Shapeshifting & the Erotic Blueprint with Melissa Louise

Welcome back to Laid Open podcast. This is your host Charna Casell. I am recording having just come back from Brazil for the past three weeks traveled for 20 hours and showed up at home and I’m all lit up and so thrilled to be back at my my home appreciating the smell of Birdman Zia greeting me at my front door and my overgrown cucumbers and zucchinis in my garden and getting to harvest my strawberries and all the dollies that are blooming and the softness of my sheets and my my cuddles with my dog and my boyfriend immediately we were talking on the phone and he was like, Oh my God, you look so happy and radiant. And that was not how I was feeling while I was traveling. Oh my god. So there’s just this incredible, incredible sweetness as we dive into a whole dialogue and conversation about turned on and the different kinds of ways that we can discover what our particular type of our style of turn on is. And really, for me being the vibrance of my garden is one of those things being in the sensual and beautiful space of my home. And the comfort and ease and feeling so loved and connected all of those things. I just feel so grateful. And I hope you enjoy this episode of laid open today my guest is Melissa Louise and she’s an erotic blueprint coach and sex and intimacy and relationship experts welcome Melissa

Happy to have you here. 

Yes, thank you so much for having me here. This is really exciting for me, we get to talk about juicy star. Yeah, happy to be here. It’s I think that maybe the nation, I really have encouraged people to watch the sex love and goop episode and in particular, Jaya and Darshan has in the beginning, felt very resonant for me. And I was like, I’ll be sending my lovers. They’re like, okay, look at that. That’s me, thank you. But I really have directed a number of clients to watch that and feel like it really highlights, you know, something, it’s, it feels on one level very basic, but it’s stuff that people really don’t have that information and realize, like, they may think that they’re not compatible. But if they have just a little bit more information, they may know how to meet one another and so so like DJI in that episode, you’re an erotic blueprint coach. And can you for people who don’t know what I’m talking about? Can you please explain a little bit about that, and then we can go into more depth? Yeah, I’d love to thank you. When I explained to people that have never heard what an erotic blueprint is, as a point of reference, I love using the love languages as a point of reference for many people. Not everyone but many people have heard of The Five Love Languages how we give and receive love, right? The erotic blueprint. They have five languages on how your nervous system tried tapes to turn on.

So how each person arrives to turn on or feels you know, alive towards you know, wanting to be sexual or sensual comes up to me this is work of Jaya, she spent the last 20 years you know as a sexologist, and she has developed this watching in all of her work at fieldwork. So there’s five different blueprints with one is a energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, and shapeshifter. And when we understand it’s just like doing your love language quiz, you take a quiz, you’re answering these questions and you get given a result. Now the result comes from and the reason I’m bringing this up because you’ve watched the six love and group scenario where the result that is, you know, comes from answering questions from the brain, the gentleman on the bed and he came up as a sexual and yet when his body was given the experience of different touch, the energetic in him

You know, Blossom. Yeah. And I see this a lot when I work with clients. And that doesn’t mean that Oh, you got the quiz wrong, it means like, there is more. So, for me, the erotic blueprints gives us a language, it gives you a language so that you know how to be asking for your desires, how to be asking for what you want, what you need to be in that place of safety, and it creates the bridge that you get to seduce your partner across or cross over to them. So when people are in a relationship, and they know their erotic blueprints and how they want to play, then this is a really beautiful way to have language to invite, right to invite someone across towards, you know, offer towards them. One of my teachers, actually it’s Jays husband, and he talks about where you as a couple, you can been sitting and playing chopsticks on the piano using two four fingers under the rug. And this is how we do sex is what we do every single week, 10 years down the track.

Or you get to play Mozart with all of your fingers. And you use a whole range of the piano. Because sex is not something we do. Sex is a place that we go to it is this place that we go to with vulnerability, curiosity, desire, fear, courage. It is a place that we step into with invitation with another or others. So understanding your blueprint is like this playground. That is in the end endless. We are erotic beings with spiritual beings having a human experience. We are erotic beings, there is so much at our fingertips to play.

It’s too much. And fingertips are so taken for granted. You know, there’s so much that you can do with fingertips as you’re doing that, right. So I’ve done the quiz, right? I’ve done the quiz. And then I’ve done the more detailed quiz. And I didn’t have the opportunity to read all of the ones right the in depth reports only my own right. But so all of you out there, I imagine either through your website, or perhaps Chios that they can they can do this as well. Yeah. Do you want to say anything about that? Like, yeah, there’s just a link in my bio on Instagram where you can take it’s got the link to the Netflix show. It’s got the link to do the quiz all of that stuff. Yeah. And we will repeat your Instagram later. But why don’t you just shout that out right now? Because people want to jot it down. Yeah, sure. The pleasure studio sets the three words together. Due to the nature of my work bom bom, bom bom, we won’t go down that track. I do have a backup that has a full stop between the the and pleasure. So if you come to that, you get directed to my one that I’m active on, which is the pleasure studio. There’s three words together, the pleasure studio, and Instagram. And is it the pleasure studio.com on the web as well. And so on the web, it’s actually Melissa Louise dot world is my website. Yeah. Dot world and the pleasure studio on Instagram. Listen to is a very popular name. Yes.

Fabulous.

Yeah, I’ve met a handful of Charnas. But I have yet to meet other Charna Casell. And so yeah, so all of you, you can you can take this quiz. And it’s a very simple quiz. And yet, it felt pretty accurate, right? And then you have all these subtypes. So there’s a ranking of subtypes. And I think the important thing that you also mentioned is that sometimes what’s developed in you is, is what you’ve had the opportunity to put your attention on. And it’s maybe a hat, like your habit or your way of being like the most is energetic, but pretty balanced across everything. And I say like, that’s how I live my life, right? It’s my approach to everything. And so of course, it’s going to infuse into my my sexual orientation. But for instance, something like kinky was my lowest a little bit look like lower than others, but it’s because I haven’t had the same safety and partnership to explore, right and just like this man who’s been conditioned in the in the video and sex loving group to be sexual, and he hasn’t been exposed, right? He hasn’t had the opportunity to develop the energetic part. And he didn’t even realize that that was available to him. Right.

What you mentioned, there is such an important part.

