Just the Tip : Trauma informed Tantra with Dominique D’Vita

Welcome back to LaidOPEN Podcast! More and more I feel like I am magnetizing potential lifelong friends and like-minded collaborators I feature on my podcast. People like this week’s guest, @yestantra better known as Dominique D’Vita, spent her life as a cardiovascular RN until she found tantra and found her calling as a trauma-informed tantra coach. 

Dominique has been a repeated guest on The Playboy Channel where she’s featured as a tantra expert. Together we chat about sex as a spiritual practice, the different kinds of tantra, what tantra is exactly, and how it can increase solo and partner-based pleasure. 

We all deserve pleasure and if reading that makes you feel weird or gives you anxiety, this episode will be especially poignant for you.

Show Notes hi friends welcome back to late open podcast. This is your host Charna caselle. If you feel you receive value from these episodes, you can also get additional bonus exclusive content. Now that I've launched a Patreon, such as meditations, in depth exercises, and behind the scenes, info about the interviews, and my personal life, all of that and more is available@www.patreon.com backslash laid open podcast. By supporting us on Patreon, you're not only contributing to the creation of this podcast, you will also provide the support needed for me to work on my book workshops, online courses and additional free content. My guest is someone that I you know, I didn't know or even know vicariously through another person. And what's so beautiful about my experience and recording this podcast is making new friends and feeling like oh my god, if I were to have a party and invite all the guests that I've had on my podcast, I would be overwhelmed with so much excitement because they're such awesome, inspiring, sexy, fun, brilliant, creative humans, I would have so much fun at that party. And I feel like I'm truly making new connections with people, potential collaborations and more inspiration keeps unfolding with the people that I meet through doing these interviews. And you know, the last couple of interviews I've done, I've chatted with the people for an hour after I've finished the interview. And that is one of the things that happened with Dominique, who you will get introduced to shortly. So without any further ado, here's this week's episode. My guest today is Dominique de vida, who's a registered nurse and certified Tantra coach who's trauma informed welcome Dominique. Life is about to start trauma tension is. magic magic bla Hi, I'm happy to have you here. It's my pleasure. Yes, and pleasure is your business. So I look forward to hearing more about pleasure. Today, I'm looking forward to sharing and pleasure as medicine, it is not a great starting place. I love that topic. And especially since you've a background as a nurse, how do you see pleasure as medicine. You know, whenever we have illness in our bodies or disease, it's just dis ease. It's the discomfort in our bodies. And whenever we're carrying a lot of shame about our pleasure, or sexuality or sensuality, our bodies move when we're disconnecting from our desires, or we're repressing it, then that can create disease in our bodies. And so often, you know, just intuitively, when I would have patients and I would see maybe their medical history of a lot of maybe spousal abuse, domestic abuse and things in the past anxiety stress, and then they would be coming in with surgeries for like cancer and things like this. And a lot of times even with women, cancers in the reproductive organs, and you could just sense from them that they're very sexually shut down. They're very conservative. They were, you know, very kind of closed off and shy. And so, you know, I could just sense that it was like, I really feel like they're not really tapped into the power of their sexuality, their femininity, and their essence and whenever we shy away from pleasure or we feel like just you know, sex or pleasure is just a chore on our to do list and something we do for someone else and we don't allow ourselves to enjoy the juiciness of it. If we're really disconnecting from something that's so therapeutic because it lowers our orgasms lower our cortisol levels, our stress hormones and increased cortisol levels lead to most diseases. Most diseases are related to stress, high blood pressure, cancer, so many things. So I all connected. I just had this conversation with the client regarding I'm sure you know about the ACE score, the study that was done that was focused on so ace as an adverse childhood experiences Yes, right. And I'm reading like, there's 10 items on that list. And the higher your score is they've correlated that with more likelihood long term health consequences in adult, like children that experienced certain things will then they'll see all these health issues in them later in life. And it's intense and absurd that this isn't commonplace knowledge that basically, most health conditions underlying is intense inflammation, right? It's inflammatory conditions. So yeah, what you're talking about, you know, it's like, the more pleasure the correlation between more pleasure in the body, more ease or relaxation in the body, reducing inflammation. Yeah, it's so important. You know, by lowering his our cortisol levels, when they're elevated, it causes more inflammation. And then our foods or nutrition, like most disease begins in the gut. So I've been doing a lot work on my gut biome, and all kinds of things. But in the medical field, and in western medicine, we just don't even talk about these things very often. It's just like, what prescription? Do you need to get filled? What how can we mask? What's going on in and you know, mask the symptoms? Not really try to figure out what's causing it. Right, right. And so how did you? How did you get turned on? No pun intended to thinking in a in an alternative way, outside of what you were trained in this rigid box of training and thinking, you know, you don't know what you don't know, right? So what opens your eyes and your body to more, you know, I became a nurse and I was 19. And then I continued with school and became an RN, but I was a nurse at Albion at 19. I was a single mom, so I went to school right away. And for me, just growing up in Texas, in a small town in Texas, if you're going to help people if like you're going to be a doctor or a nurse, I'm being a single mom, being a doctor wasn't the best route for me to be going. And so then I just, you know, kind of bought into everything that I learned and what everyone was telling me because you just think, oh, all this research, this is backs, you know. And so I just did that. And I worked in oncology units and help administer chemotherapy and all kinds of things. And now I'm just like, Oh, my goodness, you know. And then I had an awakening through a tantric experience with a lover when I was 44. Oh, wow. And that was literally like the sexual healing Marvin Gaye sings about it. And what happened in that moment is I had what's called a kundalini awakening where all the energy through my chakras came up, and my third eye open, and I just started having like, way more awareness. And that wasn't my intention. I operated like, Samantha on Sex in the City. I was there only for ego. I was curious about tantra because I was like, oh, sex for longer. I'm a Scorpio for on Halloween. Ooh, that sounds good. But not for the amazing benefits really too much friction offer here. Just what I'd heard sting talk about sex for hours. Got my attention, right. Yeah. And so, you know, but this was the very thing that literally set me free in my life. And I had such profound healing from it. And I started having more awareness, I started questioning things and I went down a rabbit hole because like, you know, I was already experiencing pleasure before I met him. I was a multi orgasmic, I was giving sex tips to my friends or like the tip, she told me saved my marriage. I was a recurring guest on Playboy radio, I even played around I was a working at USC or UCLA by, you know, by day as a nurse and at night, I was a pro DOM or bed because I always human sexuality and behavior fascinates me. Right? So then when I had this experience, everything shifted. And then I started understanding the energies and like, I can't put a body condom on myself to protect myself from someone's negative energy. So it really kind of fucked up my sex life at first because then I had to be more accountable and more aware of what was happening because I was very much in my masculine and very guarded, Lulu. And then when I had this awareness, I just took a break from dating. And I took some time for some celibacy, and started doing the tantra practices and self love and pink Tantra and opening my heart chakra. And when I started doing that, my whole world change, because you're not going to change your outer world until you start changing your inner world. And before Todd dry, kept trying to fix my life by acquiring all the outside things and not understanding why it wasn't coming together