your erectile tissue systems, the more intensity of orgasm and pleasure you'll have and the easier it'll be to have orgasms from intercourse. Because if you think about a banana, you probably think, okay, I can imagine a banana as a guy's penis, half of his penis sticks out of his body, and half of his penis goes in and down toward his testicles. So it's about twice as long as what you see sticking out of his abdomen. And inside his penis is all erectile tissue. And now you think about a clitoris and you think, okay, maybe that's just if it's bananas worth of rectal tissue, it will maybe just the stem of the banana, you know, like, that's what we have no, no, no, you have the whole banana as a woman to only yours is a circle that comes to a point. And the circle that comes to a point are all three of your erectile tissue structures that are wrapped around your vaginal pocket. And I don't like to even say vaginal canal because that often makes people think that it's like an inside out penis like a sheath. And it's more like a pocket or a tent. It's not a long thing. And so when we think about the vagina as a as a as a you know, sheath of the canal, we think it wants or, or, or it doesn't, it wants to be it the entire cave or pocket wants to be explored. Everything in there is orgasmic. It's not just the a spot or the cervix or the piece bought or the whatever the whole thing. This whole thing about just the very beginning entrance to the vagina is the only thing that can feel anything. It's also hogwash, bullshit and malarkey and a myth. The whole internal vagina is massively orgasmic. And when you activate the outer area and the inner area, you're going to start having incredible orgasms. So you've got a bananas worth of tissue in three structures, not the banana stem the whole banana, just as big as your male body partner in his is twice as big as you see. So that's a lot of tissue. So that's your clitoral shaft your clitoral arms called crura your clitoral legs called vestibular bulbs your you rethrow tube your your rethrow tube is your G spot it it is not a spot. It's a law noodle like a pool noodle of erectile tissue. And then you have your perineal sponge on the base underneath the bottom of your vagina. So you're literally wrapped in erectile tissue that it's gotten the engagement that it deserves. So my little thing I want you to have today is fully vulnerable. In gorged Yoni, that's what I want. And the way to make that happen is to use a vibrator. I mean, I think these ones are a fantastic way to do it because you get the deepest, most penetrating vibration I've ever felt on my vulva. No toy has ever come close to this not even the magic wand. And so that's one of the reasons I like it. And I'm not a paid spokesperson. I'm not making any money by telling you this. I'm literally just telling you as a friend. And the want the way I like to use it is I like to tell you that it's important to start at the top of your mom's that's where your pubic hair is. Above your the slit is called the vestibule between the lady is called the vestibule. Above the vestibule where the pubic hair runs across the top the mound the moms Venus until you get that almost gelatinous. It starts out kind of sinewy and hard. You want to you want to pull palpate and vibrate that whole mons to get the blood flowing into your whole vulva. If you don't start there, then you're not going to get the flow that you need your vagina and lubricates from your blood plasma. Your erectile tissue fills from the blood plasma and your female ejaculation comes from your blood plasma seeping down through that, that urethral sponge. So all of your flow has to come from that mom's getting opened up and nobody ever even touches it. The outer labia on the pubic hair underneath the pubic hair on each side of the opening to the vestibule that outer labia is where your clip legs live their little balloons and when you plump that up, it gets really big and clumpy and then you've got this nice cushion of padding with all this delicious and gorgeous mint wrapping around your vagina. Then you can go to the inner labia and the inner labia oh love to have the edges stimulated and they plump up. You can go in the vestibule up and down the opening it inside your labia from the four shet which is where they joined together at the bottom all the way up and over your clitoris to the clit hood and back down up and down up and down until she wants to open and then you can even put the vibrator inside the vestibule and start to get the urethral sponge or the external G spot because there's on the face of the opening to the vulva or to the vestibule there is the external G spot and the InterOil sphincter the opening to the vagina which is extremely sensitive, and it loves to be tantalized and pleasured long before it wants anything to be inserted into it. Then you can drill down and get the lower labia and your little sweet butt cheeks. And then you can do circles around and then you can maybe do it across the top of the clitoral hood where you're starting to get the shaft of your clitoris and gorged and then you can do little circles around your clitoris. You can run up and down your clitoris and your your vestibule, the opening the inner labia, you can go back up to the mons down and around and around and around. The whole idea being that what you're really doing is you're getting all of that tissue nice and plump. And then then you can put the vibrator on your clitoral glands, and it'll have so much more depth and intensity of pleasure than if you just slap a vibe on your clip. So that's one of the things that will really help you have the beginnings of more of these kinds of orgasms deeper pleasure, you know, help you cross the gasm chasm and have orgasms from intercourse. And I think that that kind of activation that awakening of all that tissue, the more you do it like if you did that every day for 30 days. By the time 30 days was up You'd be having the most incredible orgasms you'd ever had. And your whole labia would be lush and rich and plump and juicy and dripping with pleasure. So that's just, you know, a very easy type of thing that you can do. That's awesome. I had some really fun imagery while you were describing everything. The last one was definitely like a, like a really lush jungle. Like a gorgeous garden. Yeah, when you were circling like I was picturing these hawks circling because of your backdrop of like, of Mount Sam, and then a bouncy Fun House like, like, like the joy of being inside. That is so cute. I love the fun house. Oh my god. So fun. Thank you so much, Susan. I feel like there we could talk for hours. Oh, God. And yeah, we were coming. We're coming to a close. How can our listeners find you? Well, let's see. You can get my quiet buyer's guide and learn more about these different quiet vibrators. There's ones for singles, there's ones for couples, there's ones for male bodies and female bodies. That's it quiet vibe guide.com You can go to the pumping guide if you're interested in Penis Enlargement pumping guide.com Both of those will put you on my email sex tips newsletter with tons of free techniques. You can follow me on Instagram at Susan Bratton. You can follow me on only fans at Susan brat you're welcome to reply to any email that I send you any time it goes right into my inbox and I will answer you. So if there's something you want to ask me or something you want to clarify or something you want to tell me. I do reply to everyone. So you're welcome to connect with me. And I also have hundreds of videos free videos at better lover.com Which is another great place to find me. Fantastic. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thanks for having me. It was fun. Yeah, thank you. Was that as good for you as it was for me? If it was, we'd love if you'd please rate review and share with your friends so others can find us. If you have additional questions around sex and trauma, you can submit them at Charna caselle.com. Follow us at leadup and podcast on Instagram and Facebook and read more about my work at passionate life.org You can also sign up for my newsletter. This has been laid open podcast with your host Charna cosell Please join us again next week. Until then, keep coming