From the moment that we conceive to be seven, eight years old, that is when our primal brain is setting up through our own personal experience, what it means to be loved. So what I do, don’t do what I say don’t say how I act, what I wear, who I express myself to and don’t means that I’m loved. Now, if I’m loved, I belong, so I belong in

In this family, I belong in this school group. I belong in wherever, you know the community, if you’re raised up in religious group, like we all know, like what we cannot do to make sure we do not bring shame on the family. So we’ve, our nervous system is treated to a lot of shut down and conditioning and controlling, to make sure that we stay safe. And these are the three things if I’m loved, I belong, if I belong, I’m safe, and are being saved means I’m not going to die, I’m going to be fed, I’m going to be sheltered. But the loving and the belongings got to come first. So often, this is what’s happening in our sexual orientation. In when I say orientation, speaking about what feels safe for us to receive sex.

Now, one important factor is a lot of safety and sex is staying silent and shutting down and not actually asking for what we want. Because if I was to ask for what I want, then I could be deemed as I’m too much, or that person is not going to be able to cater for that. So I’ll just stay silent to make sure they are happy. Whatever it is, however, we’ve actualized if we’re a people pleaser, we’ve been raised to make sure our mothers happy or make sure we don’t ignite anything. So our father gets angry, then we’re in this state of like, my needs, my wants, my rage, my happiness, my joy, who fulfill. And this is what happens. So when we’re looking at the quiz, it’s not that if you do the quiz and intellectually you turn up to something, therefore, you can’t be something else. So hang on a minute, I thought I would be that we’re looking at how the nervous system try Tate’s to turn on. And there was something else he said that was really poignant. And it did start this up to me, so I can’t exactly remember what you said. But it’s if you take the quiz, and you’re an energetic and your partners are kinky, first of all, I think that’s fucking exciting. Because many people say, one thing, my partner is not the same on oh my god, fantastic. Because now you’ve just straightaway got double the amount of stuff to play with, as well as like this is, as we mentioned before, it’s a playground. So when you do the quiz, your results are your energetic that is in this lifetime, presently. How what your body needs to try to take to feel safe. Yeah, it does not mean you can’t let you know, discover, and be curious and practice being sexual, not at all you feed yourself. First, you, you know what you need to feel safe to be sexual, you might need it just in text messages, not straight in front of you. And it might be a bit too much to be really sexual, you know, with someone in front, but you could be really sexual through text messaging. Yeah, to begin with, like finding all of your levels of safety Jr often speaks when I was studying with her, and when we’re in class, as she would often talk about her believe that as an erotic being born as a human, we’re all born shapeshifters. But it depends what’s happened in that first, you know, eight years of what we deem as safe. There’s also the conditioning of trying to fit in. And generally, I’d say this generally, it’s not the it’s not across the board. But generally I see with men, which we saw in the show that conditioning of the masculine, to be sexual, right? He’s got a one, there’s got to be available, he’s got to be quick, it’s just going to be hard. It’s all just going to happen. We don’t to put any effort into it because or when I say effort, we shouldn’t have to, it should just happen. You know, it should just happen all of this stuff.

Just like we should be able to play soccer really well, no, you don’t, you’ve got to practice. So we got to practice X. But the way that society conditions, men, generally, is towards the sexual society’s expectations and assumptions around sexuality. So often, men and women will take that on, as Okay, that’s how I need to do sex because it’s accepted and that’s how I’m going to fit in. So this is bringing back again, the primal brain aspect. The primary does happen in primary school as a primary brain aspect of that so it’s it’s really exciting because it gives you a foundation doing the quiz understanding what you are gets you that foundation let’s look at this first because if you are energetic or you are sensual, and you want to get to and your partner’s into kinky wanting to do kinky stuff straight is a fucking awesome set. Hang on a minute, I need this. Awesome. I’d love to play. Would you be willing to do this with me first, right? Can we sit this container first?

And it’s not just That’s right. I remember what you said. It’s not just around sex. It’s actually how we do lie in the office with our friendships going into business going on holidays being with families you know I can get it yeah can be witnessing a group of people like a group dynamic was like okay, that person said, Oh, that person central look what she’s wearing and how she is walking even the guy look how they’re eating their food. Yeah, essential. Yeah.

If that person is energetic, they’ve got a two meter space with everyone.

Can your yard be they did a read, it’s like awesome. They’re looking after their boundaries. Like I need specs. I can’t have you close up in my face. So it’s really beautiful. It’s also how we operate in life. Yeah. It’s so my partner I was like, I want you to take the quiz before I know this interviewer can ask her questions.

Barely got it done under the under the wire. And of course, I wasn’t surprised at all based like what he came up with his his primary was sensual.

And he said, he was like, Oh, I was surprised. He thought for me that my primary be kinky. And I said to him, I was like, you know, because it’s absolutely not subprime. It’s very much me on paper, the energetic and I said, Well, it’s because all this other stuff is more developed for me. And it’s more not that I take it for granted. But I feel a level of safety and holding with him and I no willingness on his part that I’m like, I want to explore this piece that and so maybe that’s been foregrounded, and he’s a firefighter and knows how to tie knots. But he has no background in that, like, that’s his lowest, you know, like he’s willing to go outside of his comfort zone, which I love about him. And he’s got this poetic, very poetic hearts above it. I was like, of course, he’s sensual, like his next one’s energetic, and that is, you know, but what was I thought very useful. And I liked this for other people. He said he wasn’t surprised by anything he read when he actually read it about me like the little the lists that are provided. But I think it’s very useful, because you may not even have the language for yourself to describe who you are and what works for you and what feels supportive and what turns you on. But the quiz provides a list of kind of go twos that you can share with somebody else. And they can then really make it more intentional versus just you happen to stumble upon certain practices or ways of engaging. Yeah, I love that being more intentional is giving language which gives freedom, when we have a language to ask for what we need, or we have a language that is a recognition.

This is safety in the nervous system. And I love what you spoke about where your desire and interest in wanting to go into more kinky practices with your partner comes from the fact that you feel safe with him. And that’s exactly what all of this is about. When I am fed and my nervous system is in that place of safety. And I want to bring in the oxygen, this word safety kind of brings up conscious of all IU not safe, it’s not about not being saved. Now I’ve got to be safe, it’s around.

