aware moma
Podcast

Sexual Healing and Opening to Orgasms with Paloma De La Hoz aka MoMa

Meet Paloma De La Hoz, aka “MoMa” @awaremoma, she’s a sex educator from the Dominican Republic, who uses her experiences to help people reconnect with their sexuality. However, passion is helping women have their first orgasms, whether it’s alone or with their partners. 

MoMa sees clients from around the globe to guide men & women both through intimate 1:1 coaching and group programs. Primarily, she helps her clients explore how to connect to their bodies, emotions, and desires, whether in or out of the bedroom. In this episode, we talk about her course on sexual healing she created and how her own sexuality evolved after being raised Catholic. 

Show Notes

Welcome to Late open podcast. I’m your host Charna Cassell. And today my guest is Paloma, but better known as MoMA is a licensed psychotherapist and psychologist with a focus on sex and couples therapy. She has helped hundreds of souls to reconnect with their sexuality, develop internal awareness and transform their sex life in order to consciously develop healthy and deeply fulfilling relationships. Welcome MoMa!

Hi Charna, thank you for having me. I really appreciate this and everything that you do. Thank you for being here. How are you doing right now, though, I was in a CrossFit class. And I’m being like back to classes after two years of not taking. And I’ve been doing weightlifting for six years now. So it’s kind of cool. Like to be back with a coach teaching you all the stuff and refresh the knowledge.

It wasn’t good clothes. But it’s Yeah, I mean, it’s a psychological workout as much as it is a physical workout for sure. Yeah, for sure. I used to do this workout where you’re lifting the heaviest amount for the longest amount of reps, but very, very slowly, right? So it’s all very controlled. And what happens is it gets you get to the point where your nervous system gets activated. And so then you your fight, flight gets activated. And there would be these right there. These reps. Like initially, it was it was a press a leg press. And I would feel like I was going to die. Right? Wow, this was that machine that was a different machine. And what was remarkable is you get that feeling of fight flight. And then after maybe the fourth time of doing it, that feeling would go away. And you would realize how psychological these situations, whether they’re physical or emotional, are in terms of your perception of potential death. Wow, that’s Steve. Yeah, yeah. So I’ve always wondered if CrossFit does that for people.

I’ll say in a different way. So I’m curious, how did you end up on the path that you’re on in doing the sexuality education and healing work? What brought you to that? Okay, so long story short, I, I always feel very, very, like fascinated about studying the human mind and behaviors. So I decided to study like a bachelor in psychology.

And he was very good. I see like a little bit of everything. He was like, General Psychology. So I like really get into very little into like, the different sections of psychology, like education, psychology, or sexology, stuff like that. I remember taking a class of sexology. And it was like, so so surprised, like about this, this kind of work. And also, it was like, since I’m from Dominican Republic, it’s not something that is very common to see like sex education or sex sexology or it’s very new, the sexology because when you go back to the 90s, that’s when they started seeing like studying the clitoris and stuff like that. So it’s very new. I think it’s just started years and I was like, wow, I want to be a sexologist. And then I move on from minecon town and I’m moving to Santo Domingo, that’s the capital of my country. And then I found out like about a master’s in human sexuality in couples therapy. And I got the chance to even go to do a semester in Spain and that really really like helping me to understand better my behaviors I didn’t receive like the sex education that I wish to you know, since my parents were very quiet didn’t talk about too much so it was like a win win situation because I was like getting educated it also like it was helping people

Yeah, and then I work as a therapist in there in the field but it didn’t filled in my waters when I was going to clinics like to see patients and I was like, Okay sexology something that I like but I don’t like like this work in space and then endemic happen it and I started to see all this coaching and mentoring movement and then I was like, okay, maybe I should do that and then like, I have found that is a different approach like coaching focus more in

depressing in the future, and therapists focus more like maybe in the past, you know? So I like this approach. And I like working with women. Yeah. So do you you have clients all over the world and people find you through Instagram or what’s? What’s your experience? Yeah. Like my main point of clients comes through Instagram and Twitter, also that I’ve been doing some work there. And yeah, I have clients from us from Latin America, from Europe. So I think it’s important to share that where you’re at least bilingual Do you speak other languages as well so that other people can know? Like, I got a call from someone recently who was like to speak Chinese. So I’m like, I wish but now.