the way it wanted. Yeah. But then working as a nurse and working with people with heart transplants, etc. And people, maybe at the end of their lives and sharing their regrets with me. I was like, There's nothing I can do. I can give up and come back ashen Charna, but I can do anything to change the outcome of their lives, and it just would break my heart. So then I thought, you know, what Tantra is what really is a tool that opens people's hearts, I even have a special training where I could assist with open heart surgeries, I've assisted with neuro surgeries, I can take the role of an assisting surgeon. And I was like, this is the stuff that opens people's hearts. This is the stuff that can open up your mind and have you more tapped in. And so I was like, you know, if I start doing this, and become certified in this and educate on it, then I can meet people that earlier point in their timeline, beautiful. And then share with them how they can hopefully with their nutrition and other ways avoid being in a hospital, and when they take their last breath, not have regret. How it all happened? Yeah. Oh, I just I really got shivers when you when you're talking about that. It's like, oh, this is preventative care, so that you don't have to assist on your open heart surgery. And you know, and like, literally when I think of like blocked arteries, not just from what you're physically eating, but what you're emotionally stuffing, you know, and like, what's clogging, clogging different parts of the body? And what a beautiful experience and I get it, where you're like, Whoa, and it sounds like it was very much a spiritual awakening for you. Definitely. And a reorienting, it was everything for me. And that put me down the rabbit hole like Alice in Wonderland. So then I began to question everything, because I already was having peak states of pleasure, and multi orgasmic. But when I had this move on, not with this person, and I was able to experience prolonged states of ecstatic lives for a period of hours, like that was something I had never experienced before. And I was just like, wait, I realized that the pleasure I'd experienced before is like, the tip of the iceberg. But there were so much more possible for me that I never even would have Fathom was possible. I was, like, so many people don't know this. And porn dumbs us down as to what our full potential is, right? And so for listeners who don't know what Tantra is, and what you're talking about when you talk about, like pink Tantra, or can you say a little more about all of that, I'd love to, I'd love to. So Tantra is just ancient wisdom and practices that originated in India, the Sanskrit word means a weaving or looming, bringing things together. And what I love about it is it really helps us to, you know, get out of our overthinking minds, and then drop into our bodies using the five senses. So then we really can connect and feel so much pleasure. But in our society, we've been programmed, we've been conditioned to believe that our values of person is based on how much backs we can have in our brain that can then turn over to how much external power we can have or money we can have and have status symbols like that. That's everything. So we're so conditioned to remember a bunch of things and think that this defines us that our mind binds us right. And then when we're overthinking, we're under feeling. And so with Tantra, you're actually able to experience more pleasure. But Tantra helps you have better sex, that that's not even what its intentions are for. Initially, this was done by males wasn't supposed to be done by females, that we're wanting to get more to elevated states of consciousness, and more what you will cut almost like Christ consciousness that when you're vibrating at a frequency, like the emotional frequency scale of like, 700, of like bliss and enlightenment, like maybe a Buddhist monk that's been meditating for hours on the side of the mountain, you know, and is going to reach those kinds of states. And so they would use these practices to unlock within them, their chakras and their energy centers to elevate their energy for expanded consciousness and self actualization. Now, once you know how to really tap into the power of yourself, and you're very self aware, and you can be fully present with yourself, and be meditative for a long time, you become a better lover, because you can actually be more present and connected to someone else. Once you master this within yourself. For sure. The byproduct is better sex, but that's not the intention of it. Yeah, yeah. And then specifically there, white Tantra, pink Tantra, do you want to talk a little bit? Yes. Why Tantra goes into like breath work, whether it's just also called pranayama, mantras, Yantras, mantras, just things that you're saying that unlock things. Mudra is how you hold your hands, which is important because even I believe the neocortex in our brain and our hands are the same cells before we start to differentiate. So when we do hold different positions with our hands, we're actually making a powerful connection with our brains to which is so interesting, and then pink taunt. Read focuses on the heart chakra and self love. Read Tantra is more that passionate things like with self pleasure practices or with a lover. And then a neat another meal form of Tantra is black Tantra, which actually infuses elements of kink and BDSM with the energetics of Tantra. And I want to go back to the white Tantra real quick, the meditation practices are so key, because our brain is our largest sex organ. Yes. So for males, the longer you can stay in a meditative state, the longer you can last and Beth, for females, the longer we can be a meditative states, the easier it is for us to have orgasms. And then breathing the breath work helps to intensify the pleasure and help us have full body orgasms. So all these practices are so amazing. And I'm going to share I think you'll find this so fascinating. The three main tenants of tantra are breath, sound and movement. Yeah. And now that I'm in this program to get my master coach certification, and being trauma informed, there are three main things to support healing trauma, are breath, sound and movement, and then follow with some other pleasure practices, which can be humming, or other things. But you know, with self pleasure, that's a pleasure practice to well, and also with regulating the vagus nerve humming, you know, so there's yes, there's a lot of crossover. And it was interesting, because you hadn't mentioned sound and I was about to ask, because vibrate, you know, making sound and creating that vibration. And given result, the so much of our bodies are water, right? you've ever had a singing bowl, and you've played it, and then you put water in it, and then all these patterns appear and the water starts jumping in the bowl. Yes. And it's like, that's what we're doing with our own bodies, when we make sound during during masturbation or sex of the partner, or just hum a song or like sing a chant in church or whatever, you know, wherever you are, right? Yes, because our bodies are 70% water. I always love that study by Dr. Emoto, as well. Mm hmm. Like our self talk is so important, because what we're saying impacts water and um, we're mostly water. It's important. What we're saying to ourselves are our thoughts too, right? If you're another thing is found is like a thief. And it steals attention from your body. But I love what you just shared, I'm loving. And I'm curious, who are you studying with in terms of the trauma work that you're doing? Like, what's that background? Yeah, that's a great question I'm, I'm working with there's a new program called elementum. It's in the second year now and it's with Christine Hassler. She has like a master's degree in spiritual psychology. And she was on a board in Santa Monica at the college for a while, but she's here and often now. And then her husband's Stefanos. And then there's Alexei pianos, and she's the master coaches. Well, she's just stellar. And then her husband, Preston Smiles. So there's four master coaches with a combined experience of 50 years. And they're just like, you know, more coaches need to be trauma informed and really understand, as we're guiding our clients, because our clients aren't going to be able to learn what they're coming to learn if their nervous systems are dysregulated, or their brains are in a reactive state. And we also need to be aware of they're starting to go into traumas response, how to safely bring them out of it. Absolutely. So I really am so thankful that they created this program, and I'm halfway done. And it has literally changed so much for me. Oh, that's great. And so I'm curious to hear more about, like, what have you experienced on a personal level, as well as what you've seen with your clients around how that's allowing your system or their system to be more receptive to pleasure and to other things? That's a great question. Well, you know, I have a past where my mother was always very depressed. And, you know, trigger warning, she had