Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on email

Happy Valentine’s Day: A Relationship Advice Episode with Charna Cassell

Hello! Happy Valentine’s Day. Today I am going to do something a little bit different. I’ll be doing this episode all by myself where I answer the questions you’ve sent in looking for advice. I love being able to connect with my listeners, especially on a day like today, Valentine’s Day, which can often put a lot of societally based pressure on people to feel like they should be coupled up, or simply feel like their relationship should be at a certain place. 

Love is really tricky and trying to find it by dating in modern times isn’t easy, trust me, I know, I’m single. However, don’t give up hope. One thing I want you to focus on today is loving yourself and the people already in your life, even if they’re not your romantic partner. That said, we’re going to do a deep dive into questions like “How do I communicate to someone on a dating app that I want to feel safe” and “How to slide into someone’s DMs and not seem like a creep” and even “How to be single and date casually when you love intimacy.” As always, I am merely a resource to help you along your path of finding love, joy, vibrancy, and intimacy. So Happy Valentine’s or Palentine’s Day to you, I hope you love this episode. 

If you’re new here, don’t worry if you have something you want me to answer, I plan to do more of these episodes. Just head to my website and click on the link in the header that says “Ask Charna” to submit your question. 

You can find this episode and more, wherever you listen to podcasts, just search LaidOPEN.

Show Notes Welcome back to lead up and podcast. I'm your host Charna caselle. Today is the notorious Valentine's Day or as I like to call it Palatines day, I've always really enjoyed giving friends, cookies and cards and love notes. And, you know, it's a way I think to appropriate it to take it on as something that means something to me rather than use it to smack myself in the face with or abuse myself with as I think so many people do, like managing their own expectations about what where they should be, what they should have, how they should, what they should be doing for their partner if they have a partner, like there's all this pressure and yucky stuff often for people around Valentine's Day. And so let's see if we can change that. What do you need to do to change that for yourself? I'm going to be answering two questions on here. So encourage you to write in via Charna backslash ask dash Charna backslash today's topic is dating. So this is my solo date with myself. I just took a bath and gave myself a foot massage. I'm in cozy clothes until she is on my lap. I'm sitting down with your questions so let's stick in together life is about to start trauma extension is a great honor deciders calm bla, so this first question is, I don't know how to be alone. I'm out of a 15 year marriage and I'm so used to being with someone and being a full time mom. And now the kids are with my ex half the time and the house is so quiet. How do I get used to this and start over? So there's actually a lot to this question. It's covering things like loss, grieving transitions change, being alone, fear, discomfort, and potentially being in a new practice. Being alone is a paradox. We're never alone and we're always alone. And being alone is a skill that some of us are more conditioned to be okay with. So mindfulness meditations can help you develop a more focused sense of what's happening inside you and around you. And it can build your capacity to be with what arises when you are alone. So if you were neglected as a kid or didn't have siblings, or are avoidant Lee attached, being alone might be easier for you. We naturally are pack animals. So wanting connection and community makes sense. If you were abused as a kid, you might find more safety and being alone. But literally being home alone can feel hard because there are no distractions from big feelings or a dysregulated nervous system. So here's a practice for you. You can try this as a journaling practice, or you can do it as a meditation. If you're going to do it as a meditation, set an alarm for five to 20 minutes, right, you can breeze through this or you can extend it and make it a longer practice. If you're a more experienced meditator, go ahead and go for even 40 minutes. When you close your eyes, and you turn inward, and you listen to the absence of noise created by your kids, what do you hear? The buzz of the fridge? Traffic outside. What thoughts show up? What stories come up for you around being alone? What cultural or familial beliefs are you managing as a single woman? Whose voice is that? If it's your voice, what age is it? When did this belief form? What would you call this voice that speaks louder ugly when you're alone? And what does it say? What action? does it encourage you to take? What is its pace? What emotions do associate with it? In Where do you feel this part of you in your body? What are the sensations there? Is it hot, more cold, tight or loose? Does it feel like it's made of a certain substance? How much are you breathing? And do you have an awareness of a different part of you that believes something else? Can this part speak to that other