It’s like taking a breath here to take a breath and land. You know, or I feel really present when I’m clean, like you know coming in from work. But you know, someone that also you know, this is also to the nervous system, some people really need to go before I talk to you, before I do anything, I just need to go and have a shower, I need to ground, I need to come into my space into this space that we cohabitating now my present. So it’s also maybe another word we could use actually bringing into this instead of safety’s like, okay, where my nervous system is at that place of being really present. What else can I explore? And so this is where we have everything at our fingertips. It’s like kinky is and kinky and energetic actually very compatible, because we have the doing like we have the touch kink, which is like, you know, being tied to being carved to being whatever it is like, what is kink? is whatever is normal to you. Yeah, yeah. You know, it’s not this thing of okay, just because you do Shawbury that you know that that is the only definition of key. You know, I was speaking with Juliet Allen. Last week, actually, on a podcast, I was sharing with her around a couple in Costa Rica, they had five children. And they had just left the Mormon church. And they came down to Costa Rica, to be really kinky, which is on that edge and just feel like I could see it in him more. So like it was so edgy for him of the thought of having sex in the middle of the day on a couch, because they’ve got five children, some of the children at school, what happens if the phone calls and they have to pick up one of the kids from school, and they have to go on rescues. And so that was really key. And so he and it took a while for him to be able to think that that was possible instead of shutting it off and because his wife wanted to explore more, so it’s like meeting each other’s needs. Was he willing? Yes, he was willing to do the work, but it was so beautiful. That was that was funky sex for him. Yeah, no. Yeah, it was awkward because it’s taboo.

The word taboo elicits con as constant bucks in society that’s like it’s wrong. But if we think at the word taboo as in like, Ooh, what it elicits in our body of excitement as well, the, what I actually imagined is what it’s one of the kids randomly shows up, right? And they get caught. And so there’s this, there’s that edge of there could be fear. But there can also be all that excitement in that hyper aroused state of, well, what if? Right, what are we? What? Where are we letting go of control? Where are we allowing ourselves to surrender a little bit more and not know what could happen? Maybe the kids come home, maybe, you know, like, what’s going to arise in us if we try something different? Yeah, yeah. Or do you know the word that just came to me then of that, often, it’s even looking at punishment. When people don’t go, when they don’t do what they want to do? Often. It’s a fear of punishment. Even being ostracized in our own family, this all comes down to safety, belonging and love. Yeah. So when we get to sit on those edges, and ask, is it true, we get to do the inquiry and then see where our turn on is? So?

Well, it’s so much it’s so for my partner, the kinky thing that that kind of exploration is a totally new, you know, edgy thing. And, and when he said, Well, I thought that was your primary. And I’m like, well, that’s maybe it’s all relative, if you’ve been married for this to the same person for 25 years, since you were a teenager than

Yeah, like, what, you know, what, what are their standards? And what what are they exploring, if you’re in that same kind of, you know, partnership for that long, but then there’s this thing of like, when your identity is very much invested in taking care of people and protecting people and being a good guy, the complexity of a woman asking you to dominate her? Right? And you could be this really masculine man. But yet, what does that what does that really mean? Like, you know, when you explore it more deeply holding somebody you know, in creating that safety even replace of dominance, right? Like, it just feels like a little bit pushing up against the edge of I’m a freedom and a hurt somebody first got super in Yeah. And and I have a history of all the all the forms of trauma, you can line them up. So there was a real lack of safety around physical dominance growing up. And so it’s really speaks to the level of safety and trust and sweetness, that I want to go there with him. But then that’s where he’s like, Oh, that’s edgy for me. I don’t want to cause harm in any way. So I’m inviting. I’m like, Hey, I really want you to take what you want. Because I know you’re in your heart of hearts. You’re a good guy, and let’s bring your shadow out more. Right? Versus other guys. They don’t need that. That’s not something like their shadow needs to be worked in a very different way. Yeah, yeah. One thing I want to bring to this is so rich.

One thing a lot of people that I find and because I’m in the dating scene, and being in Mexico being here, I Yeah, the dating sites. Yeah, like that apps, which I have a love hate relationship with ambivalent and hungry relationship, whatever depends, you know, depends where I am on my cycle.

But the perception of someone in the role of a DOM because there’s a distinction between a top and a DOM, right, and a sub and a bottom. And this often needs to this I think, believes needs to be talked about more into understanding Yeah. Because in the world of King there’s the being and the doing.

So being a DOM means that you are taking care of this person in so many in all arenas, not just a select few, not just the bedroom. The other thing is is to be a DOM means you are chosen, you haven’t taken that role. You haven’t decided you don’t walk in and just dominate because you feel like it. It is given to you. This is where the 50 shades grows to things about the 50 Shades of Grey, thinking us women loved that because women want to be fact wide open and we want to be ravish our body and our energetic being through sexuality actually has the layers of we need to be ravished to reach our spiritual orgasmic states.

So the female body is made in incredible relationships incredible.

You know, ways of living and out of cortisol, all of that stuff to actually be ravaged and to be fucked wide open by the man that she chooses. Or if she’s in a, you know, female relationship by the woman who is occupying, or who was taking that role of polarity the masculine energy polarity to penetrate her mind, heart, pussy. Yeah, yeah has to start up here down to the heart. So we’re Dom, you know that someone who is choosing when the feminine is choosing for the masculine to be the DOM in the situation in the relationship or the talk, is because they’ve demonstrated that they can be trusted. So when a man is writing his his or her just like, I just like left left is the most going I’m a domme looking for my sub. I’m like, left, yeah, straight away. That’s an assumption, and you’re not working for it. And you haven’t demonstrated to me that I can trust you. So it’s not even like it’s not an invitation to a conversation. It’s it. This is what’s happening. That’s exactly right. I’ve been partnered with different people who had, quote, unquote, certain skills around that, or desires to be in that role. But then yes, that there’s a lack of safety or there’s a certain rigidity, as someone who’s more of a switch and more fluid, it’s not very attractive for someone to want you to. It’s like, this is how you have to be. Right. And there is that lack of care that that is inherent in, you know, I liked the way you described the dynamic because yeah, it’s the concept of topping from the bottom, or really being cared for across the board and not having it be dominance coming from a place of subconscious misogyny, or sadism in a way that’s very subconscious. I think it’s long as it’s like really the material it has to be conscious for it for it to feel good. At least for my body. Other people may feel different. Yes, I definitely do. And I think that’s also really an incredible distinction for people to really own. Are you a dorm? Or are you a top is that other sort of the be the being there taking care of finances or taking care of family that they’re taking care of? Anything like you know, extracurricular activities, asked to care, you know, the aftercare after receive they’re asking the questions they’re checking in about, you know, like you’re creating a scene, you know, what is the safe word what needs to happen when the safe word gets said what you know, it’s, it’s not just this thing, I want you to dumb me or like, I want you to be myself, like, someone can speak you can spend a whole day a whole week leaning into setting up a scene, especially the first time or you can spend an hour or you can spend half an hour late doesn’t have to be the reason it would take half an hour an hour or take 10 minutes if you’re gonna go into a spanking scene, or if you’re going to set something up, it’s because there’s trust is already there, that person has already proven that you that they can be trusted for you to surrender, that you trust them to take you to the edge that you’ve given them permission to take you to and you trust them that if you need to pull out the safe word that they’re then going to do steps one two and three that you have already discussed to happen after the sacred. A top is the doing Yeah, the top is someone that comes in they can be the top or dominate in the physical act. And once that’s done, they pull up the pants you know, say thanks very much and they leave there’s no aftercare doesn’t mean I’m not saying that this is disrespectful. There’s many buttons like yeah, I just want to go and be fat. Yeah. And it’s like awesome. They just want to be fucked wide open. They just want to be you know, have their heads banging against the headboard of the bed and dead alone, it feels so great. And they don’t want aftercare either. They’re not interested in spending an hour checking in what was good, what wasn’t. And that’s fine. To me, it’s, this is where we also get to move through a lot of the shame by having more evoke conversations. If you’re saying that you’re dumb, but you’re just gonna walk in fuck someone and leave that’s not a damn that is a top. So own it. You know, like, own it so that you can find a bottom that’s like, Yeah, fuck yeah, awesome. You can just get to you just get to fuck me awesome. It’s just what I want, when you know, what’s your pseudo name? And I’ll give you my pseudo name and that’s it, you know? Or Or you could be in a relationship where your sex is that like it’s top and bottom sex. It’s not dumb. Like if you’re in a relationship where everything’s equal and you’ve got everything you know, ego terian and the woman’s often in in her masculine energy and the man is not bringing her out of that and that is fine to both and that works then the sex is basically going to be top and bottom sets. And is it switchable get you know, are you able to switch as a woman you know, the feminine gets a better turnaround and becoming the masculine energy to you know, be more of the top energy. 