suicidal depression, and ideation. And she was alcoholic. So I chose not to drink, because I wasn't going to have my kids be around that. But then I noticed later, they were still having to do with how I would respond, like very angry outbursts, because I was never shown how to kind of regulate or how to respond to things in a different way. So I was like, Wow, I'm sober, but I'm still having those same bad behaviors gray one. And so I noticed another thing is that I wouldn't really show my sadness a lot. And recently now that I've been in this program, I had a big heart to heart with my oldest daughter who's 35. And she said, When I finally like, sat with her Incredibles for a long time about things that we had experienced together afterwards, she says, you know, you never really let me see you sad, and I hadn't really thought about that. And I realize, oh, wow, I think my mother sadness was so scary for me. I wouldn't let my daughter see that even though I'll let them see anger or have to do. And then that made them feel this disconnection of like, is she like a real person? Why isn't she sharing that emotion with? Right, right? And, and then also I imagine like, then there's the sense of how much capacity does she have to hold my sadness. And that's the other thing I have learned, like I was in another program where Preston Smiles, who's created elementum. And that really took my business off to where I was able to leave my 30 year career as a nurse and just go all in with my coaching. So I trust him. But I'm also from an older generation, because my mother was born in 1933. So for me, going to get therapy or something was, you know, like, you don't want to be labeled as crazy or something. There's still such a stigma now. But for me growing up, and when I was younger adult, I was legit, like, No, I'm not gonna go to therapy. And, like, Contra was my gateway drug into K therapy event, you know, so it was so helpful for me. But then my coach Preston says, you can only meet your clients emotions as deeply as you've met your own right. And I was like, Okay. And I knew there were some things I had been afraid to unpack for myself. And so in this program, they they put us through it, because there's just like, you have to be a clear channel, you have to first do all this work in these processes on your cell. So you can be a clear vessel. So you're stuck, you're not projecting or having that come into play as you're guiding your client is such a mind blowing thing. Right. And, and so that was so helpful. And so it's been a beautiful journey. And I just, you know, I cried so much easier. Now, I feel like I was this also the iceberg. I feel like inside it was like this glacier. And now I'm just slowly melting. And the tears just flow, and I just let them flow. And so I tell my kids, Oh, it's okay. I just cried. I know, it's all good. It's because it releases cortisol. And it sounds annoying. And one of my clients, I was coaching her for about three, three session, I had three sessions were like a month and a half, before I started that program. And then after I started that program, and I was still coaching her, she says, Oh, my goodness, you are really really great as a coach before very authentic, but your level of authenticity, and how are you showing up? Like she's like something big as changing on you. And then the next sessions got to be that much more powerful. Well, that was really great to see. But yeah, it's just now I'm just thinking, Why was I so afraid to say Spock with this, it's so freeing for me, it's like all this, the baggage is literally baggage. It's like, I've been carrying all this crap around with me. Yeah. And so I'm so glad that I'm like, oh, no, I can set that down and unpack this. Yeah, and I don't have to continue my life with that baggage. Well, I mean, you know, it makes so much sense. It's, I think, a common thing where you see, you have a depressed parent, and you go, I don't want to be that and I don't want to have that kind of impact on my kid. So I've just got to take this, you know, any kind of representations of sadness and keep them from being visible, and I've just got to stuff those feelings. And what you don't realize is the amount of permission you grant people when you are a range of emotions, when you show, you know, a range of human emotions and expression, and, and then you're able to hold all of your clients and all the shades that they show up. When you have that capacity in yourself, that's beautiful. Exactly. And then I don't have to feel uncomfortable in their discomfort, I can sit there as if we hold space. Totally, right. You don't have to feel it's like if you're tightening down in your energy system, because of the emotion that's arising in them. You're, you're shutting something down, that you can use to feel into what's happening for your client, but also create spaciousness for your clients. When I'm when I saw how powerful this was, I was just like, I should just put, do my branding different and maybe I should say something, or when I do a broadcast, that should be trauma, tantra or something, I'm connect those and I was like, no, no, no. Because probably you might scare people away that are also afraid to face their trauma and things like this. Yeah, you know, sex does sell. So it's like, alright, you want this and I know initially that was my interest too. But while we're here, we're gonna have some ask some really deep questions and see what else was holding you back? And what are their patterns and just doing a holistic 360 approach with my clients because everything touches everything, right? But, you know, I don't want to really push that I can say it as a little by thing, but not the main headline of what I do is because some people really resist that but we need To do this work? Yeah, you know, you have probably had a similar experience where, I mean, there are people who absolutely come to me because I'm a trauma therapist, and a sex therapist, people will come and they want to focus around their sexuality. But, and I could have things that directly focus on that. But the reality is that there is so much more, they have to do these little micro steps towards connecting with their partner sexually. Because if you can't tolerate your partner's just energy, because your nervous system is so dysregulated, right. And so kind of let's bring the conversation kind of back to that, right. I was asking you like, well, in doing this work around nervous system regulation, what what else have you seen? Or how have you seen it help your clients and talk to your work? You do? Yeah, I just understood that this nervous system thing and us being dysregulated is the reason why most relationships and marriages have challenges and that people aren't turned on by one another, they're not meeting each other having the desire that they used to have, because they're getting activated or triggered by their partners, even subconsciously, they may not be aware, or they don't even know how to calm their own nervous system. So there may be they're like in a victim mindset, and they're just blaming the partner. So for people just have this awareness. I'm just like, why isn't this taught in schools like this should be very basic things or supporting young children on how to regulate their nervous systems. And we would show up in the world, in a much different way. And the world responds to you so much differently, because you know, like attracts like, and our vibration, how we show up, or the energy that we show up in a room can be felt we can shift the energy in the room with our energy move, who are we going to be like Pigpen, on Charlie Brown with this little black cloud of like, yuck, floating around us everywhere we're going. I'm curious, a common theme that shows up with my clients, there are times when I'm working with couples, and taking sex off the table, that that penetration or being directly sexual is not an option because of a history of trauma. Right. And so for a period of time, needing to teach embody boundaries and setting certain things up and just reintroducing like, you know, what are other things? What are the things on your Yes? List? What are the things on your maybe less word things on your absolutely never list right now, because this will change. But right now, you know, give your partner some things in ways that they can approach you that feel safe. And I'm curious how Tantra has played a role in that around safe sexual or leisure based interactions for people who have a history of trauma where explicit sexual interaction is not an option at the time, such a great question. And the reason I also wanted to go into this program and be trauma informed is when you are coaching sites or teaching supporting people with sex, so many people have had some type of trauma, it's so common in our society. So I knew I needed to have these skills and this awareness. Now I have one client, that his nervous system has been very dysregulated. He's been in the corporate world, and snots preventing presenting with some irregular heart rhythms and