Show Notes
Welcome back to late open podcast. This is your host Charna caselle. I've launched a Patreon for my podcast and if you feel you've received value from these episodes, you can also get additional bonus exclusive content such as meditations in depth exercises and behind the scenes info about the interviews, and my personal life. All of that and more is available@www.pa TREON dot Colm backslash la IDOP en pod Cst. By supporting us on Patreon, you're not only contributing to the creation of this podcast you will also provide the support needed for me to work on my book workshops, online courses and additional free content. Today's guest is Tyson Adams. Tyson is a trauma informed men's coach who specializes in sexual intelligence after spending 20 years addicted to pornography. He outgrew porn six years ago and has found his passion and purpose in helping other men master their lifeforce energy. He runs the Thrive men's group from San Diego, California. Welcome Tyson happy to have you.
In life is about to
start
trauma exemption
is a great
honor to size comm.
Magic
Yeah, thank you. I'm excited to be here. Yeah, I discovered you on David Chambers, the authentic man podcast. I really appreciated the depth with which you addressed con a conversation or on mindful masturbation that felt like it had more heart to it more
neuroscience awareness, more trauma awareness. I just felt like it was very whole and thorough. And it had me it brought me to you. So thank you. Yeah. Should we just dive into that topic, then? Sure. Let's go there. And that means something in particular, and you can fill us in around what you're offering around that? Yeah. Yeah. So I'll just speak to that first, and then we'll go into the mindful masturbation.
I think one of the things that's not talked about around semen retention, and just to define semen retention, it's not about never deactivating, again, a lot of people think that it gets dogmatic and nofap. And all that sort of thing where people think, Oh, I'm never going to come again. That's crazy. So I just want to, if you're listening out there, and you're a man, or if you're a woman out there, and you have a partner what it is, it's just a long gating, or you're a man out there, and you have a partner, that's a man, it's about elongating the space between when you ejaculate, that's really all it is. And then when you actually do decide to ejaculate, you do it from a more mindful place, which is to say, instead of using your penis to feel better, you're using it to better feel. So it's that transition of looking at masturbation as this thing that we do, rather reactively when we're stressed, or bored or angry or sad. And then we're moving into it more, put it in the calendar, here's my date with this moment in time, and I'm going to actually move into that space with intention to actually connect with myself. I really like this piece of using it to better feel that you say in terms of sex is an area that people feel pretty motivated by. And so to use that to be like, Oh, what's a way that I could actually connect with my feeling versus the way that so many men are trained out of feeling themselves? Oh, how can I use this as an embodiment practice in a way to to be intentional and connect with myself? Unlike what you were describing, it's like, like a throwaway, or a quick fix to changing a state.
Yeah, and I don't usually lead with that. And the main reason why is because I like to lead with the logic of it, which is, a lot of men don't understand that seminal fluid and semen has all kinds of vital nutrients and vitamins and selenium, zinc and vitamin A and B and all of these amazing fats and lipids. And so what happens is, when a man is masturbating to regularly he's basically needing to reproduce that seminal fluid in semen. And so if he isn't taking in the right nutrients and vitamins, and eating the right types of foods, they're not pulling from his other organs and the rest of his system in order to reproduce that and
Energy. And so we've normalized living life at about a quarter tank, and then we go back down to zero, and then we go back to a quarter. And we wonder why life's hard. But then when we do seem to retention, let's say for a month, and it takes actually 90 days for spermatogenesis, to fully go through the system, so it's even more than a month. But even if you wait for a month in the first week, your testosterone levels can rise as much as 45%. But once you get to a month, you're feeling you're just feeling fantastic. And then, so that's the logic of it. And then once a man can buy into understanding like this is actually about human optimization. This is about being a steward of your lifeforce energy and understanding that there is science to this because for 1000s of years, masturbation is sinful and shameful. And all of that secrecy and all that gunk that conversations dead. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about learning how to become a steward of our life force so that we can live fully alive and then accomplish our goals and purpose and dreams. And are you or do you subscribe to Taoist beliefs around the depletion of your Ching? Oh, here, he's holding up the Tao of sexual meditation? Yeah, well, you know, and I think it's great to be able to know who's your listener? And what's their starting place, right. And so you're addressing it from a certain place a pragmatic approach. And then there's also this whole spiritual underpinning. Yeah. So there's two different types of men that I work with men that are real lost and confused or really deep steeped in an addiction or porn, or having an inability to attract a real human partner. So that's often men that come and then there's another type of man who's maybe moved through that stage. And now he wants to take it to the next level. And then that's where the doubtless practices and these other sex magic in the Egyptian books and Lavon does and the Taoist teaching or the tantric teachings come in, but what I'm really speaking to here, as far as taking it to the next level, is learning how to locate your raw sexual energy, and then being able to work with the root of the body through perineum squeezes. We're gonna do that, if it's possible. I'd love to do that later. Yeah. Awesome. We Yeah, I usually conclude the podcast with an exercise and so that everybody will have to listen to the end. Yeah, I think that'd be great. And so learning how to actually squeeze the perineum and draw energy up the spine, front channel, back channel, middle channel, left channel, right channel, everybody's a little different in terms of how energy moves through the system. But when you get that energy up the back of the spine and into the brain, I'm bringing the science into this by putting a Neurofeedback cap on and it actually opens up gamma waves in the brain. And when you look at meditating monks that have been doing it for 30 years, you see access gamma wave in the brain. And so gamma opens up lots of things focus, drive flow, willpower, creativity, imagination connects the hemispheres connects the nervous system, and then also spiritual insight deepens your meditation. And you can also empty the mind too. So you can either put that energy into good use creatively, or if you want to click Ctrl, Alt Delete on certain things that maybe you don't want to be thinking about, or things that have been ruts in the brain where you're, let's say you your brain is plastic. So if you've been watching a lot of porn, and it's got a right, you can actually begin the process of tweaking that with energy as you learn how to map and learn your nervous system and how the energies are flowing. Override old trauma neural pathways or old habits that that you want to move beyond and intentionally create new neural neural pathways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can kind of use this with squeezes and masturbation and sounding where you're actually squeezing the roux. And through the process of linking masturbation sounding and squeeze, you can actually, for the most part, you can clear any energies out of your system that you no longer out there, whether that's an x that's been really challenging to get over or whether you've had porn addiction, you can actually clean and learn how to move the energies out of your system so that you can start fresh and new. So who doesn't need that?