part that may be critical or catastrophic? When someone is either contemplating a breakup, or has gone through one, some common fears that arise are I failed, or I'll be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe I made the wrong decision. Maybe I should have stayed. Or maybe I should have done something different. I think of these regretful voices as negotiating with powerlessness. They have you play out history in a variety of different ways. If all only I'd done it this way, then maybe all of this is actually distraction from being with the feeling of loss. Can you let that part that is scared to be alone, know that you are here with her? Maybe you'd like to put your hand on this part of your body. Feel the temperature and the weight of your hand? What emotion is there? beyond fear they may there may be great. You need to give yourself time to grieve and we all move at a different pace. Your ex may have moved on or numbed out his feelings buy immediately dating. You can think you're over it and then a new wave hits. I really want to acknowledge that change is hard. Being with another person becomes a habit and even an addiction and uncoupling you go through withdrawal. It can feel like someone has died. All the stages of grieving that relate to bereavement also apply to breakups, Russel Friedman and John W. James, have some simple books on Greece, that I recommend checking out. One is called moving on and it brings you through a process of being with rather than pushing away the grades. It helps you take an inventory of the highs and lows and then a guide to through writing a letter that is just for you. What do you forgive them for? What do you apologize for? What are you grateful for? I know I said this is an episode about dating. And here I started with a question about how to be alone. But it is so essential to know how to do this. Otherwise, you're much more vulnerable to ignoring red flags, and settling for people that are not a right fit for you. Especially as a woman, there's always someone who will want to fuck you or sleep with you. But what's the quality of sex safety and respect you'll receive. Taking time to get closer on what you want before you put yourself out there will save you a lot of time a lot of hurt and potentially avoid dangerous or unpleasant situations. It's important to know how to be alone and enjoy your own company. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be in partnership. Most of us are sold on the idea of romantic love as the penultimate and the most important kind of love. I don't buy into that. But I do want to find a partner whom I laugh with doing daily errands and whom I share a mutual interest in supporting each other's healing and service to the world. There's a lot of value in men learning to date themselves. Tyson Adams is a good resource and learning to do this, you can check out my episode with him. It was episode 55. If men were treating themselves kindly and warmly they would understand how much work it takes their partners to support them and and they would value what their partners offer them more. Of course, there are plenty woman who could also learn to express appreciation as well. So let's go on to our second question. I'm a woman in my 30s and something I keep running into on dating apps is men who want to meet quickly. I want to do more investigation into who they are. It's scary to meet a random guy without having a sense of him, I don't need to wait a month to meet. But I do want to get on the phone first, I find that when I say I want to talk more, they get irritated and unmatch me pretty instantly. How do I say this without setting them off. So, you know, you really get to simply say, my time and your time are precious. I'd like to see if we can enjoy a little banter or each other's perspectives on the world enough over a call, before we meet and expend a bunch of extra time together, I'd feel more comfortable getting a better sense of you before we meet in person. Or you can say as a woman meeting strangers for the first time can be unnerving. And I like to get a better sense of our compatibility before we do that. So you can name safety explicitly, but you don't have to. If someone is defensive from the get go, that gives you a lot of information. If they don't care if you feel safe or not, and can't respect your pace from the beginning, this is a red flag. They're more if they're, you know, they're clearly more interested in getting off and caring about the needs of someone on the other end. Even if you're solely wanting to be fucked, or tied up periodically, that takes trust. Understand that in order to even have a periodically intimate relationship, there needs to be safety, communication, Honesty and trust. When they're bolting right away, as soon as a need is named, they're clearly showing themselves. We never actually know what's going on for someone on the other side. They may not be responsive out of genuine disinterest. Or it could be that they're overwhelmed because of ambivalence, or because of a work deadline. And dating is just on the backburner this week. The problem is whatever your last negative experience was, while dating may create a filter, and even a level of reactivity in your nervous system, that you're then seeing the next