I only speak Spanish and English and a little bit of Italian. But your your English is really good. Thank you. I am Dec send a Latina accent there. But it’s lovely. Yeah. So you know, you you shared that your your parents were very quiet. Were you raised with religion? Were you raised Catholic? Or? Yeah, I was raised Catholic. So that definitely, as you have probably studied can have a huge influence on shaping Yeah, huge influence. And I see them in my clients do like how religion takes a big place. And then, like, being able to have a fulfilling sex life. Mm hmm. And how have you made I imagine moving away from from your family and your home town, you said go into Spain, there was something that really opened you? What are the things that helped open you and your sexuality and expand your mind and your body? I think it was mainly my curiosity. But it’s always it’s not always one thing. It’s like a combination of factors. But I think my curiosity for like being very open to explore. Like, when I asked you say when I left my hometown, like it was 21 years old, almost 10 years ago, and like, I was very hungry for experience. And, and I didn’t put myself like collimating. Like, for example, I know, you know, like, I always want to experience sexually and I experience with women I experienced like, men, and you know, like, I didn’t put myself in a box as people used to when they lacked sex education. So I did the opposite.

Well, and it’s also I’m curious about the demographic that you work with, in terms of are you working with younger women? Or like, What’s the age range that you tend to work with? My, my age range is between 21 in 41, I think that’s the oldest that I have. Do you work mostly with younger women? Or what do you see? Yeah, it’s mostly with younger women that are like starting to explore in their 2324, you know.

So recently, there was, there was a podcast that that somebody was mentioning to me, and I haven’t gotten to listen to it yet. But it was talking about young people and dating culture, you know, I’m, I’m 47. And when I look at even even, you know, even having Instagram exist, right? Tik Tok, very different than when I was your age. And so I’m curious about how you see all of these social media as a resource, but also, what are the, you know, the challenges, what are the benefits around sexual exploration, and identity?

Okay, so if you if we talk about social media, I will say the, I have, like a duality of opinion in this because I do see the value in like, connecting and, like, get into places that you can not be if we’re in for social media. So

I appreciate that bar and IV benefit for me, you know, like, having an online business, but at the same time, like, I, I do struggle with, like, some periods of like, I don’t want to, like show up or I don’t want to, like, you know, because this doesn’t make sense to me to just like,

I don’t know, it’s like, social media, I see them, like, sometimes fake, you know, because you can see, like, people are posting only their best time. So like, it’s a little bit of, not real, less, you know, so yeah, I think also can be something like a con in like, people are starting to, like, for example, teenagers or young adults that are starting to explore and then like, they start comparing shoulder like in the start of this, like, body shame, you know, because, like, you see all these models, but at the same time, like, I have seen people that are more like, inspired by by say, like, beautiful woman, you know, like empowered, sexually empowered, and how have you personally navigated because I know, when you’re being of service and you’re educating people, but you’re also an MBA,

Hadid sexual being and let’s say you have like beautiful photos of yourself online, and the interpretation or the presumptuousness of many men that are all, you know, DTF right down to fuck that there’s assumptions that are made. And there can be an onslaught, you know, in your DMS or comments or whatever. How have you navigated that? Yeah, that’s very, very common in I like, what I like to do is just ignore, I get many messages. And as you say, like, there’s a lot of people confused, because, like, since I have defects in the buyer, you know, like, say that, and then like, I have pictures that I’m modeling, I’ve been modeling a side hustle, like, since I was 15. So it’s like, something that I do, because I like and actually helping me in my online business, too. So like, I just tried to see the good stuff in here. But yeah, I do receive, like bad messages. I do receive, like, messages from men that are married, and then you go to the profile, and you see the picture of the family. And you’re like, what? So like, I just I’m just very clear that these kind of people are like, the one that I don’t want to be on. So yeah, I just tried to put some, like, you know, limits I post and talk about, like, the kind of work that I do, you know, because I sometimes I need to remind people again, and again, because they, they can be very confused. Mm hmm. Right? Yeah, they can make a lot of assumptions. Yeah. And so what are some of your specialties are the things that you particularly enjoy focusing on in the work? Like, if you could totally choose who your client base was? What would the presenting concerns be? Okay, so I do like work with women that struggle with enter kasnia.