Yeah, yeah, a little sexual. roto rooter. Yeah, sounding. Yeah, no, that's great. And how did you get as engaged in this topic? What drew you to it? In terms of feeling inspired to want to offer this to other people? Yeah, that's a good question. And it's not one of those things. That's not one of those things that I intended. You know, there's a lot of people that go, oh, I want to be a coach. Oh, I kind of like sex. I'm gonna just try to build this sex business. Like, for me, it was a fucking utter disaster. It was horrible. It was so painful. I was living in Southeast Asia, and I put a spermicidal lubricant condom on and when I went on my penis, it said, like needles and pins through my entire body, and I ended up effectively feeling like I got a bladder infection. But what it was, I found out many years later because of my
I folks, but I had interstitial bladder cystitis that it set off. I was in doctors through India through Southeast Asia, Bangkok. Even in the US, Mexico, I ran so many tests, STD test, kidneys, all the things, and they just all came up empty. And so I was forced to not masturbate because I couldn't, it was so incredibly painful. And so in the process of giving up porn and masturbation, which was required of me effectively, that's more than now like six years, six and a half years ago. But as I did that, I actually realized that when I decided to go back to doing it to masturbating after a month, I was hoping it wouldn't be painful, but it still was, but at the very least, was able to learn, oh my gosh, it's possible to masturbate and to not have something in my prefrontal cortex, such as fantasy or pornography. And so that was this sort of moment. And the reason why it happened, or how it happened, which is a little bit strange. But at this point, I have no problem sharing it was that I was, you know, I was feeling it, I was laying outside of my hammock, it's nice, breezy, I'm looking up, it's a full moon. And so I started to actually be intimate with myself. But instead of going into that prefrontal cortex, I was like, I'm just gonna stare at the moon. And I'm just gonna see what happens if I just keep concentration there. And that was the actual first orgasm of my life, there was everything before it. And then there was this moment in time. And then I was like, Holy shit, okay.
And so that was the awakening that I had, which was that I can help men to understand that we don't have to project outwardly, our anima or our feminine on to women to dance for me, baby. And to be whatever it is, for me, we can actually begin to integrate those energies to get to a place where we are solely responsible for our own arousal, where we become sexually solver, where we're not outsourcing our feminine qualities, or our anima to pills, or creams or porn or other people or anything for that matter. And we're able to bring it back home and actually be with it. So that was a long time ago. But yeah, it was a real crazy medical thing that kind of put me on this path, which I think that if you allow it, it's a common occurrence where there's a physical ailment that is actually trying to get your attention. It's trying to guide you in a particular direction. And if you follow it, it can be a spiritual awakening, you know, and a career awakening, right? But yeah, oh my gosh, and it was because what happened was they misdiagnosed it. They put me with penicillin, and all these things. So then my testosterone dropped. It got into the two hundreds, I had the darkest thoughts in my life. And then when I finally came out of that I started dating again, but because of the bladder issue was my penis was so sensitive, that I had premature ejaculation issues. So I had to relearn and rewire my nervous system. I had to cut out coffee, sugar, alcohol, spicy foods, bubbly waters, I had to literally strip it. Yeah, that gives me a deeper empathy for all men that have gone through all of these strange things. Because I've had a lot of things that happen. Low T, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, fear of abandonment, being shamed. Even my sexuality being questioned, because I couldn't get it up. I mean, all the things, all the things, I feel like you might be my male twin, that stuff? Well, I mean, you know, I had a path of dealing with chronic genital pain that I really see this was like, you know, 20 years ago, almost. But it's, it's a whole long involved story, but part of it did involve a chronic bladder infection that felt like it was unresponsive to antibiotics. So it wasn't your conventional bladder infection. But there's information there it felt like I was being electrocuted from the inside out. And and what was the thing that cleared it up? Nine times roasted bamboo seasalt and doing karma clearing prayers, there was this whole period that's so much more involved than just that, that I started to work on a book about that. I am like, Oh, my body forced me onto a spiritual path. It was I didn't give a shit about enlightenment. That was not what I thought my life was going to be about. No, that was not my chosen path. But I think that it's remarkable how much information we can gather, and what a resource we can become for others when we have incredibly sensitive bodies that ask us to pay close attention and interpret the body's language, which can often be pain. So wow, I love that prayer. The opponent opponent one is so great. And I'm just curious. Well, that thought will return right after a word from our sponsor. I've spoken about having had a traumatic birth on this podcast before, while I exist.
variants physical, sexual and emotional abuse throughout my life, my birth experience of the most impactful imprint. Because of this, I've discovered that directly addressing trauma related to your birth can be the missing ingredient and helping release us from the grasps of initial trauma.