person who writes to you through and you might start making assumptions about who they are, or what's motivating them. And it's important to look out for that to really be able to suss out, like what's yours and what is genuinely the other person. Question number three, I found out my partner has been DMing with their ex while it's not overtly sexual, it is about our relationship. It feels vulnerable and exposing they're spending a lot of time chatting. And I feel like it's inappropriate. They have not told me they're chatting, which is what is upsetting? I know it's a boundary violation to be looking at their DM. But now I can't stop. How do I address this with her? Hmm, this is a bit of a tricky one. Decades ago, the concept of emotional affairs came out. And I know that this is actually controversial. People in monogamous relationships that depend heavily, primarily on their romantic relationships for support may expect a different degree of emotional monogamy than poly people or people who have very intimate friendships. Right? Like I know that I'm personally been mostly in monogamous relationships, but I have very intimate and close friendships, and we share a lot with each other. And some people would feel like that's a boundary crossing or betrayal to their primary partner. But if your partner is talking with their ex about your relationship and what's not working, it makes sense that this feels vulnerable to you. How is your partner's boundaries? How are they otherwise? In you know, everyday life? Are they able to say no? Have there been issues around trust in the past? How do you trust her beyond this situation? Well understand that your feelings are hurt. What specifically is your concern? Are you afraid things will cross a line and that they're going to be building more intimacy. That is not totally clear. I think it's important for you to be honest, even though it is a boundary crossing, but for you to be honest, and to share your you know, whatever's coming up for you, your feelings, your concerns. And if you're having a particularly hard time, I know that it's extra vulnerable when your partner is sharing what's not necessarily working in your relationship. But this could also be just like cheating often is it's an opportunity to address what's not working in your partnership. Often people will will cheat because they don't have the courage to directly address what's going on and not totally functional. So it's it's almost like a good catch. That it's not fully going off. The ledge, and that you can, you know, talk to it. And, you know, I think it's an opportunity to reestablish honesty, transparency, and trust. And apologize, acknowledge you were in the wrong for reading the DMS and give them the opportunity. And you know, I would say like, what were the feelings? What caused you to go into their DMS to begin with? Right, like what was happening? We are very psychic beings, whether we call it that or not. We have strong intuitions we sense things. Is your partner being more distant? Are you having less sex? Is there? Is there an energetic withdrawal happening? Are you getting in bed and they're on their phones? So they're actually spending more time and energy in their phone in that relationship than with you all, you know, really think about these things? And answer it from I mean, speak to it from a vulnerable place versus an accusatory place that is going to go much farther. Remember, you know, the the key components of reflective listening? And nonviolent communication nonviolent communication? Well, it's not a perfect formula, it's pretty useful when you identify what's the need you're having? What feelings come up when that doesn't get met? And what are you asking for? Right? So in this case, maybe this is me making something up, but maybe you're feeling neglected, you're feeling insecure. What you're really wanting is you're wanting connection, you're wanting transparency, or wanting honesty, and when you don't feel that what emotions arise in you. So I hope that feels helpful. Let's move on. here's question number four. I consider myself a guy with integrity. And I don't want to give women the wrong idea. I'm pretty fresh out of a 10 year marriage, and I'm an intimacy junkie. I like workshops, self growth, deep conversations and connection. So I don't want to just have casual sex, but I'm not in a rush for a big commitment either. If you really love intimacy, how do you date casually? I love this question. I feel like it's really resonant. I've, you know, I get it. So we're not one dimensional, completely congruent beings, we often have multiple parts of us that want conflicting things. What part is running the show, and who is making the decisions for you in any given moment, this is something to really think about, especially when you're turned on and you're like, all this, these hormones are running through you and a certain part of your body or your pelvis, you know, whatever's in your pants might be throbbing and wanting to make a certain choice, while if you pause and breathe and ground, you might make a different one, a minute later. So as a therapist, I do help people's parts communicate and bridge the gaps between them. They don't feel so paralyzed or polarized internally, that's part of the work that