things like that, because he's been so stressed and go get it also, he's very shied away from his masculine energy, because he's seen such, you know, I'm not going to say really, I don't think it's a toxic masculine, I just think it can be males that are in a toxic energy. And then we think like, oh, well, if that's what it man is, like, the old patriarchal way of being, a lot of men are like, I don't want to be like that. So then they just totally pull from their masculine. So now I'm in guiding him into, like, embracing his masculine energy. And, and having him be aware, too, that his wife, sometimes if she's, like, more nagging at him, or nitpicking, or testing him, it's because she doesn't really feel sure of him. Because he's not really standing fully in his power. So she's like, taking on a lot. And if he wants her to be able to relax and surrender and be at ease, he kind of needs to, you know, step up in that way, like in a healthy way, just create safety. So I've been guiding him on his nervous system, and his wife has some trauma from when she was younger, and you know, they're in their 60s. Right. And so, she was shying away from sex and intimacy that as he has been regulating his nervous system and changing his energetic the way he's showing up. Yeah, now all of a sudden, they're missing, the passion is returned. And it's better than it's been in decades and you'd like now I can see that my nervous system also was a lot of the reason that my wife was, you know, it was a repelling energy for her because it did feel safe. Right beautiful. Oh, yeah, so creating that safety, what's so important their safety first, like safety and then connection, and people try to skip over the safety piece and try to force connection with self or others, right? Yes, so true. So yeah. So, you know, also, when I work with my male clients and female clients, I want to guide them to having a beautiful relationship with themselves. Because you know, you are your longest lasting relationship from your first breath to your last. And we need to work on the relationship with ourselves, see what our intimacy blocks are. And, and have more of an awareness of what we're wanting, instead of just saying, Oh, it's, this is wrong with my partner, or I need to do this or I just need to be amazing at the sex position. Right? Totally. Yeah, that's the foundation we start with. And then I start adding in the other skills because I'm also not trying to teach people how to be you know, like, Casanovas or Heartbreakers, either with this wisdom? I drew like, alright, you know, let's get your heart online. Yeah. First the hard on and then the hard on. Yeah, and, and then along those lines, like thinking about vulva bearing body, folks, you know, self pleasure and self love practices and focusing on you know, being like your own best lover, what are the ways that you work with, with them. I really try to encourage them to let go, especially sometimes I'll work with women and they're not able to have orgasms, or they can have orgasms a lot, but not with penetrative sex, or with a partner, because they're being too self conscious or worried about what they're looking like, or having some kind of shame about it. And getting in their heads again, too much instead of really tapping into their bodies. And so one thing that I just encourage them just start to enjoy the journey, just enjoy the intimacy don't have at the sole goal related on an orgasm, and also males or, you know, anatomically male. At birth, there can be a lot of pressure for them, sometimes they're so enthusiastic about wanting to give the woman an orgasm actually can put pressure on her female, and then it's actually blocking it. So it's just like, let go of that and just have that connection. Take the time and toys if you want, you know, and just take your time with it and really have like a sex, flirtation, do pleasure mapping, and do other things and just kind of go slow with it and have that intimacy. And I love that you're saying like taking the sex birth of penetrative, or even off the table for a while and getting into the sensuality and really connecting with that person. So often, we can have sex with someone on a skin to skin superficial level, you know, or females, we're very intuitive, we can sense if a man it feels like they're just masturbating inside of our bodies, and they're not really connecting with us. Mm hmm. And so you know, just knowing those things, and then guiding them into meditative practices, breathwork practices and things to increase the blood flow to their sex organs, and help them tap More into their pleasure and letting go of shame. And just slowly, just slowly the unfolding of it all and not feeling pressure, because I'm like, You're sometimes they're treating the bedroom, like a lab experiment, I'm just like, you're way too over. Focusing on this, you're putting so much pressure on it, you can't do that. Like to me like an orgasm, a female orgasm, it's like water, you can't doesn't grip water and hold that it just goes through your fingertips, you got to just create a safe space and like you're holding your hands and to hold a cup of water, just be in a safe space to receive, then hold that and create safety and trust. And then things can flow in a different way. And also Volvo owners, if they're so conscious about how they look in bad, you know, inviting their lover to use a blindfold or something so that then they're not worried about how they're looking. And they can be more in involvement and playing with things like that can be really amazing as well for meditation practices, because that's going to help. Yeah, yeah. And it sounds like you really, you just gave a great range of ways that you work that you know, some of that or is solo practice, and some of that is partner based practice. And I think it's, it's a really important thing to and it's tricky, and maybe you've seen this in working with women, and I've, you know, I've had a practice for 20 years that my female clients rarely do masturbation homework, while men will totally take it on. Right and that a lot of that is conditioning, shame, anxiety, and, and not a lot of being able to open and feel safe with another person and understand your body starts with you. And definitely does you have to work at your own pace though, right? So it's really like not being attached or having an agenda as a practitioner. Right. You Even if they want a certain outcome, realizing that they're putting the brakes on for a reason. Yes. And one thing I even tell my male clients is, you know, if they're if their wives or their design more sucks, I'm just like, well, what can you do to help? Or around the home? Can you have Instacart, deliver the groceries? Can you have someone else come and help with tidying up the house or doing things because women still do a lot of the emotional labor work in the home and nurturing of the children a lot. And I think sometimes, you know, the division of the tasks still isn't always even I think men sometimes are unaware. And if a woman or if any person is exhausted, and they don't even have time for self love, or to, you know, to give to themselves, and they're just, you know, they're operating on empty on fumes all the time, then when their lover comes up to them is like, Hey, you want to fool around a house sex, like, hello, I don't even give myself the time and attention I need, do you think I'm gonna make time for you, I am exhausted Calgon take me away, I cannot. And so I'll say you know, just do things. And do those things and allow her to have time because women, we often think that again, our pleasure, something for someone else. And so when I work with, you know, my, my Volvo owners, the clients, I will say, whenever you're masturbating or self pleasuring, I want you to take more time with yourself. Because even when women do this, they'll give themselves a quickie, because we understand our bodies really well, there's a, we have a long to do list of a lot of things that we're taking on trying to be Wonder Women, which we need to let that shit go. And, you know, I'm just like, remember, if a lover was to take that little time with you, you won't be offended. But literally your body is like, why are you rushing me? Why are you not taking your time with? You know, why is pleasure is it just something you're thinking of doing for your lover, or, you know, this is something you're your body's amazing, you're wired to experience so much amazing pleasure, like, enjoy it. Yeah, I do want to put a plug in there for you know, the, the people out there that have penises who also enjoy really slow, energetic approaches, and that moving too quickly, or escalating too quickly, even to oral sex, or, you know, manual touching is, is a lot for them. And that just that slow warm up of introducing your energy to another person and your heart to another person. Like, there are certain people that really need that. And so that's where I also could imagine Tantra being a beautiful practice for those people that don't realize that they they need that because their