It's because of this that I feel so strongly about the work of Annie Brooke, the founder of the Brooke Institute. So few people know about perinatal psychology and she is an expert. I even recommend her courses to my clients and friends. By signing up for her incredible courses, you'll also have the opportunity to unwind cellular imprints, there's some coming up that I would love to tell you about. If you have a pattern of feeling unfulfilled or tend towards an inability to take action, I recommend the best choice best action mastermind, which starts January 23.
Early pre verbal experiences can shape our behavior and we need to develop new practices to take new actions. This course will help you repattern your brain learn to be regulated under stress, build resilience through new somatic tools, free up old stuck energy, so it's available for you to take new action. This is a deep dive immersion course that runs for four months, meets two times a week and you also receive tons of resources and supportive explorations. This life changing course will inspire revolutionary change so you can finally walk towards your destiny. You can learn more about Annie's work by revisiting episode 54 of leadup podcast or going to her website anniebrok.com. To find the coursework look under the online training and supervision tab to learn more. That's a n n i E, B R o o k.com.
As you went through that, was it.
I don't even say this without just going into some sort of I'll just go there. Do you feel like this was an epigenetic thing that was carried over from a lineage? Or was this something that you think showed up just with you? Do you know? Yeah, yeah, me I do. You know, there was it was very layered. And since we're going there, I'll just go there, what it brought me to because no Western medicine. I mean, I did the whole thing. I didn't know sugar for 15 years, I didn't know coffee for 25 years. I mean, like all all the things, right. And I saw every kind of doctor and I just felt like I was being stuck.
Like I couldn't wear pants. It was like a whole thing. So I started working with energy workers and and what I was getting what I was being told that resonated, because that's what it felt like I was like, I just feel like the desert is in my body felt like all of my mucous membranes and everything, or like all the moisture was sucked out of my being. And the first person to tell me this, and she wasn't the first which was really a wild occurrence. But she was like you were a sex slave in the Sudan. Wow. And you were like sexually tortured. And you divorce yourself from your genitals and your female organs. And what had what the precursor was to having all of these intense experiences was asserting in this lifetime, like a body of love, I want to create a body of love instead of body of pain. I was partnered with somebody that I was like, I want to have a baby with you. And I want this baby to grow in a space of love and pain. And I'd had a big, long history of since teenage my teenage years of endometriosis and polycystic ovaries and all these things, you know, and I've also done a lot of ancestral healing work. And what started to come was, yeah, there's a legacy of sexual trauma and my family, my great grandmother, who's my namesake, and there's some other things, other autoimmune things that that I felt like there was overlap between her and I. And the whole thing is very interesting. When you look at, you know, it's like epigenetics versus like, just Oh, it's a genetic thing. It's what were the beliefs that were passed down? What was the environment you were growing in? What are the the way that heavy metals? Did you? Did you get into what's the space the Medical Medium? Oh, yeah. What do you not try when your penises on fire or whatever, like, genital pain will get you to stop eating sugar man, if you're looking for a way to stop eating sugar? Yeah, I mean, that was a long, rambling answer. It's super, super layered. And I was doing a lot of healing for my ancestors. And it felt like when you heal your physical body, there's like a healing of the past and the future, like the timelines just get.
Oh, yeah. So I totally understand that. I totally understand. I did my ancestry. I actually hired a genealogist to do my line. And I have some incredible humans that have been in my line and I have some atrocious,
sociopathic people in my line. And when I was in medicine spaces, going back and witnessing what was available to me to see was, was free
Between, but it was also very revealing, because it helped me to actually bring that energy through the genetic line and then actually bring it up into the stomach and purge that and let it go for good. And I can feel that being cut and broken for any future lines if I were to have children, but it also has been very healing in the backwards way, which is that I don't actually have to show up with my family and say anything to them or do anything. Just my own presence and healing is affecting them on some level, whereby which they're actually getting healthier. And it's wild to experience it as I've progressed in my healing journey without needing them to change it all. Isn't that amazing? Where your presence, and of course, you're running your energy differently. But just your beingness can have such an impact in the way in the different ways that people relate to you and your family. In particular, when there's been such a strong attachment to wanting them to be a different way. Yeah, that's awesome. I'm glad that you were able to move through that it's atrocious. It's the worst experience when you have to pee 25 times a day, and it feels like razor blades. It's the worst. Yeah, that was like it was like one of multiple things. It was quite a period of time. And but it's one of the things that so I've recently dealt with a bladder infection and the body doesn't lie. The body, you know, is in a relationship where it's like all the metaphors of whatever your ailment are, are perfect illustrations of what needs to get addressed right now, where are you feeling urgency? Where are you feeling pressured?
Where what do you need to let go of?