So, the only understand the contexts of what we truly desiring because oftentimes what happens is we will we are in a culture where, where there’s a lot of shame and silence in and hidden parts around what we truly desire. So we must get in something that feels like is acceptable. But what we’re doing is we’re withholding.

We’re not actually being truthful. So therefore, we’re actually not going to get what we truly want. Because we’re not coming to the party, the party with the other with our vulnerabilities comes back to sex. It’s yeah, freaking place that we go to. There’s cultural conditioning around what’s okay to once and what there’s what’s okay to what’s okay to vocalize and share. And then sometimes people don’t have conscious language for what their experiences, right, like, and that’s, they, you know, we need role modeling, we need external feedback. We need other kinds of resources to help us see ourselves sometimes. Right. Yeah. Because often we’re not given the blueprint, as you said, it’s like, you know, what we want is Okay, so again, we spent many decades being silent about that not exploring ways to express. So then when we’re in that silence, when we’re in that withholding, we’re also attracting or we’re finding safety in a partnership or a relating, that allows us to stay silent. Awesome, awesome. I don’t have to really, you know, well, that’s, that’s a very common thing. You know, I see in most of my clients as well, it’s like, people will say they want one thing, but they’re partnering with someone who’s really not going to provide that. And they actually some part of them isn’t ready for that, because it’s not safe enough. It’s like, oh, what what would they what would they have to change in their lives, how much more they have to be willing to feel their own bodies to actually have the sense that they want the amount of sex that they want, or the kind of sex that they want? Right?

I, I witnessed that, and I hear that often, at the beginning, when I start working with clients, we do move through it. But this is about the true sense of responsibility. When I have clients coming to me saying I want my partner to open up more my partner needs to I want to have more connective sex. Yeah, my partner’s this that whatever.

To have the depth of responsibility that you are in that relationship, person A, who is having a few gripes with Person B, you’re in that relationship in you agreed to this type of relationship, because this agreement at the moment, and I use it fucking suits them half the time. Yeah. It’s like giving a client a container of communication. Oh, no, I could it did. I mean, it’s like watching this, how does that feel in your body? If there’s a contraction in the redcycle? Okay, that’s okay, let’s look at the hat. Because if you’re, if your partner is not sharing with you, and you feel sorry, if you feel like you can’t share with your partner like you, a lot of people feel this things like I don’t, I can’t, your partner is going to feel the same that they can’t share with you.

So they’re also having they’re receiving that and it suits both of you at this time. So then, is there the willingness? Are you willing to share? Are you willing to sit with the vulnerability and the courage, and I was sharing this morning on my segment on Instagram, I did coming with coffee every Monday,

Just for the title, and is at 9am. So I’m having my coffee. So all you have to work perfect, efficient, efficient. I’m a multitasker.

Do it publicly, you know, recently, I started with a couple and they’ve been together for six years. And the very first session that we did was this communication container.

And they got to share with each other stuff. They haven’t told each other ever. Six years end. And having good sex is not about a new position. It’s not about well, let’s get this toy that’s a part of the in your exploration. But if in the relationship if you’re not getting your desires met, and you don’t feel safe to communicate, getting a new toy, learning to do reverse cowgirl, just doing that is not going to bring you great sex. It’s not because it’s a place we go to. It’s not an act, the Act becomes a lot of fucking fun when we’re in the place of being vulnerable and having the courage. It cannot happen the other way round.

You have the depth that that we’re craving.

You know, people wanting to open their relationship to be the thing that saves their relationship. I’m like, Okay, let’s slow down here. And some sometimes that that’s, you know, great move and other times it’s like, okay, so if you’re not having sex and then you open your relationship that is a way to sabotage

I should explore things in a very solid way. When I when I have people coming to me saying, Well, we think we should open the relationship when we look at the fat. So what is the foundation that you’re opening up from? You know, if it’s like this band aid thing of like, Oh, we’re a bit bored with each other, it’s like, you’re a bit bored with yourself in the relationship. Let’s have a look at that. And this is I’m not saying don’t open the relationship. Let’s make sure the foundation is fucking exciting. Yeah, being rich, you know, strong enough. And it’s also Nothing’s ever perfect. It’s not like, okay, we’re at the perfect place to open it, it was like, let’s get at a better place to open it and reassess. I’ve also had, I’ve had a couple last year, actually, who wanted to open it. And once we actually, you know, cleared and we worked with, they’re like, Oh, we don’t need other people’s so they’re already blueprints, oh my god. But, fuck, we’ve got all of this year of expiration two years, like shit, maybe we’ll come back to that in three or four years time. But oh my God, our relationship needs a lot more exploring, which is exciting. Well, I mean, what it what I feel like it opens is different aspects and dimension of the partner in front of you. Right? And so if someone puts on their little woolen suit, and they’re like, this is my identity, and this is how I am and this is how I have sex. And then suddenly, there’s you know, they’re like, Oh, I get to wear punk shows and silk robes and all these other terrible analogy, but just right I’m you know, we’re using sports analogy. So this is great. Bring on the clothing bring on the silk.