That’s like, why I created a program that my program is called the School of sexual healing. And it’s a program of all like, helping women reconnect with their bodies, and also to get sex education. Like I have a whole online course with modules. And then I have calls with them. And yeah, I do like to see like women coming from not orgasming to or grasping after programs, like that’s something that really fulfill me. And I do also like work with women that has like long relationships, and they sometimes fall apart from the partner and then like, to try them to reconnect and light the fire again.

Can you share more about sculpture, sexual healing? Yeah, so the school of sexual healing is a program of seven modules. And it’s for the women that wants to like, know more about, like, that feels like as a new V when it comes to sex education or sex toys or self pleasure. And also in the program, I talk about the spiritual sex Tantra, sex, limiting beliefs, emotional blockage, attachment styles, love languages. I think it provides some, some apps everyday like I think every woman should have been taught when she was teenager, you know, like, so it’s basic, but, I mean, it’s basic, in a way, but at the same way, I see that I see the transformation in women after the program, like they feel more empowered and more like okay, what I feel is, is tried and I have more women feeling the same way as me, you know, so, it has been a pretty, pretty good ride during the dot program. Yeah, that’s really great. So is it specifically focused on pre orgasmic women? Or is that that is the whole pool of everyone who takes this course or is it a range? Okay, so it is a range because for example, I get many claims with in regards to me but I also get for example, women that struggle with sexual trauma from childhood also that burden is mousse I don’t know if you love her yeah, yes. But but any terms that please define them because other people don’t necessarily know. Yeah, okay. So I know Garcinia is like for example, when a woman cannot achieve orgasm and it has three different types that is like primary inner Garcinia secondary and uric acid Mia and situational and recast me so primary will be the kind of an orgasmic that a woman has never experienced an orgasm in her life secondaries when she was able to do it and then she she for some reason cannot and then the situational is when a woman can have an orgasm by herself but not with a partner. So these when they come to me, I’d first seen that I asked them if they saw agenda ecologies or like everything all rights, talking about like physical health. So if they say yes, everything is okay my doctor say yes, then we know