Right? Like, you can't fully let go, like, what would then then being in that inquiry with that body part, and then seeing how the present day felt experience is like a little slide that slides you back in time. And then suddenly other whether it's childhood stuff, or past relationship stuff, suddenly surfaces where you're like, oh, I can this is what was happening then. Right? Or this is the seed that got planted that brought me here. Yeah, yeah, it's really useful. Yeah. And I want to speak to that as it relates to penises apart, because that wouldn't we were just saying about body parts. One of the things I went through internal family systems and got trained in that. And so that's usually the way that I work with men, and also with couples, and sometimes with women too. But one of the things it's been really interesting to learn and to grow into this body of work is doing penis shadow work. So doing penis as a part, and getting to know it, because the way I look at things is that most men, they don't realize this is all within the shadow, sort of, in this weird space within, it's invisible to them. But
they don't actually think that their penis is their penis. So they bully it, they basically use it whenever they want. It's this thing that effectively, whenever they're sad, sick, bored, angry, anything, they don't want to feel, that's where they go in order to soothe themselves. And so, in the, you know, I have basically a mythopoetic map that I share with men. And it's basically this concept that the way that a man treats his penis is the way that he treats everyone and everything in the world. So what I'm getting at there is it's not wrong or immoral or bad to use your penis as a means to an end or a means to feel better. Like it's not about morality here anymore. But there is a psychological aspect to this that's invisible, both individually and collectively amongst men, whereby which when they're objectifying their own bodies, and they don't know that they're doing that, they end up projecting that outwardly, and then they objectify women, or the natural world, or even the way that they do business. And so it's this using of self creates the invisibility of using others. And so even if they're in a position, where they're in a position of leadership, or they are religious leader, or they are whatever coaches, business people, whoever you name it, yeah, if there's a lack of awareness, and using of self, that often shows up in the way in which they lead and the way in which they are with other people and the way in which they build their community, even to the point where I've known sex coaches that have huge followings. And yet at the same time, the way in which they think about their clients is really just a means to some other paycheck. And that really is a product of this relationship not being in alignment and fully in integrity. And again, that's not necessarily their fault. This is 1000s of years of trauma and colonization and circumcision and all of the things that go into objectifying a little boy's penis and then him growing up into that field, and objectifying his own penis, and so on and so forth. So, it's a big topic. Yeah. And that piece of colonizing and not appreciating the resources, right, like just treating it like there's an endless supply versus being able to
will actually be grateful for the reciprocal relationship. Like we're so disconnected from that. So yeah, I appreciate you acknowledging that. It's why I work with men and sexuality because it actually impacts the planet. If we're, if we are colonizing our own life force on a regular basis daily, then how are we even capable of seeing that we're taking too many fish out of the sea, or cutting down too many trees, because we don't see the value of a fish, which is the value of a fish being alive, where the value of a tree is the tree being alive. We don't think about seven generations anymore, like the Iroquois did when they started to plan, they couldn't make decisions unless it benefited seven generations down. All we think about is the value of a tree is $125 per square foot, or $3,000. In the net. That's the way that we look at our resources. And when you really consider that that has a dimensional frequency located in the way that we treat our own bodies as men. And you look at that outwards, you see that we are the planet is suffering as a product of the way in which we're totally oblivious to what we're doing to ourselves on a regular basis. I feel overwhelmed by the grief of that. Yeah. The head can really feel that as you speak about it. Yeah, yeah.
And it's, it's very moving to me that you're bringing that consciousness into
a practice that there are a lot of people out there that are just teaching guys, semen retention practices, so that they can have more orgasms and their sport using it for sport fucking basically, I've been on the receiving end of that, and, and so that there's a very, very different and that's this is why I really wanted you to come on here. And
just a very different attitude of intentional connection, right? Like you're talking about how when we become more connected to our bodies, and we listen to our bodies, signals, and then that initial image of you in the hammock, making love to the moon really illustrates it. Right? It's like you're allowing nature to make love to you. And there was a reciprocity in that moment, because I'm sure there was energy that you were giving back, but you feel connected to something bigger than you. And that's the bigger, that's the thing, like how do we get people to then re
see outside themselves? Right? And not only just connect other humans, but to connect and feel their impact? Yeah, yeah, I mean, that makes my head explode into a lot of different troll hits. But if I were to just thread one, I would say, what we're speaking to here is this concept of eco eroticism, having one sexuality not being necessary, not being necessitated by another person being there. But that were, the nature of our arousal gets connected back into the universal flows. And, for me, my masturbation cycles on the moon now, after being in two years of celibacy, it just naturally got to this place where that's when I would do that. And so as I do connect into the planetary systems, and not I'm not really into astrology, need those things, that's cool. Like my friends share some things with me, but more so just the actual practicality of going out underneath moon and actually having my experience whereby which I'm allowing the energies to change me, where I'm actually allowing myself to be changed by the connection connecting back into the universe. And building my messaging, building my my offers everything through what listening, what is the planet asking of me, as opposed to? What is my purpose? Is it to give more like you said, more men more orgasms? No, it's about learning how to integrate the fullness of who we are. And so one of the one of the things that's come through that's been really impactful is when you get into a place of asserting what is healthy sexuality versus unhealthy sexuality, it gets super cold to you. And so what I say to men is, the only way I can really see out of the weeds with you guys is just to say, hey, meditate on this idea. If it were the last time you were ever going to masturbate for the rest of your life, and you knew you were going to die tomorrow, how would you do it differently than the way you're doing it today?
And then go sit with that, go journal about it, go fill into it. And then once you've figured out what that looks like, go put it in the calendar intentionally so that it's a date, and then don't masturbate any other time other than when it gets there. And then when it gets there, don't just go pop open the porn and just rub one out, actually sit because we are a culture without elders. We don't have anybody that you look at these Dallas lineages and they had so much even from when they were little boys moving into this
based where they were stewards of their sexual energy, and we have no eldership, the birds and the bees talk. In my men's group, it is rare that somebody had a good one. It's one out of every 20 Men maybe had an attempt that was actually okay. But almost everybody was initiated into masturbation through either pornography through locker room talk, or through a night admission, or through a parent or somebody just hitting them porn. That's the culture we live in. So when I think about this, it's nobody's fault. If you're on the receiving end, and you're out there, and you're listening to this, and you're guiding like, Oh, I'm just doing this thing. It's not your fault. You didn't have anybody. I didn't have anybody nobody did. So when I think about intentional mental masturbation, what I'm really getting into here is
if you were to sit with that question, and really think about it, and then also consider setting, sound, massage, toys, lubes, smells, incense. And not only like, just the moment but imagine for me, it's the whole day, the whole day from the morning to wake up to the moment I go to sleep my fucking day.