conditioning is so different, like as dudes. Yes. You know, men are more like microwaves and women are more like the an oven, do you really need to be preheated, takes time for us to warm up. But we could last vote, you know, could take a lot longer to prepare the meal and oven. And then sometimes for men, it's like, dang it. I can miss that together. Because, you know, men are ready to go really quickly. But women, we need some time, like even date night. And you know, whenever we're in long term relationships or marriages, we can forget about having date nights. But for me, I'd love date nights, because it allows my brain again, the brains the largest sex organ, I get to anticipate it, and to maybe take a nap or to rest up and be sure that I'm ready. So I think sometimes, as a woman, I would be frustrated if the person that I was with just almost felt like, Oh, I get to go to bed with you at night. So, you know, I just get to rollover, and hopefully you're gonna let me have sex with you and not even put any effort anymore. And that can be so frustrating. And I think a lot of people do experience that I know, in my younger years with my youngest daughter's father, I experienced that. And I was like, I just told him one time I said, Hey, you know what, we're play everything the way you spoke to me earlier, the way you're trying to help me with the kids and you weren't helping me like, all of those things this evening. That was foreplay. And you say, Oh, don't talk to me. You're fine. We're playing really begin as soon as sexist. Mm hmm. Yeah. It's, it's always occurring. In other words. Yeah. Yeah. And so one of the things that I know that you work with in terms of your lips with clients that are dealing with premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, like do you want to want to speak to how you would approach that from a tantric perspective? Yes, I would love to share. I actually have one client that biker was failing him and he and his wife were in their 60s and they weren't able to have sex. And I began working with him and he's now having better sex in his 60s with her than when they were in their 30s, because I've been married for over 30 years, which I just love that. And he has I haven't taken medications or anything, and he shared with me is like, you know, the other morning is that I had sex with her before work, we had sex for an hour, and she had six to eight Oregon zones, I was ready to go again. The next day, he was like, I feel so much power in my penis. I wish I discovered this 15 years ago, which I just love that. But he's also said, you know, now I'm a new person to myself, I'm a new partner to my wife. And he healed some generational trauma. He's like, my anger issues have all that dissipated. There's just so many things that we focused on in addition to that, but guiding, guiding them into with neuroplasticity how to create longer pleasure pathways in the brain. Because when we get used to this routine you're doing this way and that the groove gets deeper into the brain. We're just used to experiencing pleasure that way. So creating new pleasure pathways, prolong for pleasure pathways, and then sharing other techniques to strengthen the erections to increase the blood flow to the sex organ. Even looking at nutrition, there's different factors that we that I look at with my clients, and you know, see seeing what, what's, what they're caught block is, what's blocking their pleasure. And there's unlocking that. And then also meditative practice and Tantra, breathwork, meditation, all those things. And over a period of time, it takes a while. Within the first few months, their sex life started to improve. But it wasn't until about six months or so, in that everything really started to unlock for him. As far as you know, where he was, I was like, Wow, I'm like, dealing so much for my penis, like everything was changing. Mm hmm. Because we and we think you know, if you've been having sex one way for decades, given neuroplasticity, it takes a while to unlearn that, and to learn something new, but it's worth it. And then if you're even younger, you're learning these things. This is going to serve you throughout your lifespan because as you're older, you won't even have as big of a concern with that, because you're gonna have this high level of self mastering your body and how your body really flipped. It's fully capable of another gentleman that I have that as 50s that I work with. And he was like, I didn't know this was possible. My body's like, now I can send my orgasms from the top of my head to my big toe. I really love that so much. So yeah, it's important that we have pleasure and men when they're ejaculating too frequently, they're draining your lifeforce energy through frequent ejaculation. So they're not aware of that. And so this actually, these practices can help with your longevity as well. And so I've love sharing about it and just for people to have deeper connection, more and more intimacy, and sometimes I work with couples, and I only work with one of them, maybe their partner doesn't even know they're working with me. And then just by one person, I'm sure you've seen as one person doing the work and doing that changes, that it has a ripple effect in that relationship because relationships are just a mirror and reflect back to us the relationship we have with ourselves right not just say one person should feel fully responsible for not the other that just sometimes if we just start showing up for ourselves, then we can inspire the people around us just by us doing our own healing journey and our work right well and and as you spoke to earlier, when your energy shifts people receive you and react to you differently, you're really inviting something very different. And people can't necessarily was put put language to what they feel or experience but they respond differently. Most darling increases your competence, or Magnus has lived you just start moving differently in the world. Yeah, one of the things I think is important to note and you you kind of spoke to it earlier as well it is popular the whole semen retention practice, there's, you know, younger men are starting to get hip to being multi-orgasmic but what it can turn into is kind of this sport bucking thing where it's like 123 Look at me and look at you know, like they're counting how many times they can you know, like stay hard and keep having orgasms but they're just using a vagina or an ass or whatever it is as a whole to be orgasm being through and that it's a very common experience I have with with my you know, female clients where they will express feeling like they're not being related to they're just you know, like they're using my body to have sex with exactly and so you know, yay for for guys who want to have more control over their a Jackie elation or want to be able to experience and create a different neural pathway and more pleasure and elongated pleasure, but also what's so important that I want to keep underscoring that you've spoken To is the connection between the heart and the genitals. And yeah, I love that you brought that up. It's such a great conversation, what I do when I work with my male clients was I tell them, you need to have this level of self mastery on your own, you need to first start it as a solo practice. And then talk to your lover about what you're doing later when you want to try it with them, and let them know, but you need to have some level of mastery before you do it with that, because as a female, we're very intuitive. And it literally does still like, we're just an object, and you're just masturbating in our inside of our bodies. Obviously, she's not going to desire you, she's not going to want to be with you. And one of my other friends, that's a coach, and she's here in Austin. I saw her recently, she was like, Oh, my gosh, I dated a guy who was trying to do that. And every time it was like, we were a lab experiment, and he was like, just trying to figure it out. And she's just like, I had to stop seeing her, she's like, I just cannot deal with any more I tell my male clients all the time, I'm just like, they're not going to desire that. This is a mastery, this is a practice you do on your own time. Like, if you want to do it to charge up your energy, you do that on your own. When you show up with another shaman, you need to be present and know how to connect with them. Because you're doing something that can be really empowering for you. But you're being very disempowering to other people when you're using them as being the portal actually, to plug in and have that experience, right. And so we just have to, we have to just respect it, start caring with other people, caring more about other people and knowing about the heart connection. And if you're not available to have a heart connection with someone, if you haven't done your work or had therapy, and you're completely unaware, then yes, go get, you know, a pussy pocket or whatever. And just keep yourself for a while. Because women we really don't need, you know, just to just to be an orifice