Add something into mind, you know, like this is a matter of the mind. So yeah, I have found that when sex education and also like a lot of practices as mindfulness and go back to to working out if they are not working already, you know, like all these kinds of tools I think helps them to overcome it. And also some technical exercises with a partner at Bear in bed and with the joke by Julius Lucys when a woman cannot have a penetration, and again, the doctor says everything’s okay, so it’s something in the mind. So yeah, sometimes we do need to treat this like as a phobia, because they are like they are afraid of getting penetrated for some reason. So we need to dig a little in the past to see what happened and some of them struggle with sexual trauma, or some of them just have a lack of sex education. And do you also work with women who are both a denier so vaginal miss being the muscles of the of the internal muscles of the vagina closing in and contracting and vulvodynia being the the vulva pain around the opening the outside and the lips. And and so you’re nodding it. So you also have people join your course with vulvodynia. Yeah. Well, would they need to? Yeah, Mm hmm. It’s very common. Yeah. Do you want to share any success stories? Like you’ve you’ve mentioned, it feels really fulfilling to have people come to the other side? No pun intended. Yeah, so I have a client that she was struggling with, enter it situational inert gas man, it was American from Texas, in, in the into the program like we choose start opening herself and she told me that she had a social sexual trauma. Like in the past, I was like, I think we some family member, something. She was very, like, she felt very killed about that encounter, not telling anyone and she was like even punishing herself. Because when this stuff kind of stuff happened, and people don’t vent or don’t look for professional help, then they start seeing them as a problem. Like, it was my fault. Maybe I shouldn’t wear that skirt, that short pin or whatever, like crazy reason, where it’s all part of the programming that we are all conditioned to, you know, I, since we as a women, sometimes at least in Latin America, they try to teach us that sex is bad, or is like, it’s not something for you to have pleasure just to have kids or to pleasure demand. So yeah, this girl has that kind of like combination, since she comes from a Latin American family. So yeah, the program with her was really beautiful. Because at the end of the week, number eight, she was like, so she was having orgasms with the partner, that she was only able to do it alone. And then she was also like, considering obeying the relationship and explore more and be like, you know, more like, sexual healing. She felt like she had an awakening to say, that was her words. So yeah, I think that’s a success story. Yeah, you know, there’s so much in there. And it’s pretty awesome that first of all, that she was willing and courageous to seek support out. But that she was also able to go there, you know, because in that there’s, there’s the, there’s religious and cultural conditioning, and also being a family in Texas, like, there’s also southern conditioning, there’s all of that and, and then on top of the trauma, and you know, what you’re talking about is that internalized the shame that is so common with sexual trauma, I often see it as it’s like, even though shame feels horrible, it’s easier to feel shame than it is powerless. And when you’re being sexually assaulted in some way, or there’s abuse in some way. And I don’t know her age, but often there’s a feeling of powerlessness. And so then the shame is it’s actually kind of doing you a favor, in a way. I mean, it’s a false sense of having some control over something you didn’t have control over. But it’s also it’s like, oh, it’s actually taking care of me. It’s helping me not feel powerless. Right. But then there’s also this beautiful liberation that you facilitated for her and helping her move through some of the shame and normalizing her experience. In the Yeah, yeah. It’s huge. Any other stories that you want to share about that, that and then how that felt particularly fulfilling for you?

I think that one I know, there’s another one that I’m currently working in. I’m seeing a beautiful transformation too. But it’s more like from a place of like body shaming and like not feeling comfortable in her skin. So I haven’t seen so some progress in her because she’s like now or during the injury to wait for her man, you know, like, lighting the stuff up in that cold relationship that made her like, Come to me. I think when I see people coming back together in relationships, like long relationships, I really feel

Send me because nowadays society we are used to like if something doesn’t work, just throw it away and take another one. So it’s the same with relationship when I see people actually put in the effort and wanted to, to work in that, you know, it’s it’s very beautiful, right? It’s like throwing away oh, this iPhone, I need the newest, greatest. Let me just toss this thing into the landfill and pick up a new one. Yeah. So what are some practices around clients who are pre orgasmic, or around the body shaming and becoming more embodied? Are there any practices that are particularly helpful? That you Yeah, one of the main that helps is mindfulness in mindfulness meditation, when I say this is like the kind of the one that you get the mantras on, like, and you said, so yeah, I have been doing some of that those in me and in my clients. And I see the difference in because I think what mindful mindfulness helped him here is that they start being more focused in the present in like, the past or the future. And then when you are pressing in an intercourse, you enjoy one, right? Because you don’t have disenthrall sector. It’s like, okay, am I’m looking okay, am I doing right? These are the steps that we have, like, naturally in our minds. So yeah, I think mindfulness really helps in sexual affirmations do I use them to lace like the same pattern as mantras and stuff like that. Also, I encourage them to do the preference work in our TVs, weightlifting, it is going to walk or run or whatever, but to keep that body pump, it’s good in the in the insects like to also this is going to sound a little weird, but taking sun like I do believe that people taking sunlight every day and vitamin D, and have the right healthy food habits, you know, like that makes a difference too. And then also encourage them, for example, most of their comes that same thing, this is a phenomenon, like most of my US clients come to me and they are drinking antidepressants. Honestly, I don’t think very well about them. Because I do think that they they damage the sexual performance in humans and I believe in natural ways of, of getting better.