I’m gonna move my my camera so you can see I’m in my closet, in my closet right now. So anyway, I’m looking at these things hanging, I was wondering where we were because to me, it’s like, I had the whips. Oh, that’s hysterical. Like.

It’s jewelry. It’s jewelry, jewelry. I’m thinking with a whips in a day, like anchor chains, like hysterical, and you’re so funny, you’re like, you’re like that you’re giving me credit for being so much more advanced. I’m trying to remember what my analogy was oh, about just when you give your, especially if you’re in a long term relationship, and you’re like, I think I know who you are. And this is, you know, you don’t get to step outside of this identity of who you’ve been, and the ways that you’ve either satisfied or not satisfied the person and the ways that you’ve hurt the person over those last 15 years. And so there’s so much less freedom to step into another identity of like, Oh, I’m actually this really soft, being in this way, or this really strong, dominant being in this way. And I like this idea of someone in a long term relationship, who’s like, yeah, we’re basically done here. There’s nothing left. That’s exciting. Okay, let’s bring somebody else in. Because you know, we parent our kids really well together. So we might as well stay together and and then going, Wait a second, actually. What can we uncover? What part of you can I uncover? What part of me can I uncover? That will surprise us? Oh, what you’re sharing about that about a couple, you know, longevity, boredom.

The sad thing about just that particular scenario is you’re going to turn around and give your aliveness your brightness and your energy to someone new. Yeah, yeah, and not the person in front of you.

And how that is, in some form. I’m not at all saying that we shouldn’t open up right but actually actually want to bring something to the forefront about polyamory or polysexual. Because we’re all polyamorous, we get our love and our needs met, we go to movies with friends and not always with our partner, you know, like we we get touched and cuddles from other people, but polysexual relationships, because that’s what most people are doing at the moment is polysexual. They’re not living in tribe. They’re not living in community. They’re not like having all of the lovers and all of the kids living in one huge my dad’s polyamory and polysexual. So having all of our needs met because that’s the thing around when, when people are talking about when we’re looking at history.

And we’re looking at the fact that we as human beings are not meant to be monogamous, mono poly monopoly.

I have all of these, like, let’s just redefine these words, because monogamy is an agreement between two people. But if you’re signing a contract in a church, that agreement is not between you and the person that’s agreement with her with an entity that’s decided that if you were to have sex to someone else, then you have broken a rule, but that is that your rule to remain it’s only when we go to bed. But polyamory comes like when they’re talking about we’re not meant to be monogamous. We come from community and tribe living.

So the polysexual the sharing of sexuality, this this sharing of sexual energy originally comes yes in our human design, but where Mum and Dad were not sole, they weren’t the only ones responsible for feeding their children and housing their children.

The whole tribe was responsible for feeding the whole tribe.

The child rearing was done by everyone. You didn’t walk out of your house and just take it, there was a lot of fluid to the minute. So when the men went shunting, they said, everyone, the man didn’t go and hunt, get the beast and come back and just hide in his heart with his woman and three kids and say, Fuck off this as mine, he fed everyone. So sharing of sexual partners was very inclusive, because you weren’t, this comes back to being loved to belonging and safety. You weren’t going to lose your shelter or lose the right to your children. If you had sex with someone else. We live in a culture where that is really fucking real. There’s states in the US that one partner can take and I know it’s in Australia as well. One partner can take the ex partner, the mother of the child or the father of their children to court and have the children removed because they’re having too much sex. I mean, back sake. So I want to invite anyone that’s listening. That this is where we get to look at the nervous system. Yeah. polyamory or polysexual.

Looking at these places where we need to feel safe first, do I belong in the relationship I already am? If it’s a couple that’s doing really great communication suspicion together dinner it’s like yeah, looking at the safety of the family family comes first. Yeah, so that the family unit is sheltered and fed and cared for if someone’s coming in you know, and if that person coming in is not going to be part of family dynamics or other relationship dynamics then maybe it’s just a way to go ah, the person doesn’t get into juice it’s a bit of a fuck buddy yeah, which if you have agreements and committed fucking awesome but it’s really great to go ah, I’m actually not polyamorous because you’re not helping me feed this is not a polyamorous relating. I’m allowed you can we can be fuck buddies. And if it’s going to move further it’s like okay, under what? Under what scenarios like to me this is just curiosity and inflammation so that our nervous systems are really well.

So I I love bringing that in with my clients this discussion right where polyamory comes from as opposed to going oh, we’re not meant to be monogamous. We’d also not meant to be raising children with one mum dad in a fucking house with three kids. And that’s it. We’re not meant to be doing that either. But we are.

Children are not meant to be raised by one woman. But they are.

So this argument we’re not meant to be monogamy is fucking true. But so is everything else. Yeah.

So can we it’s it’s having many conversations. What you started with, like the brain, kind of back to this initial point, which was giving your aliveness and your energy to somebody else rather than going How can I figure out how to light up and bring that aliveness to this person that I’m I’m committed to, and bring it to myself, right, because that’s the other thing is people are like, dimmed and turned off. And they’re resentful and frustrated and wanting their partner to light them up rather than lighting themselves up. And then figuring out how to reignite between the two of them. And, you know, this podcast is about sex and, and living a vibrant existence, right? So it’s not when I say sex, I really think of it as it relates to your whole existence, right? Not just what you’re doing with your genitals, but aliveness. Right, so I’ve had people who, who make quilts, who are, you know, do creative practices or creative coaches are, you know, at the export starts, whatever it is, like there’s a range, but it’s really how have you figured out how to live a vibrant existence? And so I’m really curious for you to turn this question back to you of where did you What was your starting place? And what was the awakening for you? That’s, that turns you towards living a more vibrant, alive, existence and embodied existence. Thank you. I love this question. I’ll paint a picture. There’s many lines I’ve drawn in the sand at different times, and the line that got drawn in the sand that started me to fully step into this work. I was doing parts of it.

My son was seven we’re crossing the Nicaragua, we’re in Costa Rica in the jungle. And I’m living in a jungle with raw cacao living this abroad food bar. I’m living in this community that everything around me Mother Nature was alive. Everything was so sexy and exquisite.

And the people around

I mean, the community, it was a spiritual community.