for you to have fun with. And I know there's women that use men and I used to use men, before Tantra when I was not aware, but now, you know, now that I know, I just share that awareness with other people. Right? It's a it's a really interesting thing I remember maybe, gosh, I don't know how many maybe about 10 years ago, I really wanted to connect my heart and my, my Yoni my, my pussy, whatever you want to call it. And that I felt like that there was there was some division there. And with my current partner, It's so wild. He's a firefighter. So he's gone a lot of threads fire season right now. So we'll have these, you know, we we have intimate time over the phone. And the experience that I have, it's like, there's no separation between my heart and my genitals. And the amount of intense even just recalling it right now. I'm like, Whoa, hold it on my chest, I feel the same both right. You know, I mean, just the amount of heat and expansion and tingling that happens in my heart and my genitals at the same time. It's just super, super sweet. And so I encourage people beyond the fact that you're going to treat another human like a human. It's also deeply pleasurable, right? It feels really good to, to have your heart and pussy for penis are elected or absolute, whatever connected, right? Like, your the upper and lower part of your body is connected. And so often we're so distracted. Yeah. And one of the things that you can't remember where I read this, maybe it's on your website, but you talk about a soul gasm Yeah, so it was my first experience. That was your first experience. Yes. That's my my soul gasm and that was everything. And just real quick, Joe want to add go ahead I had when I was getting my Chondrus certification. And I had been setting for a while there was a young gentleman, and he and his wife, they had two little kids, they were like, maybe 25 to 30. And he was really wanting to learn this, a jack Ulation mastery stuff. And he wanted to work with me, but you know, money was tight. So I even shared with him. I was like, if you'll do a session with me because I need to get hours from my program. I will legit just volunteer and like, do some coaching with you. But then he just was like, Oh no, I'm gonna figure it out on my own. And then a few months later, he messaged me, it was like my wife left me because she got sick of him constantly trying to think about in his mind, whatever he's reading in the book, and it just do like this and like being all robotic and not being fully present. And she didn't want to and like if If you want to learn these techniques you're learning and to have an amazing experience with your lover. But if you're just there for your ego, you're totally missing the point. You're making it all about you. If you want to make it all about you, then you just need to do it so well. And I think that what's important there and I could imagine the backstory, right that there's probably however long in their relationship, where she's really just wants him to be present. And, you know, versus it just being about the fact that he was like, trying to figure out, you know, apply exactly tools from a book, there had to be a lot that went up built up to that particular moment, but that the underscoring the word presence feels important. Yes, of being present as the guest. Mm hmm. And so is there is there anything else because, you know, when people hear the idea of a kundalini awakening, I know that my own was a decade long, and it actually came along with a lot of physical pain. And it was a whole intense experience, which it's not the case for some people might have a spontaneous thing that is filled with lots of pleasure. So anything else that you want to say about when you say a soul gasm? Did you feel in that moment that it was like your spirit, your soul and your body were united? Like, what does that mean to you, when you say soul gasm. For me, it just meant that I just felt that orgasmic pleasure, like to my core, I felt like this person wasn't just making love to my flesh, on the superficial skin, the skin level, like he was released, seeing and witnessing me and seeing into my soul. And then our, our energies through our chakras were like merging and making love to one another. And then this just surged through me. And I was like nothing I've ever experienced before. There was something found, but what I noticed to Charna was this person he had mastered the non ejaculatory orgasms, he already had mastered that he had a date at a Tantra coach for a while, before I met him, so he was his various skills. And he didn't share with me that he had this mastery. And so when we first got together, it was just a really nice surprise for me. And so, you know, initially, there was a thing where I didn't even know how long was a tape, but we we had sex for five hours. But in that five hours, it feels timeless. It feels like there's a time stand still, like maybe 20 minutes to an hour passed by. But then when you think of all the activities happening, you're like, that's way more than 20 minutes to an hour. Right. And so what I noticed is that I had been with a lover before, and I'd had 20 orgasms before, back when I lived in Texas. And this lover, then he was really surprised. I didn't want to have sex with him again. And I wasn't really sure why I didn't want to have sex. He was my sky. I don't know. I was like, Oh, that was great. 20 orgasm was awesome. Thank you. But I think he was just blown away. Like, how does she not want to be with me again? I should be like, my should be easy. Yes. Now. Then when I discovered Tantra, I realized, Oh, I didn't want to be with him again, because he wasn't present with me because he did share with me afterwards. Because I was worried about coming too fast. So I was thinking about math equations in my head go boy when I come. So even though physically he was there and doing great things with me. I wasn't feeling that full connection with him. So that's why I didn't really desire it again. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And then with this other person, I also noticed that when I was have sex with someone else, I'm very intuitive. I'm born on Halloween, but I can sense and as women we just very intuitive I can sit whenever this person was getting to the place a point of no return. So I would have to pull the reins in on my pleasure and hold back a little bit. Because I was like, Oh my gosh, if I really go all out with wet what I'm experiencing now. Yeah, he's going to have an orgasm, and we're going to be done here. So then I would be controlling and pulling my pleasure back at times or then slowing down my pace and stopping for a minute and waiting chocolate feel like he wasn't about to have an orgasm and then get going again. But it's just like stopping, starting, stopping starting. Well, this, this man, he didn't tell me that his body language said everything. And he is he did that also as a meditation coach, a yoga coach. So he would just keep eye contact with me of like he would like honoring the goddess and just all he was just enjoying receiving all my orgasms that were flowing. But I was like, after a while I was like, Oh, this guy I'm not facing him like he is solid here. And so then I was like, Oh, I can really play with this. And I was on any substances or anything. Neither one of us were and then I just was just Want to elevate and elevate, elevate, and that intensity chick just continue to grow and grow and build? And then that's how that Kundalini energy had that opportunity to pop up. Yeah. What's incredible and, you know, the the experience when you're a powerful energetic woman, to feel like you're really being met and have somebody be able to hold the amount of fire that's moving through your system. It's a, it's a rare experience, right? Because people get overwhelmed. And it's, and it's tricky when you're a sensitive, intuitive person, because you don't want to overwhelm across someone's boundary. Right? And so then there is that, that pulling back or holding back, and so it's so I'm so happy for you that you had that experience. That's really good to me, too. And then the next morning, I was at his place. He was like, Do you want to come back here tonight? I was up for the latter question. I'm here, finally. And so then I didn't know if it was going to be a fluke. Or like, was that a one time thing because we still 100 share with me how this happened. And so then, again, and another amazing experience, and this time afterwards, I just sat up in the bed, and I looked him in the eyes. And I was just like, I just want to clone you and give one of you to all my friends cuz I seriously felt sadness. Like I always share with my friends how to do these things. But I don't know how to share this. And most people live their lives never having this experience. Yeah. And recently on my Instagram, I did a post. And I was like, you know, being an expert or being an expert. I've done 10,000 hours of research in the field. And of all the lovers out there. I have had hundreds of lovers. I don't even know I