That's how intentional I make it because that's where I reset everything else around me because that's where I'm manifesting the greatest potential and bringing in through connecting into that eco Radek experience. But I'm also hot wiring my own nervous system and orgasmic energy with my highest intention for what it is I'm bringing onto the planet at this given time. So that's where I lead men and men, they often come to me and they'll say things like, Well, ain't that really like feminine to do that?
We live in a culture where you're born, we're born into this binary, you're either man or woman. And not only if you don't fit into that box, not only that, but there's no, you can't grieve that you don't fit into that box. So there's no grieving either. And so we are inside of us, we have parts in the masculine feminine parts. If you're looking at most parts, they're often at war with each other with these internal dialogues. Oh, you fagged. Don't put anything in your assets, gay data, all these weird things we must outgrow, we must move to the next evolution of understanding that to be sensitive and to be sensual with our own bodies and our own treating our entire bodies in erotic zone. And not just our COC is a necessary evolutionary process. Whereby which, if we don't do that, we will continue to kill the planet and our ancestors will not fucking actually have anything to inherit. Yeah, yeah, listeners can't see me. But um, pray isn't the extra leg of your preaching in church and beyond? You know, oh, my God, there's so much in there. And I just have to give a shout out to some elders in the sex positive community and world out in the bay area that I've actually interviewed season one, Annie sprinkle and Joseph Kramer. So Annie sprinkle. If you're not familiar with all of the work that her and her wife Beth have done around eco sexuality, I highly recommend you check that out. I wish I could remember what podcast episodes. Those two were. But anyways, Danny sprinkle. And then Joseph Kramer, and Annie, are you have you seen these super old school videos, fire in the valley fire on the mountain. So Joseph started the Body Electric School, which is response to the HIV crisis. And initially it was mostly sex workers and massage therapists. But then lay people started to come and take courses there. And it's really focused on sexual pleasure without release was a big part of what they were teaching and practicing. And so erotic massage genital massage. So these views are very popular when I've worked with good vibrations, teaching genital massage, and just a different approach. Right? It's like having that extended date with yourself, like treating yourself as a lover. I really, I was like, Oh my God, what incredible training that is for them. If and when you decide that you do want a partner, like getting to have had and know what it feels like to really cherish and prioritize someone.
Right? You're not just trying to get something from yourself and get on with it. Like you're really exploring what connection means and what feeling Yeah, we'll be right back after a few words from our sponsor, the brick Institute. Many people feel confused by the patterns that play out that don't point back to concrete memories, but it's because their experience was pre cognitive and pre verbal. Understanding my birth trauma helped me see the repeated pattern of urgency feeling of panic, suffocation and hunger to get out of relationships or homes around the same time every year. And he is offering a course to help you become conscious and ready for the relationship you want.
It's called relationship ready. It starts February 14, meets Tuesdays and lasts for six weeks. In it, you'll develop the stamina for intimacy, create fun and enjoyment, release hidden strategies for repeating childhood trauma and truly learn the art of receiving and giving love.
I really believe Annie's work can help anyone unlock what is holding them back in this area. We are all deserving of the love and quality relationships we desire. You can learn more about Annie's work by revisiting episode 54 of laid open podcast, or going to her website, Annie, br o k.com. To find the coursework look under the online training and supervision tab to learn more. That's a n n i E, B R o o k.com.
And you're moving from masturbation to feel better into better feeling. Yeah, and in my experience, it's almost impossible to have a non ejaculatory full body orgasm. If you haven't actually connected with that within yourself by yourself. You can't bring that into a partnership if you haven't unlocked that in your own discovery of how your nervous system works. You haven't worked with your spine. And if you haven't learned how to sound and move energy through your breath. If you haven't learned how to kiss the inside of your arm and actually elicit all of the tastes and the salivary. All of those things are completely possible. But most of us are unwilling to be in the uncomfortability. Especially most men, if they do choose celibacy. It's rare. I rarely hear about it. But if they do, usually it's just they're watching porn. And it's not they're choosing celibacy. They're just celibate because they can't actually get a partner, you know, they're still in a weird place. So to choose mindful celibacy, has opened up a gateway for me to explore mindful masturbation in a way where, without prefrontal cortex fantasy and outsourcing it to a, you know, another person or a woman, in this case, for me, it's allowed me to open up to everything you were just saying, which is that you become a lover to yourself, where you actually, you know, and for me, it's mirror work. If I'm actually doing my own practice, often, I'm actually co regulating with myself in the mirror in those experiences, because one is shadow work. I mean, if you have negative thought about your body, it's going to show up, you know, men have a lot of body issues, the self critic pops because of this and that, and then we project that onto the feminine. So that's an issue. But the other thing, the reason why I do mirror work, especially intentional mirror work is that I ask women that say, say, Hey, have you ever had that experience where you're with a guy, and you guys are tracking well, and you're like, right on pace, you think everything's going well, like you're probably about to orgasm, maybe you know, you're both getting close. But then somehow he just either loses it or just goes for it and just his eyes closed, and he just, and it just happens. And then the experience ends, and then he opens his eyes back up. And so I asked women that like, and most women, I would say, maybe one or two have said no, but out of the 50 women I've asked, they go, Yeah, I've had that happen. And so what I say to what I say to men is if you want to actually