Yeah, definitely. So you know about the window of tolerance. Yeah, right. And so they’re great for widening your window, but then, you know, you don’t go into hyper arousal, which is where orgasm lives. And so it’s like, yeah, you’re not dealing with anxiety in the same way or rage in the same way. Or grief in the same way. But yeah, it’s like, okay, everything’s falling. We’re all on a raft going down the river by God getting excited.

Yeah, yeah. So and you know, what you’re talking about taking the sun as you as you said it, do you? Are you familiar with Chi Gong? No, what? So? So Chi Gong, I think you would really enjoy. So you know, there are practices that originate in China. And so Chi Gong, its internal martial arts.

And there’s one of the one of the practices is literally like standing outside, facing putting your face up to the sun and imagining, right, so imagining that the sun comes through, and it’s bathing, it’s not just sunbathing, as in the outside of your body, but it’s going through your eyes, and it’s going through all to all your organs, and it’s going to your nervous system. And then you look at so many different cultures. I had a teacher who was a mystic from Ghana, and there was a similar kind of practice, right? So it’s like, you go to the all these places from really far away, and somehow they’re coming to the same conclusion. So there has to be some truth and benefit. You know, that’s universal. So it’s like recharging. Right? Literally recharging your body through the energy, one of the most vibrant things that we have. Yeah, yeah. And Jen Sahni in the genital stool is very good.

What is that? That it’s it was like, stunning, like, people their legs up in the air like sending. Yeah, yeah.

Initially, I was like, you know, it looked like a fake meme when it was started going around. But I was like, oh, no, that’s that has to be a real practice. And yeah, I do. I do it all the time. Yeah. Do you have a Do you have a nice private roof or do your neighbors really like you? Oh, yeah. I mean, depends where I am. Because I know normally in bird like when it was in Costa Rica, I used to do it every day. Now that I’m in the US back again. It’s a little hard, but yeah, every time that I get a chance, I don’t. Where are you located? So I’m now visiting Austin, Texas. Oh, how fun Austin City. Yeah, it is. And so I’m wondering for you what how would you do

Find what what is sexual freedom? What is it to you?

Sexual freedom for me is when a person can like experience experiment and experience sex in a very, like, lively way without shame without like conditioning.

When they can just be whatever they want to be like, if he’s experimenting with women if experimenting with men’s or having threesomes or whatever, or being polyamory or pansexual, you know, like, for me all this kind of, like behavior. So I will say all this stuff for me represents sexual freedoms. And also, I think that a person that, like, instead of putting, like, what, what they were taught, first, they seek knowledge, and they seek for this kind of experience, and also is a hard part, you know, become sexually free, free. You know, like, I don’t think all people can get to die, you know, in their lives.

Just very few. Yeah, well, and you know, it’s an interesting thing that you said, it’s a hard path, because I think for some people healing from sexual trauma, there’s no question. It’s like, they’re driven. That was that was my experience, right? This is something that I’m compelled to do. And I think that it’s not just this lifetime, it’s like, many I’ve been around the block. This is the life where I get to heal it all. Yeah, and there’s a commitment. And I think that, likewise, I’m curious about you, you know, the people that find this path and are committed to helping other people be liberated. It’s not just about how to have an orgasm, or how to have a better orgasm. But as you said, it’s like, how do you live fully in yourself? And how do you be free of shame? And so what what compels you, you know, if you want to share what makes you go like, this, this is my path. Because you said, it’s not an easy path.