I do. And you know, you may need to get some external support. And that often having a neutral person versus a friend can be more helpful, because, you know, your friend is going to have their own filters and their own projections because of your past relationships and what you've shared with them. So, just personally, I've been on both sides of this question. I'm someone who's had a high tolerance, you know, who I'm someone who has a high tolerance for intimacy and playfulness I really need and like to have both. So while at times in my life, I've been able to have casual sex, it's only really satisfying if I feel appreciated, attended to and that the person is present with me. And only works when you're both on the same page. Because if one person's longing for a deeper, long term commitment, and the other person is just wanting to get off, there's a real disconnect there. I've also had someone insist on monogamy right away and say all the right words that had me fall in love that made me feel seen that shared intimate details of their life and their heart. And they told me, they love me and we plan for a future and then it was a one ad and it was really painful. And so, you know, I just I really appreciated this guy's question because he's recognizing the possible pitfalls. He's thinking about what he wants, but also considering what these people he encounter what they'll feel. So thanks, thanks, guy. So a few things. You know, there are certain things that build intimacy and attachment. And if you're trying to pace yourself, and you want to keep it lighter, and you don't want to end up in a committed relationship right away, these are some things to consider. And I don't think it's not an exhaustive list. But these were some things that just, you know, came off the top of my head. So, a few things to avoid sleeping in the same bed overnight together. What happens when you do this is there is an energetic bond that gets formed. And so if you're not wanting to create a deeper energetic connection, and of course, this is the tricky part, right? There's that part of you that does want that you're like, I want her to think about me all the times, I want her to want me. And, you know, if there's a more thoughtful part, use some restraint. Don't sleep there. Even if she pulls for it, you know what your bigger agenda is. I've encountered a number of men who've taken offense of being kicked out of my bed, but unless you're interested in a deeper commitment, this may be a boundary that you really need to hold. Number two. If you're monogamous, STI free, outside of childbearing age or your partner's had a vasectomy, you may make a pragmatic argument for letting your partner ejaculate inside of you or for you to ejaculate inside of them. But this does create more emotional attachment. There is a primal thing that occurs when someone comes inside of you. They call it fluid bonding for a reason. Take note. Number three. Are your actions and words congruent? Do you find yourself saying I love you? What does that mean to you? What does it mean to the person you said it to this really could be different? Are you caught up in romance? Are you addicted to romance? Are you addicted to the idea that you're a romantic guy, and you want this identity? So you take these actions or pursue these ways of being, but then don't have what it takes to actually follow it up? If you tend to be effusive with your words, and know what is your superpower, that you're really charming with your words, refrain from doing so refrain from building illusions and the fantasy that comes with all of those words. It may not be as fun or as free, but it's realistic and responsible. Fun and free has consequences. Think of babies, right? Number four? Does the person you're dating think they're the only one in your bed? Is there anyone else who would feel hurt if they knew what you were seeing and doing? What do you need to be upfront about? Omission of truth is a lie. Be a man of integrity versus just being invested in this identity without the actions to back it up. Number five. Are you dreaming and fantasizing out loud about all the future things you'll do together? Watch your impulsive future plan or at least don't do it out loud. It can be a setup for expectations. And if she's looking for signs of your growing commitment level, holidays together, travel trips, etc. All of those things are signs. The reality is when someone is into you, they will edit reality, they will make excuses they will override red flags. So even if you explicitly say at some point early on once or twice, I don't know if I want a relationship but then the next day or week you're talking future and introducing her to your loved ones. When you have two conflicting parts speaking out loud, it can feel like whiplash to the listener. Recently, a guy on a dating app came out swoonworthy guns blazing, wanting to share his poetry with me. But I set a boundary a gentle boundary. I told them I've been known to fall in love with someone because of their way with words. And because they were a good writer. And at this point, I'm more interested in action versus words. He respected it he refrained from sharing his poetry. And it also caused him to reflect and ask this question, which I totally appreciate. Right? That's