be present with your lover, regardless of whether it's a man or a woman, if you truly want to have soulful, connected, beautiful life changing sacred sexuality, then being able to be with yourself through the mirror, when you are masturbating allows for you to not disassociate at that last moment, like the way that porn trains you, which is that you're watching porn. And in the last moment you're and you close your eyes and you lose yourself into it, learning how to retrain our nervous systems to be with the intensity of orgasm without disassociation. I love the idea of you know, there have been studies done right when you're that between an infant and a caretaker, that there's a certain proximity, it's like having that baby from a certain distance from your face, and eye contact and you're smiling and that there's secure attachment that's getting formed when they're regulating with you and when you're not putting too much energy out and overwhelming their little nervous system. And so I just, I've noticed for myself, whether it's an in person or phone time, like a video call with a partner, that just getting to just, you know, look at each other and just be able to track the little like, the their lips are turning up and, you know, having that contact can make such a difference. And I love the idea of you doing that with yourself, you know, or you're just like, Oh, I've got me. I'm okay. I'm okay. There's such a it's really sweet. And I'd love to share how Thank you. Thank you for reflecting that to me. It feels seen and understood. So thank you and I'd like to share
They're a psychedelic experience that opened up the mirror work for me. Yeah, just to give people perspective on this. I've been working with psychedelics for five years. I also facilitate psychedelics, psychedelic ceremony, mainly mushrooms, and also DMT. But I had this experience where I was with my men's group and in Joshua Tree, and we were coming off of a beautiful day, I took five grams of mushrooms. I was we were all just having I've taken 10 gram journeys fives, no big deal.
And but we're coming down off this experience, we were all just like, jiving around the fire. And all of a sudden, I had this idea. And I said to myself, What if I was to take DMT and look in the mirror. And immediately when I had that thought, I was like, Oh my God, that's the scariest buckyball I've ever had. And so I like started running around, I was just like, Whoa, it created a lot of chaos in my system, but also a lot of excitement. I've done shadow work for so many years. I've done parts work for so many years, doing all this men's work, rage work, all the stuff. But what is it that I can't see about myself? And says like, let's do it. So my friends they were they had a big long year and my buddies bus and we got the lantern, and we get out in the desert to take off my shirt. So I have my bare skin but it's dark out in the stars are out. And I have all my friends around me. Oh, you're being witnessed in doing? Yes, yeah, yeah, I have five friends holding the mirror. And I can see all their faces. I'll explain in a second. Yeah, before I went in, I can see all their faces. But then, as I hit it,
and then I looked in the mirror, it was like this man, woman, Sheil brown, black, yellow, red, old, young, fracturing. And then all of these languages that I could hear were of a different origin. That I don't know if they were mine at a soul level. Or if I was just picking them up through the valley. It doesn't really I don't try to make up too much meaning out of this stuff was a scene an epigenetic line was I see in the eye of God was I seeing myself, but whatever happened happened. And then when I looked again, was sobriety. I was in pure Crystaline form, like looking at Sacred Geometry, like an Alex gray painting. And I was like, Holy fuck, I was sober. For the first time in my life, like awake, I was like,
and everything was in that sacred geometry. Beauty is beautiful. And in the moment, the medicine was like, this is where you're going to lead people. This is where you'll bring people to meet themselves at this level, beneath the masks beneath the parts to actually see the truth of who they are. There was no shadow, it was just love. And then I looked at all my friends. And I was seeing them at a soul level like, Holy fuck, Holy fuck. Holy, moly, Buck. Wow. Wow. And then it starts to slowly fade in their head, come back. And then I'm like, Alright guys, who's next?
Tapping. And I was of course crying and laughing, screaming and all of the things because it was every emotion. Yeah, yeah. What? You feel it? Yeah, no, that's yeah, it's a lot. And
you know, I just, I feel like, it's so funny, because some people might think this is a sex podcast, or trauma podcast, and it's really not. It's like, how do you live a vibrant, integrated, empathic existence? And that's the thing, and I feel like, it's like sex is an entry point. And especially for some people where there's like this lifetime, other lifetimes, family, whatever it is that that there's been some form of trauma that you remember to the, to your path to work it through. And then and if you heal through something, you then have such an offering. You were like, oh, okay, here's the flashlight. Let me show you the pathway through. Yeah. And you know, that I can see why that experience was it was just very validating, and compelling. And like, Oh, and this particular practice is something that's important to offer people, right, seeing really seeing themselves. And there's a phrase that I like to say to myself, and I offer it to clients. But when you're caught up in something being like, I remember who I am, and I remember who you are, you know, and in that moment, you got to see it, you saw yourself, you saw your friends, right? You saw you. There's always a moment of deep remembering, deep, deep, and Nemesis or the remembering of what is here and now. I can't unsee it. It's not that I see people at that level, but when I go out in the world, I see people I see them, I feel them because that that was accessible to me. And so it's this awareness that Yeah, I mean, yes, of course there's a psychological thing where
Animals, we're amoral animals, and we're just Donek pleasure seekers, that makes sense. But we also are humans. And we do have a spiritual journey and a spiritual essence that is ineffable. And I don't try to make it into any dogmatic framework. I live in the, in the agnostic of it all. And so I love science. And I also love the spirit. And can we just walk that middle path and just see, see what it's like to be in the, in the middle zone where we don't need to follow any particular leader, we can just feel and not follow and not try to fuck or flee or fight anybody, but just stay in the middle E with the intensity of life.