don't even keep score. Okay, yeah. And of all of those lovers, I've only had two that understand Tantra and energetics and this level of mastery only to and that's very sad. And it's not to blame men, they just don't know. They're getting mis educated and dumbed down by what they see them for. Right. And have you had any female lovers? I have. I have had no lovers that but that had experience with Tantra. They didn't really have the tantra experience for and I haven't been with a woman since Todra. So I wouldn't be curious. It could be different now for me, because that was more of the egoic thing with writing. Which of the other you know, Mm hmm. But, you know, women, we can have a lot of pleasure. True. True. And it's so wild. And in society. It's always like men, they're like, oh, I need to have a threesome. It's like, Yeah, well, you can't even keep up with me really, to be honest. Like, we're going to add someone else in here. You know what I'm saying? Like not to be a bitch. But you know, like, right, right? You're anyone can handle having a lot of lovers. It will be more of a woman. And I think that's why society has tried to repress female sexuality so much because it terrifies men. We're fully capable of experiencing on a level of pleasure for sexuality. People. Yeah, I made a snarky remark in my head about the fact that it's like, who are the people that are actually really good at tracking, you know, tracking? Like, I guess some, some men are conditioned in their line of work to be good trackers, but it's like, oh, yeah, like I'm noticing enough, depending on your trauma history, you end up being a more hyper vigilant, good tracker, but it's like being able to hold a lot of people's needs all at once. That's definitely, you know, true stereotypical female conditioning. For sure. Yeah, sure. I love that you brought that into this column. Yeah. So I'm curious if there's a practice? Well, first, actually, I want to ask you, what is sexual given all of this knowledge and research that you've done? What is sexual freedom to you? That's a beautiful question. Just being able to enjoy our bodies and our sensuality or sexuality, you know, bringing back the wild woman within us, I think, and even for men, of knowing how we can be into are empowered with x. We don't need to just create a human life with this energy. We can create the life our heart desires, we can amplify our manifestation abilities. So many things by tapping into this power, and also the emotional frequency scale. If you look at the lowest vibration, emotion is shame. So when we're feeling shame about our sex or about our bodies, we're lowering our vibration and that's, it's shame is even lower than hate and fear. And that's not the way we want to be moving through the world. So for me, the sexual freedom would be, you know, just being in are embodying our full sensuality and our sexuality and also for even women or anyone to be able to go through the world and if I decide to dress release Sexy in a low cut something or a mini skirt, I'm not asking for anything. When I'm wearing something like that, I'm to be doing that for myself, I could be wanting to meet with a lover, or maybe I have someone that I would want to seduce, right? It does not give someone else's not entitle to just come and try to have access to me or harass me, based on my appearance. And so it's a wild world that we live in. Because men would really love for the women that they're with, to, to be able to feel safe, and to be able to surrender and to relax, that we have to be hyper vigilant so often, because some other people in our society are very predatorial whenever we are in our full sensuality and sexual expression. So to me, the freedom would be like, just really being yourself. And as long as you're not doing harm to anyone enjoying your sex life and you know, be responsible yourself, but enjoy pleasure, and stop worrying about what other people think. So that would be I think, the most freeing thing, for sure, thank you. And so would you guide our listeners in practice. And I know that you've mentioned breath practices, and we talked about a long gating, you know, pleasure practices, we talked about so many different things. So if there's something that you have in mind that you think would be beneficial, I would love to hear that. I'd love to share. So one thing that I guide my clients on is something called a cosmic breath. And whenever you do this, you're just going to have your hands allow them to rest in your lap or on your thighs with the palms facing up just in the receptive mouth. And then what you're gonna do is just take a long, slow, deep inhale through your nose, allowing your belly to expand with air like a balloon. And a long, slow, deep exhale through your mouth. Gently relaxing your belly towards your spine. long, slow, deep inhale through your nose. Long, so deep exhale, your mouth. Just started this if you're driving. long, slow, deep inhale through your nose. long, slow, deep exhale through your mouth. And then just continue to breathe at a pace that's most comfortable for you. The invitation is for each inhale and exhale to the longer, slower and deeper. And also close your eyes because where your attention goes energy flows. So we want to bring this energy one of remain attention and five inward and then use even start to relax your forehead go have any tension in your forehand. Relax your eyebrow through eyes. And soften the muscles cheer they soften your lips. Now allow your tongue to fully relax. And then just let go of any tension you're holding in your jaw. Continue with a nice, long, slow, deep breaths. Now relax from your neck, down your shoulders, your arms, your forearms, all the way out your fingertips, your arms are fully relaxed. Now relax for Marish shoulders down your torso through to your thigh. Now relax from your thigh, down your legs, your feet all the way through your toes your body's fully relaxed. You may notice some tingling sensations in your hands. It's just as your body energetically connecting and dropping into your body. You can do this breath and always just guide with a breath not always with all the muscle relaxation steps but just even doing the cosmic breast or key moment before you meditate where you self pleasure when you have sex with a lover will help you to start dropping in and connecting to your body and you can experience more pleasure without special someone and the special someone can always be you as well. Now whenever you do your sub pleasure rituals I want you to also do something where you're prolonging that slasher. So it's almost like the edging, so either male or female. You know, how long do you allow yourself to experience pleasure, even males like a masturbate that they can do that also very quickly. So if you're thinking on a pleasure scale with zero not being turned on 10 Being work Asmik be somewhere around a five, and then coming up to a seven, eight, kind of going back between five and seven. Because if you stay at seven for too long, pretty quick ads can be eight 910. So just see how long you can play in that space of pleasure. And when it starts to get higher, the higher seven and slow down the strokes and breathe, take some nice deep breaths and to allow that pleasure to move through your body. And just allow yourself to luxuriate in that pleasure. And then I'm going to add in one more thing to this, as your pleasuring, imagine that from your sex organs, from your penis, from your fussy from that to the top of your head, that there's a straw and tundra, it's called The Sanskrit word is a sunnah naughty where the chakras are. But it's also known as the inner flute, but we just for ease of purposes, you don't have to believe in all the chakras, this really works, you're gonna imagine a straw or you're just gonna breathe deeply from your sex organs all the way to the top of your head, even if you need to use one hand and touch the top of your head for tactile stimulation to remind you. So as you're having this pleasure, and this pleasure is building up, I want you to breathe it all the way from the front side of your body, from your sex organs to the top of your head, and then just imagine we exhale like a waterfall that it just drops down through your backside, and circles around, and Taoist practices is called microcosmic orbit. You just want to allow this pleasure not to only stay concentrated in your sex organs, you want to allow it to come up in through your heart space, up through your throat all the way to the top of your head. And that way, you can have like full body orgasms, that all of your cells, all of your organs can benefit from the health benefits against pleasures medicine, you can have during your pleasure practices. You could also do this with a lover. Just invite them, breathe deeply, and invite them to breathe deeply with you. And you can have better orgasms and a deeper connection. So that's what I wanted to share for today. He did a follow up. Thank you. That's great. And are you encouraging people to explore manual without toys exploration, and