That in itself is a good sign. It's one of those things of like, oh, he could respect boundaries. So at some point, if our paths ever cross in the future, it bodes well. With the realities we all want to be seen and heard, especially when we haven't had that in a past relationship. My ex told me he'd never felt so supported, comforted and heard. But ultimately, he did not have the capacity or desire to return that beyond the initial trial period. I don't need to hear your art or poetry, if it will cloud my judgment or create a false and premature sense of intimacy. That means more to me than it does to you. I'm not interested in being physical with someone I don't feel appreciated and cherished by and I'm not forming an emotional attachment to or connection with. So those are some things that, you know, if you're looking for something of more substance, to consider, if you're looking for something more casual, but you tend to be a human, that likes deep enrich connections, you also have a certain responsibility as you navigate this pool of single people in your world. Okay, number five. I'm a gay man. And I've been monogamously. Seeing a guy for six months, things have escalated to discussing living together part time. I've even met his family, yet he won't post photos of us on social media. public acknowledgement of his commitment to me is important. I want to feel chosen and claims. In the past, this has been a sign that someone is married or ashamed to be with me. What does this mean? What should I do? Oh, okay, social media and dating. Boy, I hear. First of all, I just want you to know, I hear how his lack of willingness to claim you strikes an old chord of betrayal and hurt. And I'm really sorry that that happened. It sounds like it's created some fear. And a level of distrust. And past hurts, it's important to remember often amplifies smaller present day ones, and make them feel bigger. Right? So it's not just the hurt from present time, it's the past and they're kind of layered on top of one another or reactivated. Have you shared why it's important to you and what it means for him to post those photos. Does he know that? And have you asked him where his lack of willingness or interest is coming from? You know, some people are stubborn, while others if they know how you're impacted, they may have a change of heart. You know, it really just depends on what's behind it. And I think it's important for you both to understand where the other is coming from social media is not for everyone, right? Some people even once they're married still don't want their details of how they spend their private time publicly shared in may not be personal. I'm also curious how old he is. Younger generations tend to share more easily on social media. Second, is he a Luddite? Meaning how into technology as he like if he's a birder and a naturalist and spends most of his time off his phone, expecting him to, you know, be into posting photos on social media is not realistic. Although, of course, you're the one posting for him to object is a whole other thing versus to have him learn how to push buttons and like post stuff? And does he post other stuff on social? Or does he even have an Instagram or Facebook account? You know, while it can mean that your boyfriend, despite moving towards partnership has one foot out or doesn't want to be seen as publicly attached to a new person? That's possible. I'm also curious when he came out, is being out a newer thing for him? Or are there parts of his community that he wants to keep his private life private? Right. I mean, this is this is kind of stating the obvious, but in case you haven't considered this, you know, as you likely know, if someone is freshly out, they may not have the same level of ease or skill, navigating that level of visibility. Even hetero guys new to dating, after a long marriage may have trouble being publicly associated with a new person. You know, I dated someone or that was the case. And it can be about managing their kids feelings, their ex wife's feelings, or even their own conflicted feelings about fully stepping into a new commitment and outside of an identity that they were in for 25 years. Right? Like that's, it's a big deal. I know for me, even just like making reels on Instagram, being visible, I've have conflicted feelings about it. And I've also even done a one woman show so people might be surprised that like making a one minute video is kind of scary for me. But there's lots of layers to being visible and being seen and fears that can show up for people and what does that mean? And someone has to be able to self reflect and be even able to see why something might be hard for them. Number seven, I follow someone with a mid level following on social media, we talk and have good conversations, they actually respond to my DMs, which I feel like is a green flag. I don't know if they're single, or if they're interested or even how to ask them out. What do you think I should do? So this, you know, that there's not one answer to this question. I think, for some people, as someone who gets messages in my DMs, and I think, obviously, I'm not alone. It really depends on context. me share a story with you something that happened recently. A man I would say is probably 15 