I think I’m leaving it, like, I think I was for my early adult years, I was a little like, let’s see, not who fully I am like, I didn’t have my that my identity very developed as I do now. So like, I think from two years, two years to now, like, I think I have lived like the life that I wants to live gang. I’m doing such a good job. We women, you know, that really fulfill me and like, even though for example, you were talking about social media, I get this stuff messages all the time, like people telling me like, why do you need to post half naked, doing this, or bla bla like questioning? Like, you know, like, your people don’t even like think, oh, wow, this woman is helping women to reconnect with themselves. And like, that’s a, that’s another kind of job, you know, that’s like, no regular job. So when I get this kind of stuff, like, then I’m like, Wow, I’m leaving what I wanted to leave, like, because I don’t, I don’t even care, like what people are saying, and like, I have something in me, I want women to see. So they can reconnect with themselves, like see me as a mirror. And I have, like, I have good there. You know, like, some clients sell me, I see you as my neighbor. And I want to like, I want to be like you I want to be that sexually empowered. So when I have these feedbacks, and I get these fixes, I’m like, Okay, I’m doing the right, the right job, even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. Yeah, that’s so important, right? Everyone needs a model. And, you know, it’s this very vulnerable thing to put yourself out there. Right? Yeah. And, and you’re putting yourself out there and they’re going to people who judge and you know that their judgment is based in fear and their own shame. And they see someone liberated and it brings up all of their own internalized shame. And you know, how they’re supposed to be all their conditioning. Right. And so then they dump on you. So kudos to you for being as courageous as you are, and being a model for people. And, you know, and it’s, I think that yeah, yeah, we could go on and on about that. But is there is there anything else that you want to share about your work or about your own experience on this path?

Yeah, something that I like to always share is about the self love like I think a part of like when I started loving myself and putting myself first my sex life changes. I do encourage everyone to, like try to connect with themselves in a deeper level. Like, if you don’t feel if you feel any shame or on your body, just try to embrace it and see it in like in a different way in do like a mindset shift. And also I will encourage everyone to like read books or meditate, sun, your genitals and the law in words what to do if you have a partner that you love, like, try to, to nurture that relationship and always be open to communication, because communication can like really make the difference in people’s life. And it’s so easy, but at the same time people, like, is the last thing people do communicate sometimes. So I always try to remind this to me and to others. Thank you so much. And can you remind the listeners, what’s your Instagram handle? Where can people find more information about you? So only social media is aware, MoMA? And also my website, where moma.com Also, I’m very open to DNS. So if you feel like you have any question or dog about my services, or what I do, or whatever, just send me a DM I’m very open to that. And yeah, it was nice to see you continue shorter. Yeah, thank you, you too. I hope you have a beautiful day. If not being able to orgasm freely is something you want to address. momus class is a great resource. I also want to remind you of Olivia Bryant, whom I interviewed earlier about her work called self cervix, which offers a series of excellent courses on cervical orgasm, breast massage and embodiment. I want to remind listeners that it’s about the process of becoming embodied into take the pressure of orgasming off the table. Sometimes vulva bearing humans, place a lot of pressure on themselves. And other times it’s their partners who have a well meaning agenda to get them off, but it can come across as frustration or pressure. People make up stories that they’re not good enough or they’re broken, especially if they have a history of sexual trauma. And remember, I consider the internalized beliefs formed by religious, cultural and gender role conditioning to be sources of sexual trauma, not only sexual assault, or child sexual abuse.

There are many kinds of orgasms and ways to feel pleasure. Sometimes the inability to get an erection leads to more creativity. Just as a vulva bearing body not having access to a traditional orgasm is an invitation to slow down and be mindful with sensation. So let’s use this as an opportunity to get present. And I will guide you through a multi part meditation.

Every one is at a different starting place. But even if you are multi orgasmic, you can benefit from beginner’s mind and slowing down into the sensuality of mindful touch. Here, we’re just going to be touching with our breath. And with our intention, you can totally take it there. Because this is for each and every one of you wherever you are, starting where you are. But I’m going to start with more guidance around learning how to be with breath and and just your attention.

You may not be in a setting where you can do this right now. But choose a time in place later in your week where you feel safe and spacious. If you can put aside 20 minutes, that’s excellent. You may start this exploration and stop after a few minutes. That’s okay, slowly building up the time you can give to even mentally be with yourself, your genitals, and your pleasure is the intention.

So part one, get some paper and a pen. I encourage paper and pen because there’s a different flow of consciousness that happens when writing that way. And ask yourself these questions.