They were using medicine. I hadn’t stepped into that world yet. Number one, I didn’t feel safe in that community to do so. Everything’s a mirror. So I’m in this community as a single mother with this child coming from Australia, it’s in Costa Rica with all of these other people in the other parts of the world. And I was in a month where people were miserable. So it’s like placing everything on top, like they’d left their height, they’d left this society, they were raising their children a different way. But what comes as the misery and I’d had that experience with myself when I went through drug addiction. It’s like I had to make decisions to stay at how many times did I have to like, you know, make a decision. Alright, off back and we’ll stay and my thing was traveling around the world always going to another country, that would be better, but I kept taking myself as like a wake up. Oh, I’m still in this. I’m in a new country. I’ve gone back to Australia. I’m still in this. So here I am my child seven I have left Australia that was one thing I left Australia. So I’ve left Australia single mother raising my child free schooling homeschooling however, living in a jungle to humanity, and I’m like,

I’m still not comfortable with myself. Everything on the outskirts amazing we’re having food fights, I’m eating rocker cat like everything. I everything in front of me, the Marisa the misery of relationships, women being really angry and I’m like, that angers in me.

The line in the sand right then was like I, I have to be able to do what I truly want, because it scares the fuck out of me.

But in that fear, it’s the only place I feel alive. And so

I made the decision to study with this one woman. I had to change countries to duck because there’s no good enough Wi Fi in the jungle because Costa Rica is still is this place for difficult Wi Fi. We crossed the border to Nicaragua. And it was really beautiful making that decision. How I was swept up like even to us to get across the border. I had to two policemen just come to me, put me in a rickshaw, took my passport and said, Sweetheart to stay he will do everything for you. And I’m like, okay, and then they took me to the border in the little rickshaw that they called over a guy from the Nicorette. Like I just got once I made this decision, the universe supported me so much so to have men in uniforms carry me across borders in carrying my bags and do my paperwork for me. So I didn’t have to line up like this is, this is the magic of it. Yeah. And I’m in this hostel for a week. There’s Airbnb for a week. And that just across the border in Nicaragua to be in this week long experience.

And it made me want to vomit. It may be scared shitless and I knew I was in the right place. And I was working with this woman, Kristen Sweeting, Murali, she had the red tent revival at the time. And the reason it made me want to vomit, because I was in a group, there was 400 women. And I was scared shitless of women, I can trust them, us having to lapping you know, raised in religious aspects, we sweep it under the carpet, and sometimes they’re going I’m scared as Flack. And I’ve never felt at the same time alive and calm at the same time, like, so alive. And I’m here at the right place.

And I was 40 to 43 at the time. I’m like, if I don’t do this now.

What am I showing my child? What am I demonstrating? I’ve already made the decision not to raise my child in the school runs in the country like you know, I didn’t give birth to be a soccer mom. Bless me awesome. Like I got really different. That takes us to soccer. But does that analogy of like, school run school lunches is just like, I was in complete shutdown. So I’ve done that. What about where am I in that? So over a few decades, all of these lines are under it. But I remembered that was the final one. And it was coming into this container with women where I had to, I had to like just dive in and go, I’m going to trust these women. I don’t know them for a bar of soap. I’m going to trust them.

Which means I also need to hold space for them and holy shit. I cried and cried and cried that week. Then we moved to Peru. And there was no internet and I decided to study this woman so I organized fucking internet up in the mountains. I went to the city. I just went down every like rabbit hole ever. So we can’t get internet we can’t get into television. So I got internet hooked up to this place and found a way even though it was still a bit tricky, and that my son 10 Eight that time it was in the mountains of Peru like up in Otter Bumba and are outside of Cusco and the feminine of like I’ve been to the jungle the incredible Pachamama the feminine but the feminine and the mountains that held me as I fucking process and I went through and what was I was processing was was, I can trust women.

And through that I worked with Alison Armstrong in that containers like learning how I was emasculating men. So what happened for my nervous system is like, oh, I can trust women and I can trust men. Also all the people around me, actually, I don’t have to fight because what I realized I was fighting with everyone because I didn’t feel safe in my body. Yeah, I did not feel safe in my experience as a woman on the freaking planet.

And I was fucking angry. I was pissed.

That that was how I was living. And so it kept going into everything. And I just wasn’t getting what I want. I was really resentful. I wasn’t having sex.

There’s no way I was having to have sex. When I hated men. I didn’t. And I didn’t trust women. And I was just angry to me. When I say hated men, I believed I didn’t. But my counsel who when I was completely addicted to drugs, and I was about to leave actually the planet. She got me clean and sober at that time. And she got me to the point where I stayed because I went through cold turkey, I was just I really wanted out.

She brought that up to me. And I’m like, I don’t hate man, I want to have I want to have you know, I want I’m heterosexual want to have a patent There she goes, Well, you never get a pant and the way that you’re hating men and I fought with her. I don’t hate men.

Like it wasn’t his? It was because I’m so scared of them will raise and I so scared of them. That was my defense. I’ve gotta hate you to cover up what I’m actually is I’m afraid?

Well, as you said, at the very beginning so much and I agree with this, it’s so much it’s about safety. Right? It’s like how, how can you be safe in your body, in your family, in this culture, right in this on this planet. And when you have that down connection with yourself and others becomes so much easier, and that there’s not any, you know, back to what I was saying around this, like

partnering with someone who wants to dominate you from a place of, of subcon, unconscious misogyny, hating women or hating men, whoever, you know, whoever you are, isn’t, it isn’t about it isn’t about connection, right? It’s not about connecting. And so this piece of being able to be safe, and being able to instead of fighting, which is I pictured, like there’s a pushing away, it’s like you have to, in order to be safe, you have to push all the women and all the men and all the beings away. And you know, keep creating wall words or wall of whatever irritation or resentment versus surrendering and allowing and being soft and porous and allowing in what actually you might want, and it’s right there. But you can’t allow it in when you’re pushing it away. Right? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I’m glad you got to this other side and, and could see things more clearly could see the people around you more clearly, and feel safe enough to receive and then offer this work, you know, to other people as well. To that, thank you. And to this day, to this day. And even just what are we where are we right now Tuesday last week, I finished with a female client.

And it was so emotional, our last court because I got to witness her move from where I was to where she is. And the biggest thing is like to me when I witness in women, where they get to receive and trust men is just one of the most exquisite things for me like when, because I know how huge it was for me. I know there was that fear breeds control. I want to come back into that.