years, my senior that I do not know, wrote to me. And initially, he wrote me an innocuous question about something that I had posted about my house flooding. And asked me something about that. And I offered him a resource about, you know, a contractor's information. And then the next message was asking me out, and I very easily or just like, was like, Okay, what do I want to say to this? And I, I knew I wasn't interested. I'm not attracted to him. There was no context. And this is not the first time something like this has occurred for me. I told him, I'm not interested in engaging with you romantically. Take care. And his response initially was, thank you for being direct. And then he wrote a long, somewhat condescending victime message in response, where he was like, why were you harsh? There was no warmth, you didn't express feeling flattered. You know, I got thank you for the opportunity to practice a centering and grounding exercise, because I was really thrown off by your answer. It's like, okay, guy. So, you know, we're not on a dating site. He'd said in his previous message, I've seen you on dating sites. And so and it's like, yeah, so a dating site, there is the context for dating. And if I haven't responded to you on a dating site, that means I'm not interested. Right. And so to write to me, feigning you know, you know, either a need for some kind of support around his own house flooding, or feigning interest in my work, or feigning interest in something else, and then doing a 180 and asking me out, it's just not honest. Right, it's like, let's try this. Let's try this. And there was a tick tock video that I posted on my Facebook page that that I thought was, demonstrated something that so many young women deal with all the time, which is, you know, this this young girl, she's 17 vintage clothing shopping, and this guy starts hitting on her starts with your beautiful then starts with being super weird, and showing her his knee and his tick bite and, and being like, Hey, I live in the woods all by myself, and I need to hire someone to help pick my tomatoes. Maybe that's you, you know, it's like offering her a job. He'd wanted to go out with her when she said, No, thank you. I'm 17. He's like that. So great age to be, you know, and so there's just there's a lack of attunement. And the thing to be aware of is, you don't know when you're when you're messaging someone, you don't know what their day is, like, you don't know what they're going through. You know, there are times when I have the capacity to answer, repeat random people's needs around, you know, conversations about becoming a psychotherapist, or conversations about trauma, or, you know, all those things, and I have more bandwidth. And this last four months has not been a period where I've had extra bandwidth, right? So my boundaries are tighter and clearer. And, and so when you're you don't know when you're suddenly like stepping in to someone's life and sending them a message, what they are going through, their mother could have just died. They're going through a breakup, like whatever is going on, they're exhausted, they're sleep deprived, they're hungry, and so to have any expectation or entitlement to how they I respond to you, that's your stuff. Right? Like, I didn't know this guy anything. And he was so absurd. And then he then he had the gall to write on my Facebook page, as if he's like, a really good guy responding to this video of the teenage girl. And then he wrote to me again, saying, you know, he apologized, he ran the whole thing by a friend. And he realized he was out of line. And then he wrote, again, on the Facebook page saying, um, you know, asking me to tell him what he should do as a newly single man, how we should navigate this. And you know what? Like, I do this for free. Like, right now I'm answering these questions, I produce a podcast that I don't make any money from. Right. That's my time. And I'm willing to do that, because I want to be at service, but I want to be of service when I want to be of service, you know what I'm saying? Like, these are my boundaries. And otherwise, guys, you're asking me to do your emotional labor, you need to figure it out, go talk to other men, and get this advice. Join a men's group, talk to another female friend, perhaps. But really, it's out of line to be asking me for that. And I got a little frothy, because the reality is the last person I gave a very explicit, you know, who wrote to me asking me out, through a DM my friend had just had a stroke. My dad was in the hospital, like all these things. And when I told him, those, he got defensive, it's like silence, you get, you know, it's just an invitation for message after message after message. It's like, sometimes women will people in general, but women cannot win. Right, that often men feel a level of entitlement to our time into our bodies. And yeah, it was, it struck a chord with me this week. And then I've had a number of clients, where they've had their male partners touch their bodies in ways that just don't feel good. Right? Where, you know, I have, where like, one client I had years ago, a partner would honk her breasts, like literally go honk. And in some way, maybe you could go like, Oh, this is kind of endearing. Like this is, this is a teenage