What do I believe about my genitals? Where did I learn this?

How much does this impact the pleasure that I can receive? You may have judgment about the shape or size or wetness or dryness, numbness or pain? No, that judgment is fear. Fear of what we may feel or fear that we won’t be accepted.

Some people have a hard time surrendering and feeling messy or think they’re selfish if the focus is on them for too long.

Even in putting your own attention on your body and your pleasure, old beliefs you have internalized can surface and try and stop you. We want to become conscious of these beliefs. Write them all out and acknowledge they kept you safe on some level. They protected you from perhaps engaging in something you feared you’d be punished for or feared would bring up overwhelming sensations. Thank those beliefs and those thoughts.

What are you feeling now?

Be with the emotions and sensations that may have surfaced in response.

Set a timer for five minutes and see if you can stay with them for that long and know that when the timer goes off, you can choose to shift your focus away from this.

Either put your attention on a part of your body that feels strong, pleasurable are spacious, anything that feels good or it’s really okay to intentionally dissociate numb out, do some squats, play a video game, cuddle your dog, choose to distract yourself or stay with the feelings in your body for as long as you’re okay with doing that. And part two. If you’re feeling resourced and present enough to keep going, let’s do that. Now.

You can lay down or sit up, rest your hands below your belly button and breathe into them.

Can you feel the weight of your hands and the temperature underneath them.

Let your belly be soft versus trying to suck it in in any way. You can leave your hands there if it helps you feel in focus, or lay them next to you.

Breathe fully into your belly and pelvis. Feel as you inhale, your belly expands. And as you exhale, your belly drops. You may feel a subtle stretching or movement brought by breath into your genitals Majan your breath moves through your genitals and pelvic floor. You may feel a slight buzzing, throbbing, pulsing warmth. This is energy enhanced by more flow of oxygen and focused attention.

Some people may not feel anything, some may feel a gentle pressure, or even an anxiety. Remember, it’s okay to stop at any time. Or set a timer for just two minutes. And check in with yourself whether you’re okay to continue at that point.

Trust that energy follows attention and the more you place your attention in this area, the more you will feel you may have to feel through some mixed emotions that are triggered by increased sensation. For folks who have a trauma history, there can be guilt and shame that arises whenever there’s turn on. That that’s happening. Acknowledge it. Thank you for trying to keep you from getting overwhelmed. Now put your attention on a different part of your body that feels steady. Or open your eyes and look around the room. Notice the colors, feel your back or orient to something else that brings some relief. Maybe it’s a plant or or you know I have wallpaper that I love to look at. For others. Keep going.

Imagine your breath is a gentle breeze.

With each inhale it gently caresses the inside of your abdomen, genitals and pelvic floor. Imagine it can fill your penis and vagina and as you exhale, it outlines the exterior of your vulva and testes moves down your inner thigh cups the back of your knees down your calves to the arch of your feet.

With each breath more blood flow and oxygen circulate here. What are you feeling now?

In your genitals as well as in the rest of your body?

Where’s there tension or space? Are you breathing? Or has it stopped as thoughts arise? Pay attention to changes in sensation and thoughts and emotion.

The more you practice simply being with this part of you and tolerating are enjoying what shows up the more sensation you’ll feel. Which also means that more pure pleasure becomes possible. Old shame grief, anger and fear can get conflated with turn on.

As you are able to feel through this stored emotion your capacity grows for experiencing pleasure and joy.

It’s inspiring to think of young people all over the world being connected to their bodies, their desires and how they feel and grow into the next generation of embodied connected, pleasure filled people.

This has been laid open podcast with your host Charna Casell. If this show feels beneficial, we’d love if you’d please rate and review it and share it with your friends so others can find us. If you have additional questions around sex and trauma, you can submit them at Charna cosell.com. Follow me at Laid Open podcast on Instagram and Facebook and read more about my work at passionatelife.org. Please join us again next week. Until next time, take good care.

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© 2022 By Charna Cassell, LMFT. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. MFC 51238.

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