When we understand that. Yes, of course it’s dangerous people everywhere. I’m not saying it’s like we’re not doing the spiritual bypassing stuff. But the court like half of the planet is not against you.

Half of that population sort of we have our brothers our fathers and friends our uncle’s our sons, that was a big thing for me, too. I’m raising his son and to be in that place where I didn’t trestle like me and fall.

So difficult. So difficult. It’s like pushing, you know, pushing quicksand uphill. So yeah, giving up that fight has just been one as has been such a gift. And I’m always still working at heavens above. It’s always progress, not perfection.

Certainly walk that path. It’s like I am human. And the other thing you know, the one thing is is like as women we can make the vow not to emasculate men anymore. We will and we get to repair. Mm hmm. Men are actually very forgiving and tender, you know, I worked at good vibrations, which is a worker owned sex toy store in America in the United States, rather. And specifically in California. It started and identified as a lesbian when I started working there and it was working

With these men on a daily basis and seeing their level of vulnerability, especially when they would come in dealing with erectile issues being able to maintain erections, or their desire to put something in their butt, and all the shame and conditioning that was arising inside of them, and it really took, seeing that kind of vulnerability right up close on a daily basis for me to start softening and not I mean, I had so much fear from sexual trauma about the penises, right? And then realizing how like, yes, they can be used as a weapon, but they’re attached to these really vulnerable creatures that are just like me. Right? They’re conditioned, they are conditioned, I am conditioned. And yeah, I started that was the beginning of a long road of softening towards men. Yeah. What a gift. Thank you so much for sharing that story. That is such such a beautiful, beautiful story to witness men in their vulnerability. It’s such an honor to Yeah, yeah, I know that that one of the things that you specifically work I don’t know if a lot is the right term with but working with erectile issues and and semen retention and different kinds of orgasm practices. That’s a big part of your work. Yeah, I work if I was to look between men and women men actually may cup just a little bit more than my been my female clients, you know, just so I do work with both men and women. But yeah, I actually started working with men first. You know, what I really loved sharing with my male clients is for them to understand their clock as a barometer. Just like for us for women our policies are always telling us what it needs what it doesn’t need what it you know, that you know if a woman’s that I share this with men and women is like if a woman’s Pussy is is dry, you don’t go and grab a loop. You know, that’s not the first step it’s like ah, if she’s not open if a woman’s purse is not open is that what does she need? I’m not you know, I think you lose gets used to is to override often loot gets used to override if you’re just going to slap lube on so that you can get inside or she can receive something it’s like her body will be receptive if we go through all the right things. Yeah, so for men to the caucus, a barometer women as well, but just speaking towards men, the pressure that men have have like our lives, especially now like our lives is getting more stressed less time, less sleep, the stress levels are consistently rising. We’re not seeing a drop in humanity’s only rising. So these cortisol levels that are depleting testosterone, they’re still expecting their cop to work. So it’s like pulling pulling back the layers where we get to take care of other things before we looking at the fact that I COC has an issue I have erectile dysfunction to me. It’s a societal dysfunction. You’re this society’s dysfunctional and you’re being forced to fit into something that’s inhumane like your Cox just like no thanks. Can we look at other stuff first so often, that’s often what happens is we look at other stuff first, and that stress levels and everything. Oh, look the erections back. Yeah, yeah. Well, it’s also interesting to think about how that relates to the different types. Yes, right. Most different and if you if you could speak to that, I think that would be a particular take that you would have compared to someone else who talks about helping men you know maintain erections or Yeah, yeah, so this is yes an energetic and I’ve worked with many men are energetic it’s not that all men are sexual, you know, the energetic that needs the safety first they need a bit of space men were just talking about that the vulnerability of men is even bringing into you know, the the man’s heart is a negative pole. For when I work with men that are energetic is like having the boundaries that they need. Yeah, before having someone come to Ghana what boundaries do you need to feel safe? So that you can open into for many men to remove the shame that they need a little bit more time? It can be very fucking sexy once you understand it, so let’s remove the shame the how it should look what do you damn you know damn well what do you need for you that’s specific to you. What is your requirement to feel safe? Yes, you do with the central so beautiful with your partner being essential essential is all about the five senses and all of the senses is like living life in Technicolor. It’s like oh, the sounds, the smells, you know, the look the taste how something feels. So, for a man that walks, that’s really you know, high in his sensual and he walks into, you know, the house and maybe the dishes are not done. Like if you think oh my God, he’s so anal. It’s like, No, it’s not a no, it’s like his nervous system feel safe. Okay, that the dishes are done like everything’s finished after dinner. It’s like

Then they like the candles and the beds are made and they have a shower and they might like incense. You know, often I’ve heard partner Selma men, he’s really, he’s really effeminate. He’s feminine. He likes the incense and stuff when he’s in touch with that feminine side, but I’m pretty sure he’s essential. Like when we do conversations, like, Oh, my God is taking care, or so he’s taking care of the container. Men that like to take care of the container to make sure everything’s in its place. I’ve got the right music and man that’s really like particular about, oh, this is good, man. Oh, yeah, I just want to dance it and a man that wants to dance with you that wants to take you on a salsa journey or dance like he’s sent you. Now he’s caught, you know, his Cox going to be if he’s with a woman that sexualized just grabbing his cock, like some men don’t like having their cop grabbed. And it’s not because they’re not a man. It’s like, whoa, that’s another men fucking love it if their sexual is really high, or it’s a part of their kink that they really love. faqeer awesome. But it doesn’t mean that if someone doesn’t like that, that there’s something wrong to this, or what do you need. So when we were going through the erotic blueprints of understanding how the nervous system traits to say to this language that we get, you know, coming back to that part, where you get to have ownership and celebration and boundaries around what you want, and absolutely what you need and what you desire to try to take to turn on. Yeah, and, and then also the intersection between what your blueprint is. And maybe there’s a history of trauma, as well as your attachment style.