part of him that is still so excited about movies, right? But the reality is that for him, there were together for eight years, and somehow she had managed to not talk to him about it, which is like, bless her heart. That's not me, man, you would know that on the first time. That it's just, it didn't feel good, it doesn't feel good. It's not sexy. If you're wanting to create turn on, if you're wanting to create intimacy, you really want to be attuned to your person's, what they're saying, like, I have this I have a client who tells her partner, I don't want you to touch me that way. Don't touch that body part do not do that. It's sensitive. And he he's like, Oh, come on, you know, you like it. You too. And it's like gaslight much. You know, boys will be boys. Right? It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's not consent. If someone says, I don't like that, I don't want that. You're crossing a line, and you need to respect their body. And, you know, of course, if someone has tried to say to you, I want to, I want to connect with you. I like intimacy with you. But when you do this particular thing, I brace around bracing for it all the time, because you do it and you don't stop. That's not what you're wanting to create with your person. So I completely digressed. But really, there's this thing of and I appreciate that this question because someone is asking, How do I assess out and really remember to give context, ask like, hey, you know, I've really enjoyed connecting with you. And I don't want to be inappropriate here. I don't know if you're single. And if you are, are you looking to date right now? And I don't know how you're assessing our connection because sometimes, you know, if you're following someone and you're responding to them, there could they could be being polite, they're trying they're being of service, but they're not interested in luck in your deck, you know, there's a difference there, right? I've even been on dates where someone wants to do therapy with me, and I'm like, you get BJs. Or you get therapy, you don't get both. Right? I, I dry in my personal, it's like, I'm still really supportive of my partners, but there's lions, I really try to manage and not rescue them and not be their mommy. So if you're following somebody, and you have a crush on them, feed your you can be direct, you know, you can say, I have a brain crush on you, or horrible body crush, whatever, you know, I have a crush on you. And I want to be respectful of your time, even if you just acknowledged that's a big thing, right? It's like, oh, oh, you're actually considering me, you're showing me that you're thinking about the impact of this request. Right. And, you know, there was a post I saw lately, and it was like, poor guys, they're having such a hard time talking to, you know, to women. Now, they don't know how to do it. And then it was like, women have been walking to their cars with keys between their fingers for decades. You know, like, we're all these sensitive beings that don't necessarily always feel safe. And we want to feel safe, and we want to feel connected with other humans. And the thing that we can do best is like, be aware of your impact. Be conscious of timing. You know, let someone know try to put yourself in their shoes before you act or say something. And yeah, be respectful. Okay, I think I'm gonna get off my little soapbox now. Okay, my love's. I have more questions here. But that's all we have time for today. I encourage you to write me more really on any topic. I'm happy to talk to you one here that was really interesting that we'll have to get to another day is about karma and dating, a topic that I particularly enjoy. Thank you for joining me on Valentine's Day. I hope some of these questions and answers resonated with you that some of it feels useful to you as season three is coming to a close only a few episodes left. Please feel free to just send more questions for me to answer in season four. In order to support the podcast, I've started a Patreon. If you're like me and new to Patreon, it is an opportunity to give back to a person or show that you feel has contributed to your life, wellness and growing wisdom. Today, I'm asking you if you feel my existence and the work I do in the world makes a difference. Please show me a tangible offer of your support back. The more people that join the more exclusive content I'll be adding for members only. You can find my T ar e o backslash la IDOPNPO de cast. To learn more about how you can support our community. If you found this podcast helpful, share it with anyone you can anyway you can please rate review and share it with friends so others can find our community of healing. You can also follow me at late open podcast on Instagram and Facebook and read more about my work at passionate Until next time, may this podcast connect you to new resources and empower you to heal yourself

Come Join The Mailing List.

Receive news, updates and exclusive promotions when you sign up.

© 2022 By Charna Cassell, LMFT. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. MFC 51238.

Do you have an anonymous question that you would like Charna to answer on the LaidOPEN Podcast? Ask Below.

You may leave the name and email fields blank if you wish to remain anonymous.