One of the things that I appreciated in a different podcast that you were on that I listened to was I could hear your lack of dogma and judgment. And that's a really important quality and that I respect and value in terms of going this is one way, right in here. Let me present you some options in some ways, but it's not going to be the only way and not judging.
And so that's I feel like it's a particularly important quality in someone who works around sexuality because there's so much shame that people carry right from so many different directions. Half the time people aren't even conscious of the amount of shame and where it's coming from. Yeah. Because it's a lot of pre verbal, or, you know, Oh, yeah. One verse a little. Yeah, oh, yeah. Or we've come through a lineage of a family member who's had some sort of sexual trauma. So we inherit it. So we have that as a as an imprint, both somatically and psychologically and even spiritually. And so it's really deep to move through and process all that I've had psychedelic experiences, where I was trauma releasing for 25 minutes. It looks like an orgasm, but my body's shaking uncontrollably as I'm releasing what's not mine, and then bringing back universal lifeforce energy again. So when we do deep somatic psychedelic sexual work and sexual practice, we can actually get through these portals whereby which we don't have all of that nervous system gunk that's causing that like really stressed that stressing anxious response while we're moving in and out of sexuality, which is really important, really important. Yeah. I'm curious if you can ask answer for yourself, what how do you conceive of what is sexual freedom or sexual liberation? Yeah, I use I like freedom and liberation. I also like sovereignty, I think for me,
as I kind of tune into that question and feel into it,
it really comes to this concept of outsourcing, we outsource our pleasure to other. And therefore, there's so many other aspects that we outsource our life to, and we don't realize it. And most of the reason why we outsource it is because we're destructively entitled to whatever it is, we think that we're entitled to. So what I help people to, especially men understand is that to be sexually sovereign, is to be able to sit at a dark room, by yourself, without going into fantasy, and your capacity and your ability to touch your body and be with your nervous system, you can bring that all the way through
hours of pleasure if you want, or you could obviously bring yourself to ejaculation if you want the been able to be present with your nervous system, where you have not control over it, but you have control from within it. And you are in a state of power because you have presence, your nervous system to be able to not outsource it to pills creams or other people or fantasy. And then once you're feeling that sexual power from within, because it's not coming from the external that you need, then there's no reason why in any way shape or form that you would need to have power over another in any aspect of your life. And coming into that space allows for this realization that we have everything that we need, which is within us. And that's where we build our lives from and that's where we build a different culture from and a different a different school system and a different sex education system.
I love that. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, just imagining and wanting that for everybody. Like how incredible that would be.
I'm just gonna let that land. I'm just really I'm just feeling how much I want that for
everybody. And I love I love that that the world has gotten smaller, and that there are people like you making offerings that people all over the world can we can connect the right people are finding one another and then my prayer is that there's just this ripple effect, right. As you your group gathers
And there are 30 or 100, or however many people come together that they then bring that back to their communities and that there's a ripple effect. Thank you. Yeah, really appreciate it. This is my purpose. It's my passion. It's also my core wound, I was exposed to pornography when I was nine. And then 11, I had hardcore pornography, that was too much too fast too soon. Yeah, it set me up to be on a path where I was objectifying for 20 years, and in a porn bubble. So being free of that, being free of the energies of that being free of hooks of that, and not being free, like white knuckle. But if somebody put porn in front of me, it would have no effect on me. That's actual freedom. That's liberation, that's where I don't outsource it to anyone anymore. And so I want that for all men, I want every man to be able to have choice, and whether or not that and that's
gonna take all of us in order for us to have a safer world takes a lot of accountability. But sake, we need a little tough love, little masculine loves. If you want to drink more water than drink more water. It's the same thing. If you want to outgrow pornography, then outgrow pornography, there's a rigidity that goes beyond that there's healing in their shame that needs to be processed. Like I had to go back in time, and rescue and recover my 12 year old boy who was stuck in the loft of his bedroom with his taco box in his porn magazines, making his penis bleed because he didn't know how to use lotion. Like I had to go back and grab him and bring him into the present. And I had to have conversations with him through parts were can through ifs and all of these systems. But we all have an origin story of how our masturbation began. And we can begin the process of rescuing and recovering and reclaiming our youth. And bringing that into the man that we are today so that we can go on to a different path. It's super important, super important.
We'll finish this conversation with a wonderful exercise right after this word from our sponsor. You probably already realized that I'm a great believer in the work being done at the book Institute. In addition to personal growth courses, founder Annie Brooke also offers an ongoing training called state of the art therapy training or sta T, with an option to get an MA or PhD in Cymatics. If the past few years have left you looking for a way to help yourself and others you're looking for a change in your work or want to expand your skill set. Consider her state of the art therapy training. In it, you'll learn to work with all ages, populations and specialty groups like healing the adoption and print, get access to all her courses. Plus, you'll become part of a special group cohort that answers questions about therapeutic interventions that truly help clients change. Most importantly, never get burned out and learn the best somatic tools so you can have tons of interventions at your fingertips. The next start date for this incredible course is February 14. So apply now.
If you're looking to improve your life and nothing else seems to have worked. I really recommend checking out Danny Brooks work. You can learn more about Annie's work by revisiting episode 54 of laid open podcast or going to her website ANIEBR Oh okay.com To find the coursework, look under the online training and supervision tab. That's a n n i E, B R o o k.com.