Is that something that you work with or talk about with your I work with the trauma, not so much with the attachment style, I’m an accelerated evolution coach as well. And with that, we go into where it’s sitting into the body, how it looks, how it feels, and we work with the charge of the trauma, and get under that charge, which is really exquisitely I’m always blown away. I love it. But I’m always blown away each time I’m still late when I’m marvel at the power of working with the charge. Because as we talked about with traumas, like there’s a sense of safety, so if someone is going to working with men that are showing up or men or women, you know, showing up with energetic, and how that energetic is, is presenting of needing lots of space and lots of slowness, and looking at what part of that is the trauma response. And when we work on the trauma responses like oh, now I feel more excited. I feel more alive. more intrigued to go into that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, into something else curious, is there are there any practices, I like to always conclude my episodes with a guided exercise or practice for people to engage in and if there’s one that you’d like to lead our listeners in, this is a really beautiful practice to drop down into presence. And you know, breathing through the genitals into the conversation of take you through genital breathing. So let me share why how this can be really powerful. For the masculine a man that’s experiencing nervousness in a Jacqueline too quickly or not having an erection what what’s happening straightaway, is contraction in the pelvis, contraction, you know, right in that area. So if there’s contraction, then ejaculation happens quickly or there’s like, a loss of erection. So my work is about bringing spaciousness and ease into the pelvis into his cart into the his testicles and for the feminine for a woman you know, with with a posse, which she breathes down in is the openness and the softness or her pussy can open because often she’s contracted with like, the touches. And so when we bring breath and attention so in Tantra, there’s four pillars, which I love about life. Attention, which we’re going to use now attention breath, sound and movement. So in this your bring it you’re going to be breathing in and out of your mouth of it. Obviously.

Also, also your your acil or your your vulva. Yes, but breathing and math that we’re bringing attention down and so that the glorious people that are with their Cox, what I invite you to do is as you’re breathing in, you’re going to be imagining the breath is coming from the universe out in front of you into the eye of your car, and it’s going to be traveling along the shafts and when you reach your groin, so I’m going to do counts of five, we’re going to do five for the inbred five for the whole breath, five for the outbreath. And a holding breath is an expansion and when you breathe out, you’re going to see this is attention. you’re placing intention, it’s visualization. See the Britain leaving your cock, and then coming back in for beautiful humans that have followers. You’re going to be doing this

Breathing in from the universe in through into your vulva or into the vaginal canal right up to the cervix and when you reach the cervix, you’re going to hold and expand for that count and then breathe out. So closing your eyes,

I invite you to check in to get a straight spine this is just say energy can move. So it’s not anything rigid, just bring your chin down slightly to say the back of your neck straight.

And just spend the first breath breathing in for for breathing out for aid land in the place being accounted for.

And now breathing out for eight.

I’m gonna do another one there breathing in for for breathing out for eight.

And just noticing how just a little bit more grounded you are. And now as we start the round of breathing the counts and I’m going to take us through with your focus.

Imagine that you breathing into your genitals so breathing in for the counter flow.

Guide hold for fived by been breathing out for five breathing out of your genitals 345 breathing in for five.

Visualizing holding expanding for five.

Breathing out for 545 Breathing in.

Holding expanding for five hours.

And breathing out for five.

We’re going to move this to six. Breathing in for a count of six.

Holding an expanding holding the breath expanding your energy for 656 breathing out for 62346 breathing in for six to three.

Six holding for six to

six breathing out for 656 We’ll do one more round breathing in for six

six holding for six to

six breathing out for 6346. And now just let that go.

Just allowing your breath to be go back to its natural state.

And just be curious. Everything is just curiosity and inflammation. Drop down to the sensations in your genitals in your voice, even your legs or toe.

And just be curious to see if you can feel a little harm or a pulsing. That now that you’ve placed a tension into your groin, you’ve placed attention into bringing breath into your genitals breathing back out through your genitals is there a shift in how you can feel the sensations rising and falling in our bodies all the time, every single millisecond.

There are sensations rising why we spent so much time in our head that we add actually detaching ourselves from our body. So when we drop into the body bring attention. When we bring presence when we bring breath when we movingly intention and breath.

We are opening ourselves to actually what is. So when you place a tension energy go. And when you’re making love. When you’re being turned on you can just breathe in and out of your genitals when you’re making love breathing and out of your genitals. It’s a shift in presence and attention.

Always good. And it takes so little time right to just drop lower into your body. I just want to say I talk a lot about this. Talk about Volvic breathing or breathing out of your asshole. And

I’m sure my clients we laugh a lot but that it’s also beyond being able to bring you present sexually. It’s also like a grounding and anxiety reading practice, right? It’s just it’s so useful. You can be in that boring board meeting and be doing this practice. You can be commuting you could be

A soccer mom, you could be whatever you’re doing. And you could go like, Okay, how do I? How do I ground more here? So thank you.

And how we do six is how we do life. How we show up in bed is how we show up in life. So yes, it’s not just about the penetration is about everything. It’s about everything. Yeah.

And we are going to wrap up and you know, I have, we could probably just keep talking and I would love to have tea sometime in Mexico.

Yes, it was. So it was really lovely. Nice to chat with you so much for having me here. It’s been so exquisite. And I would love to share share with the listeners like the speaking of the erotic blueprints, we have an eight week container coming up. Yes, starting on the 19th of September. And so this is a group program. And I’m co creating with a colleague of mine, Alex, Michigan, he’s also an erotic blueprint coach. So it’s going to be the masculine, the feminine pole, within the container. It’s going to be so friggin juicy. It’s for people that are solo people that are partnered people that are in, it doesn’t matter where you are, in your relating. We’re going to be going through each blueprint. On certain weeks, we’re also doing the heart everything that we’re talking about safety and communication, and is going to be embody, it says because we all have these different practices, there’s a coaching call every week so it’s called Boehm your autism eight week container for a group program. Check it out. Beautiful, and I would love for you to share your social media Awesome. Awesome. So yes, you can find me on Instagram at the pleasure studio is Melissa Louise is you know, and my website is Melissa Louise dot world. And I do one on one coaching. So I take people on for three months or six months containers. And it depends what time of the year and you find me I’ve got you know men’s groups programs going around the blueprint group programs going in sometimes women’s as well. And are those virtual retreats? Or do you ever host Do you have retreats in person? I do. People can come to it. People come down for like people come for a weekend or they come for a week and we we curate personal experiences if it’s for a couple, especially the erotic blueprints, couples come down for a weekend and we go through all of that are many different things. You know, we have conversations, I find out what it is that you want. But a lot of my one on one coaching is over three to six months is online. Yeah, thank you. So my pleasure. So my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. Have a beautiful rest of your day.

Hope you enjoy genitally focus breathing. It’s really such a great practice and grateful for Melissa’s guidance in that one. This has been laid open podcast with your host Charna Cassell. Please join us again next week. If the show feels beneficial. we’d love if you please rate and review it and share it with your friends so others can find us. If you have any additional questions around sex and trauma you can submit them at charnacassell.com Follow me at Laid Open Podcast on Instagram and Facebook and read more about my work at passionatelife.org Until next time, for me this podcast connect you to new resources and empower you to heal yourself lots of love.