instead of using vibrators and dildos and pocket, pussies, etc. And without external visual stimuli, like you know, movies and photos and things like that, or allow allowing themselves to include all of that. I want them to have a variation to change things up. You know, that way you can have a different experience. And also, if you're going to watch porn, be sure that it's ethical porn. And for males, there's been studies that show that when men watch porn, there's an increased incidence of erectile dysfunction. And it changes how you're able to have sex with your partner. And I've done a video on YouTube where I share more on this, but ethical porn and then using even if you want to use a toy, I love toys that are made of crystals, like the crystal wands, or even for males or females, they have, you know, the butt plugs that are made of crystals because those crystals are going to support your energy centers in your body and they have these healing properties to them. And you can look whenever you're buying like do I want to add Amethyst or Rose Quartz helps with the heart chakra things that play around with but also just using your hands and some really nice lube and changing it up and and for males not to use such a super strong grip. Because they're desensitizing in a way because when a woman when our pissy is like super dripping wet and we're having all these orgasms we can be tired but we're not going to have the same breath. So for them to even change the stimulation to not such a strong grip and to change that and then sometimes if you want to add a toy in to do that, but just to know I I've heard and I'm curious what you're finding i i used to be concern that there would be a decent civilization with toys so I usually would not use vibrator As I just recently won't use them on occasion, but then I've also seen some studies that also say, or researchers saying, well, it's almost like as if you're using a chainsaw for a while, when you first start using it, your arms gonna feel a little numb and weird that within 24 to 48 hours, the sensation, it's all good to recalibrate. So I'm curious what your findings are with that. Yeah, you know, it's an interesting topic. So I worked at good vibrations in my 20s. And so I know a lot about vibrators and different kinds. And, you know, back then, I still actually, like the dual plugin vibrators that were the main sellers were the wall coil, which was more concentrated and focused, intensity, very intense. And then the Hitachi was like, covers a larger area, and is also very intense. And then there's other kinds of vibrators that are like that are buzzy or, or softer. And then, you know, something inside you as a whole others is a whole other story. And so the thing is, is like if you're used to, like, as you said, like a very strong grip, or a lot of intense vibration, there can be a level of disassociation in your body. So it's hard to know like what's, what's just a general level of, of dissociation you're walking around the world with. And what's a desensitization with intense touch. I had partners over the years who practice which is like calming stroking, which is a very, very, very light touch on the clitoris and vulva. And, and so I became sensitized. Also, by becoming more embodied in general, not just around sex, I got to the point where it's like a hand above my body, I can feel if someone is powerful energetically, I can feel that right? Yes. But then I still like to use a wall coil at times, right? So the thing is, is I think that you can go back and forth and it just really depends on the amount of presence that you have with a particular person, and how masterful they are with their energy, and how emotionally connected right. That's a really long rambling answer to a very simple question. I think that it depends and there can be an argument for both that it is desensitizing and there is something about what I really liked Joseph Kramer's talk about, like, more embodied porn watching, you know, like, instead of watching it and dissociating and sitting down, like stand up and masturbate, like get your or attach a toy, a dildo or a vibrator to a stationary object and move your body into it so that the more that you're moving your body and the more that you're engaged versus zoning out and dissociating. Right, you're less likely to have that be sensitized. That's such a great point. I really love that. He has a website D it's worth checking out his his staff, Joseph Kramer, I've seen I think got a membership on his website for a while and I need to get that again, because he has a really great site most definitely now. You know, I'm able to have energy orgasms, I was able to have them even before Tantra but my first lover that I had was just like you're naturally Tantra without knowing what it is. or shared with me about it. So I can lay next to him and he could not even be touching me and I would have an orgasm. You know, because the energy orgasms they're amazing. Love that. And I think just keeping into the sensitivity but again, sometimes I play with toys, I think it's just you know, you don't want to be extreme. It's kind of like you know, you you know you have the it's about our intention and our awareness having an awareness of we're taking in just like I might eat very healthy. I love to go eat a true food. I want non GMO food. But sometimes you might go through a drive thru somewhere and you know, it's not the very best for you. But that's the craving you have. So not to beat yourself up over it. Just have an awareness like, this is the impact this can have on me. I'm good. We don't have to be extremist. Yeah, no, I I'm absolutely a no dogma when it comes to any you know, diet or sex. Yes, it's just like, of My Brides. Let your Yeah and like your intuition and like your body and make sure your body is a full body. Yes to us. Mm hmm. Yeah. And that will tell you what you should be doing. Beautiful. How can people find you tell us more about your social media, your website, anything like that? My website is yes. tantra.com just ye f t a n t r a.com. And then all my social handles are at Yes. Tantra, Instagram, Twitter. clubhouse, and I have a yes. Tantra, YouTube as well. And so that's how you can find me super and I just really love sharing about anything about sex, pleasure, love, and this Feeling like all of this, that I'm learning about the nervous system, I was so excited to speak to you today because this is just this is information that all of us need to know and get support on because our nervous systems are literally blocking us from living a life filled with, you know, we can have more pleasure, we can have more love, if we can just get our nervous systems to calm down and relax and yeah, start relating to our bodies in a different way. And then we can relate to other people in a different way and have deeper connections and let start living a life more from love instead of fear. Absolutely. Can you imagine if everybody in Texas saw you as as a practitioner, and let go of some of that fear? Oh, hey, I love to I would love to I've just been back for two years and some of my friends I thought I would never come back. And they're just like, I can't believe you're back there. And, you know, especially with certain laws and things that have changed, I was like, But if anything, I shouldn't be here. Because now I have a different awareness. And now I can have a different conversation and I'm bringing a different energy. Absolutely powerful impact that you can have. Yeah, all the ripple from from your heart and sure it's your pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Rainbows. To get to know you and I look forward to staying connected. Most definitely I do too. And thanks, everyone for spending time with us today is so awesome to be able to share with each one of you was so beautiful. Thank you. In order to support the podcast, I've started a Patreon where I will release exclusive content that you won't be able to find anywhere else online. I'll be offering meditations more in depth exercises that relate to specific episodes and recent behind the scenes info about the interviews and my personal life. All of that and more is available@www.patreon.com backslash l AIDOPEN. P O D, C A S T. You can go there to learn more about how you can support our community. Thanks so much. Okay this has been laid open podcast with your host Charna caselle. Please join us again next week. If the show feels beneficial, we'd love if you would please rate and review it and share it with your friends so others can find us. If you have additional questions around sex and trauma, you can submit them at Charna cosell.com Follow me at leadup and podcast on Instagram and Facebook and read more about my work at passionate life.org Until next time, me this podcast connect you to new resources and empower you to heal yourself. Much love

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© 2022 By Charna Cassell, LMFT. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. MFC 51238.

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