I would really love for you to guide listeners through practice now that you would be valuable. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so if you're a man or woman this works so I'm gonna close my eyes you guys. If you're out there and you're driving please don't if you
don't operate heavy machinery by any stretch your perineum at that same time.
So I just want to make a joke because you just made a joke, which is that in my men's group, if there's ever a solution to a problem, they always joke What is it? What is it squeezing your perineum? And I'm like, yeah, actually. Oh my god. Oh my god, you get it? Right. Oh, I totally do. You know my thing that I like to tell my clients and this is a bit on other episodes already. But imagine you're sitting on a mirrored stool and you can fog it with your vulva or your asshole. Read out your asshole just like I talked a lot about the pelvic floor. But yeah, okay, cool. Yeah. So I love it. I love it. So I have about eight or seven. I'm building the eighth one now somatic practices that I've developed around the perineum region for men. So if you're out there listening, there's underneath your nut sack. And then there's in between your nuts and
your anus and then your anus and the same with women. There's actually three points as well the opening and then a deeper inside one and then anus. So those are the three spots. I have a picture that I can show you when we're done with this if you want a little bit of clarity
Basically what we're gonna do is just warm it up. So just sit here for a moment, it is a muscle. So some people don't feel it at all. And, you know, it's just like going to the gym, you don't pick up a 50 pound weight and you pick up a 10 pound dumbbell first.
And so what we're going to do is we're going to do box breathing. Second, I call it sex, transmutation box breathing. So sex transmutation box breathing is based upon incorporating the Navy SEALs breathing. So it's four breaths, four seconds up, and then you hold your breath across the top for four seconds, and then you begin to release your breath for four seconds. And then on your breath, your lungs are empty for the bottom four seconds. But instead of just breathing, we're going to infuse the perineum squeezes, and the holds with the actual box itself. And we're going to do around a four, I've found that four is really great. This has been very helpful for men who have the urge to masturbate and they don't want to do it. This allow you to bring yourself back down. So here we go.
Let's take a deep breath into the nose,
out the mouth.
And one more into the nose,
nose to the mouth allow.
Okay, and here we go. And as we breathe in, squeeze, squeeze and hold on 1234 and begin to slowly release four, three, to one and not push the perineum out and hold with no breath 1234 and squeeze, squeeze and hold 1234 and 4321 and push it out 1234 and squeeze, squeeze and hold 1234 and 4321 Push it out 1234. Last ones squeeze and hole 1234 and 43211234.
And take a deep breath in
and out the mouth.
And now just notice what feels different.
Right.
That's it.
Thank you. Yeah, it's interesting. Have you had feedback, if you talk to women that you've guided through, I've not worked with women around it. And I, in that process, maybe could have explained it a little bit better on the release to go slowly as you release, and then the pushing out that it's more of a male thing than a woman thing. So a lot of times men, they have premature ejaculation. And the reason why is because they're actually tightening the pelvic floor. So what we have to do is we have to expand and push it out in order to loosen it so that the energies can move. So what you're really training yourself which kind of feels like pushing out a poop, you're training yourself to you're doing the opposite of a kegel you're doing you're basically allowing the energy to move through the system. What's tricky with that, right, the relaxing of the pelvic floor, there can be these involuntary contractions and all say, I'm trying to put myself in the position of a man whose gosh, I want to masturbate, I'm gonna do this practice. And then that feeling I'm imagining will is that they get more grounded and present and then the feeling can pass because I feel like my genitals and cheese, everything are more activated. They're like more there because there's all this awareness and energy that's been brought to that part of the body.
Yeah, and so, for that particular one, it's not necessarily when they are trying not to masturbate, that's something I have them do regularly on a daily basis to get it up. But there's a different one that I recommend where you're bringing the energy up to the the heart space where the anxieties out, and then you're allowing the ribcage to open and then you're bringing it back down to the lower dog Tien. So instead of the full microcosmic, you're just looping in the system. And so that's a little bit better when you're really like needing the urge.
And so then this particular breath just to come back to this the box breathing is a useful practice for people in getting
grounded or in what's the two guys just put in the chat for the no masturbation challenge that in the moment when they wanted to do pornography, they went and did the box breathing, and it actually dissipated for them and they were able to move on with their day. Right. So I think the breathing probably is more important than the squeezes. But I also have helped men to work with moving the energy of the different channels. And but I yeah, I have not run it with women. So maybe the activation is different for the female body. I'm not sure. And everyone's bodies are so different and feel things so differently. So I was just curious. But yeah, it would make sense to me anytime you're bringing your attention, like if there's thoughts about porn or thoughts about anything, and you bring your attention lower in your body.
You're bringing your attention to something else. You're redirecting. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much. He will we can continue our conversation offline. Thank you so much for joining us, everybody. And how can our listeners find you? My website's still being developed. So right now just on social media would be great. So on Facebook, Tyson Adams, same with Instagram, Tyson Adams with two underscores Perfect. All right. Take care.
Thank you.
Thanks for joining us today, you make this possible. In order to support the podcast I've started a Patreon where I plan to release exclusive content you won't be able to find anywhere else online. I'll be offering meditations more in depth exercises that relate to specific episodes. Behind the scenes info about the interviews and my personal life. You can find my patreon@www.pa T ar e o n dot CLM backslash la ID OPN pod C A S T to learn more about how you can support our community. Another way you can support the podcast is by reading, reviewing and sharing it with friends so others can find our community of healers. You can also follow me at laid open podcast on Instagram and Facebook and read more about my work at passionate life.org Until next time, may this podcast connect you to new resources and empower you to heal yourself
